Dysfunctional Oneshots
by Shufflebot
Summary: Oneshots that take place in the 'Dysfunctional' series. Just little things to add to the story of Dysfunctional and Functional. Ages will be given if the oneshot doesn't take place during Dysfunctional or Functional.
1. When Kyle Broke His Arm

**Kyle breaks his arm trying to prove himself, it's a good thing his boyfriend's here to help.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Sheila Broflovski**

 **Takes place before the Dysfunctional series. Stan and Kyle are 14 in this.**

* * *

When Kyle Broke His Arm

"You know, I could just get it for you."

"I don't need you to."

Kyle was precariously perched on his knees on the kitchen counter-top as he tried to reach the hot chocolate that was on the top shelf. His boyfriend Stan was leaning against the doorframe, looking worriedly at the Jewish teen.

"Dude," Stan pinched the bridge of his nose, "Get down, you'll hurt yourself."

"I'll be fine," Kyle retorted as he opened the cabinet, leaning back so he could see where he was reaching.

Rather predictably, Kyle fell and landed heavily on his right arm with a sickening crunch. He yelped and stayed on his side as Stan rushed over to him.

"I was going to say 'I told you so'," Stan said as he knelt down beside the whining Kyle, "But that sounded like it hurt."

"Fuck," Kyle whimpered, he hissed when Stan held his affected arm to sit him up, "I think it's broken."

"You're probably exaggerating, but I'll go and get your mom," Stan sighed as he stood, Kyle's arm laid in the Jew's lap.

* * *

After explaining what happened and hearing the usual 'What what WHAT!' Stan was helping Kyle into the backseat of his mother's car.

"Why didn't I listen to you?" Kyle said as Stan held his arm in place as well as he could.

"Because you always let your feelings get in the way of your judgement."

"What are you talking about?"

"Kyle, you're my boy…best friend," He was about to say 'boyfriend' before realising Sheila was in the car, luckily he caught himself, "I know you better than you think."

"Okay, but seriously, what do you mean about my feelings?"

"You feel that your height is an obstacle, so you try to overcome it instead of asking for help."

Kyle was silent as he considered this.

"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, he who doesn't ask is a fool for life."

Kyle was about reply when they hit a speed bump, causing him to swear loudly.

* * *

The bone needed to be set and Sheila couldn't even be in the same room, she knew what it meant. Stan was sitting beside the bed Kyle was laid on.

"This is going to hurt," The doctor warned him.

Stan took Kyle's hand, "Think of this like a woman giving birth."

"Thanks for the comparison," Kyle rolled his eyes.

Sheila had been down the other end of the corridor, and she said that she had been able to hear Kyle's scream from down there.

He was quieter on the way home, now sporting a lime-green cast over his arm. Stan had remarked that it matched his ushanka when he chose it.

* * *

"Thanks for coming with me dude," Kyle said as Stan helped him into bed, groggy from the painkillers Sheila had made the doctors give him.

"You know that I'll do it again if you need me to," Stan replied, wanting so badly to jump him right there, like they had started doing a few weeks ago. He wouldn't feel right doing it whilst Kyle wasn't in the right frame of mind and he didn't want to hurt his arm any more than it was.

"Can you stay and cuddle me for a bit?" Kyle asked, sounding slightly shy. Kyle always wanted to be independent, but if he was sick or injured, he was the exact opposite, always wanting other people to do everything for him. Stan was the only one who would indulge him.

Stan climbed into bed with him and held him close, being careful so he didn't hurt Kyle's arm, he kissed his boyfriend's forehead and Kyle made a little, content noise.

"I can't stay for long," Stan said, he honestly couldn't, he had homework to do.

"Please stay," Kyle whined, his emerald eyes looking pleadingly at Stan.

"Okay then, you'll need someone to carry your books anyway."

He could do the homework before first period.

"Love you," Kyle mumbled, turning on the TV he had in his room.

"I love you too," Stan said, pulling off Kyle's ushanka and nuzzling his hair.

They lay together for a while in silence, watching some crappy movie on Netflix. Kyle fell asleep across Stan's chest, Stan probably could have left, but he didn't want to go without telling Kyle.

* * *

Stan got a ride to school from Sheila so that he could help Kyle carry his books. Stan slung Kyle's bag over his shoulder and walked with him into school and to his locker.

"What class do you have first?" Stan asked.

"AP Biology, the only AP class you have," Kyle replied.

"Shit, I forgot to do the homework."

"Why aren't I surprised?"

"Don't be like that, I was going to do it last night and I had football practice the night before, I haven't had time to do it."

"Why didn't you do it when I fell asleep?" Kyle asked sternly as Stan took the required book out his locker for him, "You could have gone straight home."

"I didn't want to leave you while you were hurt," Stan mumbled, casting his eyes down to his shoes and blushing, "I wanted to be there in case you needed something."

Kyle leaned up to kiss his cheek, giving Stan a rush. Kyle was never normally so bold.

"You're too nice," Kyle's tone softened, "I'll talk to Mr. Alexander and get him to let you get away with it this once."

"It's a good thing he likes you," Stan said as he carried the books to the Biology labs, "If I was to tell him he'd give me detention."

"He wouldn't dare give the star quarterback detention," Kyle grinned, "He's scared of the coach."

* * *

Mr. Alexander did let Stan off and made him work with Kyle because he couldn't write, Sheila had written a note that she got signed by Sharon to allow Stan to leave lessons early to help Kyle. At the end of the day Stan was exhausted because he was constantly moving between lessons to help Kyle as well as being put through his paces in PE. He was having difficulty keeping his eyes open when they were cuddled together on Kyle's bed.

"I'm taking in my laptop tomorrow," Kyle was content with the position he was in.

"Why?" Stan asked.

"Because I can't write with my left hand, it looks like I'm three again."

Stan chuckled, "At least you can look up the answers on Google."

They were quiet for a while and Stan's eyes started to droop.

"If you want to sleep, you can," Kyle said as he ran his uninjured hand through Stan's hair.

"It's strange," Stan said drowsily against Kyle's neck as he nuzzled him, "Having to keep my hands off you so I don't hurt you more."

"As soon as I'm able," Kyle smirked, "I'm going to give you the ride of your life."

Stan grinned as he pulled Kyle into a kiss, "I can't wait."

"I'm sorry," Kyle said, "I should have listened to you, now we can't have sex."

"It's okay," Stan said, tightening his hold around Kyle's waist, "Sex isn't the most important part of our relationship. We waited a year to do it the first time, I can wait again."

"I'm still sorry," Kyle whispered.

"I don't care," Stan smiled, kissing Kyle gently, "It doesn't matter to me as long as I'm with you."

"You're sweet," Kyle grinned.

"Only for you."

Kyle felt a small sense of elation after hear what Stan had to say, if Stan was willing to put up with his fuck-ups, then it was only fair that Kyle gave him the relationship he deserved.


	2. When the Blood Falls

**Cartman feels he's forced to drastic measures. Kyle tries to stop the rot.**

* * *

 **Characters:** **Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman**

 **No Kyman. Kyle's with Stan.** **Takes place after Dysfunctional.**

* * *

When the Blood Falls

Eric Theodore Cartman hissed as the blade drew into his wrist and the red, live-giving fluid emerged from the wound.

He was sick of it.

Kenny had thought he ended this during the road trip, he thought he had won.

He hadn't.

Cartman pulled his shirt and jacket off to swipe the knife in small, practised strokes across his torso.

You should have heard her when she let me tie her to the bed.

The tears bunched in the corners of his eyes.

Cartman let out a shuddering sob when they finally fell.

She screamed for it, she loved every inch of my dick like the slut she is.

Craig Tucker had taken the crown for 'Biggest Dickhead in the School'.

He had paid to use Cartman's mother in ways that other men did. In the way that kept her family afloat.

She squirted and swallowed when I came in her mouth.

If only Craig knew the effect he had on Eric.

He'd laugh.

He'd know he won.

Cartman would become 'that emo kid who cuts because his mother's a whore'.

Another cut.

He was too busy, too wrapped in his own thoughts to hear the footsteps that bounded up the stairs.

"Hey Cartman," Came the voice of a familiar Jew, "Stan's busy trying to organise something for Valentine's Day and Kenny went with him. Wanna go to Stark's… WHAT THE FLYING FUCK?"

Cartman jolted upon hear the wide-eyed Kyle Broflovski's yell, "It's not what it looks like."

"BULLFUCKINGSHIT!"

Kyle lunged at Cartman and stole the knife easily, hurling it away. It stuck in the wall.

"Kenny said you'd stopped."

"He threw my old razor away, that doesn't mean I stopped."

"Why?" Kyle sat at the end of Cartman's bed.

"Why do you think?" Cartman spat.

Kyle closed his eyes and sighed, "If it's about Craig…"

"It's the fact that he comes over every Wednesday night just so he can fuck her and make fun of me!"

"I broke his fucking nose because he said shit about your mom! Next time just say that he got carpet-burn when he was born and be done with it."

"It isn't that easy Kahl! I can't sleep every Wednesday because he makes himself extra fucking loud because he knows I'm in here!"

"Get some earplugs then."

Silence.

"I can't believe that asshole isn't a virgin and I am," Cartman moaned.

Kyle rolled his eyes, "The way he lost is wasn't anything to be proud of, he doesn't tell people what really happened."

"He fucked Heidi Turner on his fifteenth birthday."

"He pays her to say that. He fucked Tweek when he was drunk and high off his ass at Clyde's party two months later, he doesn't want people to know that he's actually bi."

Cartman gawked at Kyle, "Really?"

Kyle nodded.

"How do you know that?"

"Stan's on the football team, he hears a lot of stuff from Token and Jason. I saw him making out with Clyde two days ago as well."

Cartman laughed as he pulled his shirt back on.

"I knew that would cheer you up," Kyle grinned.

Silence again.

"You weren't really worried about him losing his virginity were you? You didn't care when Stan and I lost ours."

"I like you and Stan."

"It isn't a bad thing to still be a virgin. Every time Stan and I have sex we're technically breaking the law. 17 is the age of consent, other confusing shit notwithstanding."

"I thought you'd be the one to understand that shit."

"It blurs the line too much, some courts would let us off, the others would charge us."

Cartman nodded.

"Seriously though, don't lose it like Craig did, lose it with someone you like and who you trust."

"Like you did with Stan?"

Kyle's cheeks darkened, "Yes, like I did with Stan. But even that just kinda happened."

"Tell me about it."

Kyle glanced at the knife in the wall and realised that he was keeping Cartman's mind off it.

"It was on our first anniversary and Stan was spending the night at my place. We were on the Xbox at about one in the morning when he kissed me. I kissed back and one thing lead to another."

"Who topped?"

"That's all you're getting out of me."

"Fuck you Jew."

Kyle laughed and stood, "I'd much rather Stan did thanks. You wanna hang out? Stan and Kenny are busy."

"Yeah okay. Can you grab me the knife?"

"You don't have to cut, you can talk with us. Kenny's your best friend, he'll listen. So will Butters. So will Stan and I, you're our friend. You're not alone."

Cartman span the knife in his fingers, "Let's go to Stark's, I need to dispose of this. I can't let Craig win."

Kyle nodded happily, "That's the Cartman I know."

* * *

 **It's no secret that I'm British. It's easy to tell because of how I spell things, I just use American words when the characters speak because the South Park characters are American. The age of consent in Britain is 16 and in most American states it's 18, my research said that in Colorado it's 17.**


	3. Karaoke

**Cartman sings a song that Kyle doesn't like.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick**

 **Characters are 16, takes place shortly after the end of Dysfunctional**

* * *

Karaoke

They always hung out on Friday nights, rotating which person's house they'd go to. It always went Stan's, Kyle's (until he got kicked out), Cartman's, but never Kenny's (his parents never stopped fighting).

This time, they were at Stan's. Kenny was sprawled across the floor, Cartman was slumped in an armchair and Stan was lying across the sofa with Kyle lying on top of him. Cartman and Kenny were playing another round on Call of Duty whilst Stan and Kyle sucked each other's faces.

"Why don't we do a karaoke?" Kenny suggested after a while.

Stan took his tongue out of Kyle's mouth to answer, "Okay, why not?"

The tongue was quickly reinserted as Kenny set the karaoke up because it was his idea.

"Let's all sing two songs each," Kenny said.

Cartman was singing last and after a pretty good version of 'Poker Face' with some changed lyrics he started up his second song.

"This is for Kyle," He smirked.

 _My one wish_

 _In this life_

 _Is for a world where everyone's white_

 _Without Jews, Without Jews_

Kenny noticed Kyle's eye twitch and immediately regretted showing Cartman Rucka Rucka Ali's music.

 _No more Jews in this land_

 _No more Barbara Streisand_

 _Without Jews, Without Jews_

Kyle took deep breaths to keep his anger in check. He could agree with the Barbara Streisand line.

 _I could sing, I could dance_

 _If every Jew would drop their pants_

 _When I choose, When I choose_

Cartman put everything into singing the song as well as he could, he knew that Kyle was getting pissed off.

 _I won't stop, I won't rest_

 _Because this world would be the best_

 _Without Jews, Without_

 _Jews_

 _No more Jews_

 _Jews_

 _Jews_

 _Goodbye to_

 _Jews_

 _Jews_

 _Jews_

 _No more Jews_

Kyle got up off of Stan's lap and stood behind Cartman, his legs were parted slightly. Perfect. He drew his foot back and thrust it straight up.

 _Just one race should be here_

 _White people that have blonde hair_

 _With eyes blue_

 _With eyes…_

"EEEEEEEEHHHHH!" Cartman screamed and Kyle got a perfect shot to his balls. He grabbed them and fell to the floor.

Stan pulled Kyle back into his lap and smiled as he nuzzled Kyle's neck, "My boyfriend's a badass."

* * *

 **Yes, this song exists.**


	4. A Night On the Bus

**Kyle can't sleep on an overnight bus journey, he decides to entertain Stan instead.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski**

 **Kyle's 15 and Stan's 16 in this one, takes place before Dysfunctional**

* * *

A Night on a Bus

Kyle never thought he'd go skiing again, but a week-long school trip to Canada was the perfect excuse to get away with his boyfriend, who he was sharing a room with. Unfortunately this involved a twenty-seven hour long coach journey. It was three am and Kyle couldn't sleep. Stan was snoring loudly next to him, drool leaking from the corner of his mouth. Kyle was certain he was the only one awake on the bus. He undid his seatbelt and curled up closer to Stan. He looked down the darkened bus and checked if anyone was awake as an idea came to his head.

"Stan," Kyle whispered as he nudged his boyfriend, "Stan, wake up."

Stan's eyes fluttered open, "Kyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyle," He whined, "I was having a good dream."

"I'll make it worth your while to stay awake."

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose, "Okay then."

He opened his eyes and saw Kyle kneeling in the space between his legs and undoing his jeans.

"Kyle?" Stan gasped, "What are you doing?"

Kyle smirked up at him, "Giving you a blowjob."

Stan was about to reply, but the only thing that came out of his mouth was a strangled gasp as his cock entered the moist warmth of Kyle mouth.

"Oh fuck," Stan moaned quietly, conscious of his surrounding as Kyle took inch after inch until his dick hit the back of his throat five inches down with four left to spare.

Kyle rose back up to take a breath.

"How the fuck did you do that?" Stan asked in awe.

Kyle's cheeks flushed red, "I practised on a cucumber."

Stan chuckled, "You didn't have to."

Kyle didn't reply, he just took Stan into his mouth again. This time he didn't deep throat him, he kept his mouth close the tip and swirled his tongue around it, using one his hands to stimulate the base and the majority of the shaft and using the other to fondle Stan's balls.

Stan clenched his jaw to muffle his moans as Kyle swirled his tongue around the sensitive areas of his penis. He glanced down at Kyle and saw his green eyes staring up at him innocently and it was too much to handle. He groaned quietly as he unloaded in Kyle's mouth, his eyes closed and his head flew back. He opened his eyes when he felt Kyle's weight next to him.

"Shit, you just…"

Kyle nodded as he leaned over and put Stan's cock back in his jeans. Stan looked down and saw Kyle's pants tenting. He got down in between his legs and opened them.

"I think I should return the favour," Stan grinned as he freed Kyle's cock.

Stan didn't have the finesse that Kyle did, but he was more forceful and had Kyle cumming after a short while. He took a leaf from his boyfriend's book and swallowed all of it.

He got back up on his seat and reached into his overnight bag that held his stuff to keep him entertained and pulled out a pack of spearmint gum.

"I don't think you'll want cum on your breath when everyone wakes up," Stan said.

Kyle took a stick of gum and popped it his mouth as Stan did the same. He curled up into Stan's side as Stan wrapped an arm around him.

"A cucumber?" Stan asked after a while.

"Yeah," Kyle replied sheepishly, "I wanted to impress you and make you feel good."

Stan blushed with the sentiment, "You succeeded, that was the best blowjob you've ever given me."

Kyle grinned as snuggled close to Stan, his eyelids were getting heavy and they drooped.

Well, at least now he could get to sleep.


	5. The Very Beginning

**Stan remembers how he and Kyle became best friends**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick**

 **Characters are three years old, Stan and Kyle are sixteen at the end.**

* * *

The Very Beginning

Stan sat outside with his two friends, Cartman and Kenny. He hadn't started school yet, he was at a playgroup his parents took him to because they were working. He looked over to the swings and saw a boy who was smaller than himself looking upset. He was sniffling softly, but Stan immediately noticed the bright, lime-green ushanka sitting on his head.

Stan knew who the boy was, he was Kyle. Their mothers were friends and they would play together whenever they met up, they never really spoke to each other outside of that, but Stan considered him a friend.

"Hey guys," Stan said to his friends, "Kyle looks lonely."

"That's because he's angry all the time," Cartman said.

"He doesn't look angry, he looks sad."

"He's probably angry too," Kenny said.

Stan frowned at his friends and got up, he walked over to swings and sat on the one next to Kyle.

"What's wrong?" Stan asked as he began pumping his legs to start swinging.

"Nothing," Kyle sniffed.

"Where are your friends?"

"I don't have any."

Stan stopped swinging. Kyle didn't pay much attention until he felt himself swinging, he looked over him shoulder and saw Stan with a wide smile pushing him. Stan naturally wasn't very strong, so he didn't push Kyle very high.

"Everyone has to have a friend," Stan grinned.

"Not me."

"I'll be your friend, we can be best friends."

Kyle's eyes brightened considerably, "Really?"

"Of course! You didn't look very happy and I don't like people to be sad. Everyone should be happy."

Kyle nodded at Stan's childish logic and got off the swing, he gave Stan a smile and then hugged him. It made him happy when he had a hug.

Stan hugged him back and pulled Kyle over to his other friends, "Come sit with us, don't listen to Eric though, he's mean."

Kyle eventually fell into step with him.

"Why were you upset before?" Stan asked eventually.

"Craig said my hat was stupid."

Stan looked up at the ushanka, "I like it, it's different."

"I like yours too," Kyle smiled.

"I bet you have warm ears."

Kyle giggled and nodded giving Stan a high-five.

* * *

Stan smiled as he lay in the afterglow with Kyle tucked under his arm. Kyle was lying on his side with his arm over Stan's waist and his head on his shoulder, even though his eyes were closed, Stan knew that he wasn't asleep. Kyle snored when he slept, but the only sound from him was his even breathing.

"Hey Kyle," Stan said softly, not wanting to ruin the mood of the moment, "Do you remember when we first became best friends."

"You mean the day at playgroup on the swings?"

"You remember."

"Of course, it's the day that the most important person I've met came into my life, it's my earliest memory."

Stan pulled Kyle up for a kiss and then let him settle back under his arm, "Do you think we were friends before that? Even though we never saw each other outside of when our moms met up?"

Kyle nuzzled Stan's chest before answering, "Probably, they were always meeting up, the amount of my baby pictures that you're in too is unbelievable."

"I'd guess that's the same for me," Stan smiled as he replied, "My mom's never shown me them."

"My ma used to always show my grandma whenever she came over. The amount of cheek squeezes I got was really fucking annoying."

"Maybe I should ask my mom to get them out, I know she has a huge binder full of them. One for me and one for Shelly."

"I find it strange that we're talking about baby pictures after we just had sex."

Stan chuckled, "I couldn't do either of them with anybody else."

"You better hadn't."

Stan laughed and tightened his hold, "I was still trying to make you happy back then, that's how we became best friends."

"And you're doing a great job."


	6. Drinking Game

**The Boys play Mario Party... with an added twist.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick**

 **They're 15 years old**

* * *

Drinking Game

"Who thought of this?" Kyle asked as he chose his character.

"I saw it on YouTube," Kenny explained, "Turning Mario Party into a drinking game is genius."

"I think it'll be fun," Cartman said.

"Don't worry Ky," Stan smiled, "I won't let you kill yourself."

Kyle sighed, "Just go over the rules then."

Kenny gestured to the table in front of them, there were three shot glasses, bottles of beer, whiskey and vodka, toilet roll and bread.

"If you lose a minigame, you take a shot of beer. If you land on a red space, you take a shot of beer. If someone gets a star or you lose a star, you take a shot of the hard stuff, if someone lands on a Bowser space, everyone takes a shot. If you lose a battle minigame, you take a drink of beer, if you're in last you take a shot. If you land on a space that takes coins, you take a shot of beer. You're not allowed to drink any water or anything to reduce the effects of the beer, you are allowed to eat if you throw up though."

"So we're going to die of liver failure?" Kyle frowned as he looked at three buckets that were by their feet.

"It's just some fun," Kenny said, "Stan's not drinking because he'll take it too far again."

Stan nodded.

"How long will the game be?" Cartman asked.

"35 turns."

Stan had dug out his GameCube to play Mario Party 5 on. He was playing as Mario, Kyle was Luigi, Cartman was Wario and Kenny was Boo. Sharon had originally been against the idea, but said that they had to deal with anything and that they had to pay for the drinks.

Cartman got a star within two turns and Kyle descended into a coughing fit upon taking his shot.

"Fuck," Kyle said with watering eyes, "I don't normally drink hard stuff without mixing it."

"Lightweight," Cartman smirked.

Cartman targeted Kyle for the rest of the game and stole his stars at every possible opportunity, meaning that Kyle had to take two shots each time instead of one as well as any other drinks he had to do. He was getting drunk by the end of turn seven and he wasn't getting horny at the same time, a rarity for him.

"I don't think Kyle's gonna last," Stan said, giving him a worried glance.

"Well he agreed to it," Cartman replied, he wasn't very drunk.

"Well you're the one fucking him up fatass!"

Cartman laughed, "I know."

Stan wrapped an arm around Kyle who couldn't even sit up without swaying. The redhead giggled and nuzzled Stan's arm.

"You're sweet," Kyle smiled.

Stan shook his head, that wasn't a typical Kyle compliment.

By turn ten, Cartman had fucked Kyle up even more. Kyle was having really bad luck in this game.

Kyle felt his stomach churning and he began squirming in Stan's grip. Stan looked bewildered, but let him go. Kyle reached for the bucket at his feet and emptied the contents of his stomach into the bucket. Stan rubbed his back as he retched and wiped his mouth when he finished and fell back.

"All done?" Stan asked gently.

"I think so," Kyle panted.

Stan got him a slice of bread and handed it to him, "Eat that, get something on your stomach."

Kyle took a bit and then contorted his face in disgust, "It tastes like puke."

"You have to eat it."

Kyle gave the bread a scathing look but ate the whole slice as Stan washed out his bucket. When Stan returned he leaned into him.

"I don't think he'll last twenty-five more turns," Kenny said.

Cartman shifted his focus to Kenny for the next few turns but Kenny could hold his alcohol much better than Kyle. Kyle was still drinking though, he had to drink when he lost minigames or when someone else got a star. It wasn't long until he threw up again.

On turn thirty-three, Kyle reached for his bucket for what must have been the sixth time that night. His vision was so screwed by the alcohol that he missed the bucket and threw up over himself. Stan changed his and Kyle's characters to CPU-controlled in the menu before carrying Kyle up the stairs to the bathroom and peeling him out of his vomit-stained clothes in silence.

"I'm sorry," Kyle whined when he was just in his underpants and socks.

"Don't worry about it."

"Are you mad at me?"

Stan stroked the side of Kyle's face gently, "No I'm not, everyone agreed to do it. Cartman was just being an asshole."

Kyle smiled slightly as Stan got up to run a washcloth under a tap.

"I need a piss," He announced.

"Just pull your pants down and go," Stan replied, "You're already sitting on the toilet."

"'M not a woman," Kyle frowned as he stood shakily and dropped his underpants, he couldn't stand straight and ended up going all over the floor around the toilet instead.

Stan wordlessly bent down and cleaned the seat which hadn't been raised and was covered in piss. He sighed as he got down on his hands and knees to clean the floor whilst Kyle was sat back down.

"You're mad at me," Kyle sobbed as Stan threw the toilet paper he used in the bin.

"I'm not," Stan soothed as he wiped Kyle down with the washcloth.

"You are."

Stan threw the cloth in the sink to wash later and rubbed Kyle down with a towel, "I'm not."

"You are."

Stan was finding the argument childish and pointless, he pulled Kyle into a hug and it took the drunk Jew three tries to wrap his arms back around him.

"I'm not," Stan said into Kyle's neck, "If I was I wouldn't hug you like this."

Kyle hummed happily as Stan lifted him up again, Stan lay him on the bed they had just begun to share and stripped him out of his underpants before redressing him in some green pyjama pants and his own American football jersey.

"Do you want to stay here or go back downstairs?" Stan asked, even if they went back downstairs, Kyle wasn't drinking anymore.

"Down," Kyle replied, attempting to get another hug out of Stan.

Stan lifted him back up and carried him back downstairs. He sat the redhead on his lap as he sat back on the couch with the only tipsy Kenny and Cartman who were still drinking."

"We got some water," Kenny said, holding a bottle out to Stan who opened it and held it out to Kyle.

"Small sips," He said as Kyle tried three times to grab the bottle and missed completely.

Cartman began laughing at the display in front of him, "He's completely fucked."

"Open your mouth," Stan instructed, completely ignoring Cartman as he tipped Kyle's head back. He poured a small amount of water into Kyle's mouth, "Close."

Kyle closed his mouth obediently and swallowed the water. The process was repeated until the bottle was gone. Kyle shifted into affectionate mode and snuggled closer to Stan and nuzzled his chest. Stan just stroked Kyle's back softly and kissed his forehead, he wasn't going near his mouth.

"You'll do anything for him won't you," Kenny chuckled.

"If he needs it," Stan replied quietly, conscious of the fact that Kyle was falling asleep in his lap.

Cartman and Kenny left soon after and Stan put Kyle to bed. He stripped to his T-shirt and boxer shorts and spooned up behind him. Kyle was going to have a killer hangover in the morning, but Stan was going to help him through it.


	7. Their First Time

**Stan and Kyle have their first time.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski**

 **Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick and Sheila Broflovski appear afterward.**

 **This is a lemon and they are fourteen. If that bothers you, turn away now.**

* * *

Their First Time

"How are you so good at this?"

Kyle was frustrated, Stan had beaten him at Madden again. It was one in the morning and the two of them were sporting pyjamas and were having an all-nighter on the Xbox, a perfect way to spend their one-year anniversary of being together. There was no light other than the TV and the moon in the window.

Stan smirked, "You know the deal."

Kyle grinned and pulled on Stan's shirt, crashing their lips together and engaging in a tongue war. He moved his hands to Stan's face and Stan let his rest on the Jew's waist.

"God, I love you," Stan breathed.

"I love you too."

Stan's eyes glinted, "Why don't we make this anniversary even more memorable?"

Kyle cast his eyes down to Stan's bulge in his pyjama pants and looked up at his super best (boy)friend nervously, "You mean…"

"We don't have to," Stan said hurriedly as Kyle trailed off.

"No, I want to," Kyle replied equally as fast, "You mean all the way?"

Stan nodded.

"We haven't gone any further than kissing," Kyle whispered.

"I know," Stan said as he pressed another kiss by Kyle's ear, "I don't want to force you. I just thought it could make our anniversary a bit more special."

Kyle was silent, considering what Stan said.

"You can top if you want," Stan said.

"You can top if you promise to be gentle," Kyle answered.

"God, of course I will," Stan sighed adoringly, "I'd never dream of hurting you."

Kyle rose and locked his bedroom door before turning and shutting off the Xbox, leaving the blue light of the screen on. Stan could see his nervousness as he walked back and lay back on the bed, moving so that his head was on the pillow. Stan pulled his own shirt over his head before climbing over Kyle and meeting his lips and taking off his ushanka. He tangled his hands in Kyle's hair as they kissed, coaxing Kyle to do the same. He broke away to pull Kyle's shirt over his head and quickly re-joined their lips, Kyle seemed to gain some courage and he ran his fingers down to Stan's waistband and pulled them down so they were around his knees, Stan kicked them off the rest of the way. Neither of them were wearing boxers under their pyjamas.

Stan once again broke their kiss to slide down Kyle's body and pressed a quick kiss to the scars on his abdomen from his kidney transplant and ManBearPig before pulling his pants down and off his legs. He contained a giggle at his boyfriend's ginger pubes, he'd probably be seeing them more often anyway.

"You're fucking beautiful," Stan said when he saw Kyle blushing, "You're God's gift to humanity."

"You're so fucking sexy," Kyle replied, wearing a sheepish smile.

Stan grinned up at him as he took Kyle's dick into his hand and stroked him gently, he stopped when Kyle became hard and hissed.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked worriedly.

"I'm circumcised," Kyle explained, "I need lube on it."

"Cartman was lying," Stan said, "Not all Jews have small dicks."

Stan gave the shaft a lick from bottom to top, causing Kyle to gasp quietly in fear of waking anyone up. He gave it another lick before closing his mouth over the tip and swirling his tongue. Stan moved his lips further down Kyle's dick and hollowed out his cheeks, sucking on the cock and swirling his tongue around the tip. Kyle was breathing heavily and starting to sweat.

"Stan…" Kyle moaned, "I'm about to…"

Stan immediately pulled off and smiled at him, "I want us to come together."

Kyle smiled up at him and reached over to his bedside dresser, he reached into the top drawer and pulled out a bottle of baby oil. He handed to Stan who squeezed some onto his fingers and reached down below Kyle's balls and rubbed some oil onto and around his entrance. Once he finished doing that he covered his own cock in oil and allowed Kyle to see it properly for the first time.

"How long is it?" Kyle asked, his eyes widening upon seeing it.

"Nine inches," Stan grinned with a distinct pride.

"Mine's seven," Kyle said.

"Not like that's bad."

Comparing dicks out of the way, Stan positioned his tip right next to Kyle's arsehole. He pulled Kyle into a deep kiss.

"Just remember that I'd never hurt you on purpose," Stan said softly, his blue eyes searching Kyle's greens for any trace of doubt.

"I know," Kyle replied just as soft.

Stan began to thrust his hips forward slowly. As soon as his tip went in, Kyle whimpered and buried his face into Stan's neck to muffle them. Stan marvelled at the tightness of Kyle's un-stretched hole as he continued to push.

"Stop… Stop," Kyle whined.

Stan was halfway in and desperately didn't want to stop, although he would if Kyle desperately wanted him to, "Do you want me to pull out?"

Kyle shook his head, "Just let me adjust."

Stan waited patiently for Kyle to give him the nod to continue, Kyle continued to whimper when Stan started to push again, so Stan stilled when his balls were pressed up against Kyle's arse.

Kyle's dick had gone soft from the pain and the lack of attention, Stan reached back over to the dresser and grabbed the baby oil, squirting some into his palm and wrapped his hand around Kyle's cock, stroking it gently.

"You can move now," Kyle whispered into his ear.

Stan pulled out halfway before thrusting gently back in and groaning in delight.

"Keep quiet," Kyle said, his face still buried in Stan's neck.

Stan nodded and began to suck on Kyle's neck, Kyle wrapped his legs around Stan's waist and moaned in delight, thankful that it was muffled by Stan's neck.

"Right there," Kyle whined.

Stan leaned up, satisfied with the hickey he made and watched Kyle's face for when he brought his dick over the spot that made him moan, as soon as he found it, he began to thrust quickly but just as gently, grinding against his prostate and timing his strokes on the Jew's cock. Stan began to leave more hickeys over Kyle's face and chest, not caring about how they'd hide it in the morning. Kyle began to suck on Stan's neck to keep his moans quiet.

"Stan… I'm gonna…" Kyle groaned, "Staaaaaaaan."

Kyle's arse clenched with his orgasm, the squeezing on Stan's dick and the sudden warmth splattering on his stomach and overflowing his fist made him groan in ecstasy along with his boyfriend.

"Kyle I'm gonna cum," Stan moaned.

"In me."

Stan couldn't hold back any longer and released inside Kyle's arse, making sure to keep his moans as quiet as possible. When he finished he collapsed on top of Kyle and pressed their lips together sloppily, Kyle returned the kiss happily. It wasn't pretty but neither of them cared, they just focused on each other.

Kyle reached over and pulled the Kleenex from when he recently the flu and handed some to Stan, they both wiped their stomachs as best they could. Stan leaned to grab the TV remote and turn it off.

"I love you so much," Stan whispered, sounding like he was going to burst into tears as he spooned up behind him, "So goddamn much."

"I love you too," Kyle replied, turning his head to kiss him softly, "So goddamn much."

Stan nuzzled the back of Kyle's neck, "I bet we're the first in our grade to lose our v-cards."

Kyle chuckled, "Probably, it's not like we can flaunt it though."

"Kenny won't tell, I wanna make him jealous."

Kyle laughed and moved back closer to Stan, who tightened his grip around Kyle's waist. They didn't speak anymore and allowed themselves to be dragged to sleep.

* * *

They woke at around the same time and greeted each other with a kiss.

"Dude," Kyle grinned, "My ass is sticky."

"Let's go shower," Stan said.

"Together?"

"Dude, I like… don't want to be away from you for anything right now."

"We'll tell my ma that we have plans and we woke up late," Kyle smirked as he pressed a kiss to Stan's lips.

* * *

"Kyle," Sheila asked as he and Stan made themselves some breakfast, "Why are you limping?"

Kyle's eyes widened, "I fell while we were in the shower."

"Why were you in there together?" Sheila asked.

Kyle shrugged, everyone knew that they showered together after PE to save time, "We have plans and we woke up late."

Sheila nodded and seemed to accept the excuse.

* * *

"That's a pretty severe limp you got there Kyle," Kenny remarked as he, Kyle, Stan and Cartman walked to Stark's Pond.

"Yeah," Kyle said as Stan smirked.

"How'd you get it?"

Kyle looked over to Stan and he gave him a subtle nod, Kenny and Cartman were the only other people who knew about their relationship. Cartman had proven himself worthy of being told secrets since they were ten.

Kyle pulled down the collar of his jacket to show the hickeys on his neck, with all of the hickeys on his chest and neck he looked like a domestic abuse victim.

"Is that…?" Cartman asked with wide eyes.

Stan hugged Kyle from behind, something bold for them, "Yep," He said with a snigger.

"Sweet!" Kenny grinned, clapping them both on the shoulder, "I haven't even done it yet. Let's hear some details!"

"We haven't even started high school yet," Cartman said in disbelief.

"I know," Kyle said, kissing Stan briefly before working his way out of his grip.

"We have been going out for a year," Stan said matter-of-factly.

"That was yesterday wasn't it," Kenny asked and got two nods in reply, "Happy Anniversary!"

Happy Anniversary indeed.


	8. Coming Out

**Stan and Kyle tell people about their relationship.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, Craig Tucker, Clyde Dovovan, Token Black, Tweek Tweak, Bebe Stevens, Wendy Testaburger, Red, Sharon Marsh, Randy Marsh, Shelly Marsh**

 **Ages are given before each scenario, Kyle telling his parents is described in a flashback in chapter 13 of Dysfunctional. This takes place before said story**

* * *

Coming Out

 **DECIDING AGE 13**

They had been together for a week, although they were boyfriends in name alone. They preferred the term Super Best (Boy)Friends but acted as if the 'boy' hadn't been added.

"Are we meant to tell people?" Stan asked one night at Kyle's house, "You know, about us?"

"We'll have to," Kyle answered after a brief moment of thought, "But only if we actually become serious, we're just experimenting at the moment."

"Do you want it to become serious?" Stan asked.

Kyle paused the game they were playing, "I do kind of want to give this relationship thing a shot, I've never had a serious relationship before."

Stan nodded.

"Question is, do _you_ want to give this a shot? You've just broken up with your girlfriend a week ago. Do you want to deal with everything that comes with going out with a guy?"

"Remember, I broke up with Wendy because it didn't feel right when she tried to kiss me. She's spread it round, everyone already thinks I'm a fag. Everyone already calls us fags because of how much we hang out. We don't have to tell people straight away, we don't have to act different, we can just be us with more kissing."

"That's a fair point, but you didn't answer the main question. Do you want to give this a shot?"

"Yes," Stan said, "I think we can make it work."

Kyle nodded.

"Should we kiss or something?" Stan asked sheepishly.

Kyle leaned over and pressed their lips together softly before quickly pulling away.

"Dude…" Stan whispered.

"I know," Kyle answered.

* * *

They were round at Stan's six months later, their relationship had become a lot more serious and after a bout of heavy kissing the topic was brought up again.

"Are we going to come out anytime soon?" Stan asked as he pulled Kyle close to him so they could start the film.

"I don't know," Kyle replied, "Do you want to?"

"Kind of, yeah. I mean, if we're gay, why should we hide?"

"Because we live in a quiet, little, redneck, podunk, white-trash, mountain town."

"Well, other than that, Mr. Slave and Big Gay Al didn't hide."

"Because my mother is Sheila Broflovski."

"That's a good point," Stan conceded, "Maybe we can just tell Kenny and Cartman, they won't tell."

"Cartman might," Kyle retorted.

"If this was three years ago then he definitely would, but he's trying to be nicer."

"We'll tell them, but I get permission to beat the shit out of Cartman if he tells."

"Deal. I have a free house tomorrow, we'll invite them round."

* * *

 **TELLING KENNY AND CARTMAN AGE 13**

"I thought you guys were busy," Kenny said as he stepped over the threshold into the Marsh household with Cartman trailing behind him.

"We kind of have something to tell you guys," Stan replied, taking a seat next to Kyle.

"If anyone else finds out, I will paint South Park with your blood using your head as a paintbrush," Kyle said sharply.

"Okay Jew," Cartman said, by this point 'Jew' was a nickname, as was 'Fatass'.

"So what is it," Kenny asked.

"Kyle and I are in a relationship," Stan was calm.

"Wait," Cartman asked incredulously, "You guys are fags?"

"We prefer the term 'gay'."

"Are we the first people you've told," Kenny had a large smile.

"Yeah," Kyle answered quietly, "So don't tell anybody else."

"We won't," Kenny walked over to clap Kyle on the back, "I'm honoured to be the joint-first person to know."

"I'm really happy that you trusted me enough to tell me," Cartman said, "I wouldn't have done with how I used to be."

"We know that you're trying to change," Stan smiled, "So prove it to us that you have and don't use this against us."

"Have you two done the shit dick yet?" Kenny asked, a smirk on his face as he waggled his eyebrows.

"No!" Kyle shouted quickly, "We're only thirteen, we just kiss and stuff."

"And 'stuff'," Cartman chuckled.

"Not that kind of stuff!"

* * *

 **TELLING BUTTERS AGE 14**

"Butters has been hanging out with us a lot," Kenny said, "I get that it's your decision, but don't you think he should know about you guys? You guys wouldn't have to hold back with kissing around us like you don't when he's not here."

"He has a good point," Stan said, "Butters wouldn't spread it."

"He wouldn't have to know details," Cartman pointed out, "He wouldn't have to know that you two have already had sex."

Kyle still blushed whenever that was brought up, it had only been a week, "We're hanging out with him tomorrow, we'll tell him then."

"Hey fellas!" Butters smiled as he walked into the Cartman house.

Cartman's house was the only free house this time. Stan and Kyle snapped apart from a heavy kiss as if someone poured ice over them.

"You know, that would have worked as a way to out yourselves," Kenny chuckled.

"What's out?" Butters asked as he took a seat on the floor.

"As of now," Stan replied, "Kyle and I are to you."

"But don't tell anybody or we'll kill you," Kyle continued.

"Tell anybody what?" Butters asked, his typically innocent nature coming through, "I won't tell anybody, but I don't get it."

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, "Kyle and I are gay with each other Butters."

"Oh, well you two are still my buddies."

"Thanks Butters," Kyle grinned, "But don't call us that again, friends is better."

* * *

 **TELLING THE SCHOOL AGE 15**

"You guys want to come out to the school?" Cartman asked as they waited for the bus.

Kyle nodded, "We're sick of hiding. We're telling our parents soon as well."

"We're sick of having to reject girls because 'we're not ready for a relationship'. Or if they're horny at parties, 'we don't want to waste our first time,' even though we're both not-virgins," Stan explained.

"We'll still support you even if the school turns against you," Kenny said.

"Thanks man," Kyle grinned, "The teachers won't dare do anything against us because my mom started a war against Canada. It's the student population we're worried about."

"Most specifically," Stan sighed, "A black-haired bitch who doesn't know the meaning of 'fuck off Wendy'."

Kenny laughed loudly.

"Wendy's trying to be slutty to impress you," Butters said.

"She knows it won't work," Stan shook his head.

"Apparently not," Cartman said.

* * *

"How are we going to do this?" Stan asked as they approached the gates.

"We're not going to give a speech," Kyle replied.

"What, so just walk in holding hands or something?"

Kyle smirked, "I have a better idea."

Kyle lodged his hand in Stan's back pocket and encouraged Stan to do the same. Stan could feel the eyes on him as they walked into school, flanked by Kenny and Cartman to make sure that no one tried to attack them, although they weren't going to hurt the star quarterback or the nerd who had a reputation for being deceivingly dangerous.

They were getting close to their lockers when they were finally stopped by a curious Bebe.

"Are you guys…?" She trailed off, not quite sure how to phrase it.

"Gay? Why yes, we are." Kyle replied, giving Stan's backside a squeeze.

Bebe squealed, "That's so cute, you guys are perfect for each other. Red owes me twenty bucks."

Stan sighed in relief as Bebe strolled off.

"That was nice of her," Kenny said.

Red came to see them after they got their books out of their lockers and had their hands situated back in each other's back pocket.

"Even though you guys lost me twenty dollars," She said, "I think it's really brave of you."

"Thanks," Stan smiled.

"I'd be careful about Wendy though."

"Yeah," Kyle nodded, "We know."

"STAAAAAAAN!"

Speak of the bitchy devil.

"I heard that you were gay!" She screamed as soon as she got there, "Please say it isn't so!"

"Well my hand's on Kyle's ass, soooooooooo it might well be true."

"But Staaaaan. I love you," Untrue, she wanted him for his social status.

"Well so does Kyle," Kyle leaned up to kiss his cheek to punctuate his statement, drawing a loud 'awwwwwwwww' from a nearby group of girls.

"Well fine!" Wendy yelled, "I don't need you anyway!"

They had the same first class and they ran into Clyde and Token on the way. They were initially nervous, Clyde and Token were a part of Craig's Gang, even though the only one they disliked was Craig.

"So it's true," Token said.

"Yeah," Kyle replied defensively, "So?"

"That's not a problem," Clyde held up his hands, "You're just another couple."

"Oh," Kyle visibly relaxed, "Well, thanks."

Clyde waved as he and Token walked off.

They were stopped again outside their AP Biology class by a rabble of girls.

"Hello girls," Stan smiled.

"Hey," One of them waved, "Are we going to see any PDA from you?"

Kyle laughed at the question before turning to Stan, "Should we give them a show?"

Stan answered for him by joining their lips together gently. Kyle immediately deepened the kiss and tangled their tongues together, making the girls squeal in delight.

"That was so hot," One of them said as they pulled apart.

* * *

"I thought girls would be more pissed off us," Stan said, "You know, because now they can't go out with us. I would if I couldn't go out with the quarterback or the guy with the best ass."

"Well now that they know that we like guys," Kyle answered as he set up the experiment they were doing, they were testing for starch, "So they know that'd never have a chance."

Stan seemed to accept this.

"And I don't have the best ass," Kyle turned to look down at it, "Do I?"

"Dude, guys on the football team who are very straight say that you have a nicer ass than most girls in the school, personally I think you have the nicest ass and those guys just don't want to admit it."

"The guys at basketball say that if every guy had an ass like mine they'd turn gay."

Stan laughed, "Worked for me."

"The reactions been a lot better than I thought."

"The girls want us to kiss a lot, I never thought they could be such pervs."

"Well now we know that they can, they just don't think with their vaginas as much as we think with our dicks."

"I guess it's kind of like straight guys watching lesbian porn."

"Except we're not fucking."

"There's still someone else I'm worried about telling," Stan said as he started to help Kyle.

"And who's that?"

"Craig."

"Fuck Craig, he's an asshole."

"I'd much rather fuck you thanks," Stan smirked.

Kyle grinned back at him.

* * *

They were in separate classes next and it was Bebe who stopped Stan.

"Hey Stan," She looked nervous.

"Hey Bebe," Stan said, "What's up?"

"How long have you been with Kyle?"

"Over two years."

"Then have you two… done 'stuff'?"

"If by 'stuff' you mean sex then yes."

"Can you give me some advice," She asked sheepishly, "Apparently Clyde's been complaining about my uh… ability."

"I guess so," Stan was blushing by this point, "Kyle might be better to ask though, he's pretty wild in bed sometimes," His eyes widened and he gasped, "I didn't say that. He'd kill me."

Bebe giggled, "Can you give me some advice on blowjobs?"

"Don't use your teeth, if you can't deep throat then don't try. Use your tongue on the head and don't spit, if you're not going to swallow then don't make him cum."

"Why not? Clyde never warns me."

"It isn't that spitting's bad, it's just when someone swallows it's so hot to see it. Especially if they do the innocent eyes."

Bebe nodded, "Does Kyle do it often?"

"He'll probably start doing it less since we're coming out today. We'll either be having more actual sex or we'll always have a door open."

"Have you told your parents? About you two being together."

"We're telling them tonight, I want to tell my parents together so we're doing that after school. He wants to tell his parents alone."

"Why?"

"He's scared of his mom's reaction and he's scared she'll take it out on me when I'm there, he knows how to deal with her. She's one of the only legitimately scary people in South Park."

Bebe nodded, "Anyway, thanks for the advice."

* * *

Kyle and Stan were sat under a tree with Kenny and at lunch, Stan had his head in Kyle's lap as Kyle read a book and played with his hair and Cartman was in detention. Now that they had come out, they were free to do this.

"Asshole alert," Kenny said, pointing to Craig who was sauntering over. Clyde, Token and Tweek were following, but looked like they were trying to talk Craig out of it.

"Don't care," Kyle said.

"I should have known you'd be fags," Craig smirked.

"Like you can talk," Kyle replied disinterestedly.

"What? I don't take it up the ass or give it to a man like you."

"Clyde's party too weeks ago with Tweek, don't start that shit."

Craig faltered whilst Stan and Kenny laughed, "What are you talking about? I fucked Heidi on my birthday and that's it.

"I'm friends with Bebe," Kenny grinned, "Heidi told her that was a lie and you paid her to say it."

"I heard you two when I went to throw up," Kyle shrugged before playing with Stan's hair again, "I know your voice and I heard someone say about how it was too much pressure."

"You were drunk, you don't know shit."

"I can vouch," Stan said, "I went to help him out and heard you two."

"I was drunk!" Craig rarely got angry, "At least I'm not a virgin!"

"We lost our virginity the summer before high school," Stan shrugged, "If we told anyone that would have gone against the whole 'hiding it' kind of thing."

Clyde whistled, "Fourteen, wow."

Token lay a hand on Craig's shoulder, "You've lost this one, back off."

Craig decided to take Token's advice and walked away, Tweek and Token followed and Clyde shrugged before doing so.

Stan leaned up and kissed Kyle before laying his head back in his lap.

* * *

 **TELLING STAN'S FAMILY AGE 15**

"Is dad here yet?" Stan asked as he stepped into the house with a very quiet Kyle behind him.

"Yes, he arrived a little while ago," Sharon replied, she and Randy had divorced for good two years ago. Randy moved to Denver, that was the main reason for Stan and Kyle coming out that day, Stan wouldn't have his family together for another few months.

"Where is he?"

"He's on the couch, why?"

"I have something to tell him, and you for that matter."

"Shelly's there too, do you want her to go upstairs?"

"She can stay. She'll probably find out anyway."

Sharon had noticed that Kyle had kept his eyes cast to the floor, "Something wrong Kyle?"

Kyle looked up, "No, nothing."

Sharon also noticed that he couldn't meet her eyes.

"Hey Stan," Randy waved as he walked in.

"Hey dad."

"Stan has something to tell us Randy," Sharon said, taking a seat on the couch.

"Well…"

"Spit it out turd!" Shelly looked annoyed, he show had been turned off.

"I'm in a relationship," Stan said, his voice was shaky and Sharon could tell that he was scared, she also noticed that Kyle had visibly tensed, by the smirk on Shelly's face, she probably did too.

"With who?" Randy asked.

Stan took a deep breath before answering, "Kyle."

Kyle was looking so far down that all that could be seen was the top of his hat, Stan could see his scarlet cheeks from beside him.

Sharon got up and pulled Stan into a hug, "If you're happy then I'm happy, it doesn't matter to me."

"This isn't a recent thing," Stan admitted.

"How long?"

"A little over two years," Kyle said, his voice was unbelievably quiet.

"I'm sorry that you felt that you had to hide from us," Sharon said.

"It wasn't you," Stan replied.

"Sheila?"

"Yeah," Kyle nodded.

"Dad?" Stan ventured nervously, "You've been quiet."

Randy seemed to be broken out of a state of shock, "I… shouldn't really be surprised, you two have always spent every moment together."

"Is that an okay?"

"Yes, I'm not around much anyway so it wouldn't make a difference if it wasn't, that's not the case in the first place though."

Stan was glad that the one time Randy wasn't being a retard was now.

"Do you top?"

Or not.

"I'm going to tell you about my sex life!" Stan yelled.

"So you have had sex!"

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed exasperatedly whilst Kyle's eyes went insanely wide and his blush deepened, if that was possible.

"Since it would be incredibly stupid to deny it considering Kyle's reaction…"

"Dude!" Kyle's face went the darkest shade of red possible.

"…Yes we have had sex and because this is incredibly embarrassing to admit to my parents and sister that's all I'm going to say."

"So you're a fag now turd?"

"Shelly!" Sharon said sharply, "Don't call your brother that."

"Why? It's what he is."

"So you're a homophobe?" Stan retorted, "Because you should keep away if you are, we lock our door for a reason."

"Stanley!" Sharon and Kyle both turned red as Shelly laughed.

"What? We like to watch movies in privacy. We aren't always having sex! Kissing yes, sex no."

"You tell her Stan!" Randy cheered, "Protect your rights!"

Kyle buried his face in his hands, "Fuck, this could have gone better."

Sharon turned to Kyle, "Would you like to stay for dinner?"

"If it's no trouble, I'm actually scared of what my ma's gonna think."

Stan turned to Kyle and pulled him into a hug, "I'm sorry about how this turned out."

Kyle squeezed Stan's waist, "Hey, don't worry. It could have gone better, but you could also be out on your ass right now."

Stan gave Kyle a brief peck on the lips and also gave him an Eskimo kiss, "Thanks for being understanding."

"At least your parents know me."

"At least if you like guys you got a good one Stan," Randy said, "If I was gay and your age, I'd tap that ass."

Kyle hid his face in Stan's chest.

"DAD!" Stan yelled in shock and horror, "I REALLY DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING AT MY BOYFRIEND'S ASS!"


	9. Another Conversation with Cartman

**Kyle goes to Cartman's after an argument with Stan.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman**

 **Takes place anytime before Dysfunctional. They're aged 16**

* * *

Another Conversation with Cartman

"Thanks for letting me come over," Kyle sighed.

"No problem," Cartman furrowed his eyebrows, "What happened?"

"Stan and I had an argument," Kyle replied as he followed Cartman to his bedroom.

"What about?"

"Stan wanted to video us having sex."

"I don't see the problem," Cartman shrugged as they both sat on his bed.

"I think that the only thing that should be able to see us is… well, us. Even if that thing watching is a camera lens."

Cartman nodded, "Fair enough, to each his own."

"That's not what Stan said," Kyle groaned, "You know that trip I'm going on in a week for AP English?"

Cartman nodded.

"Stan said that he could use it to jack off while I was away because we don't let each other watch porn unless we're together and we very rarely watch it anyway."

"Why don't you let each other watch porn?" Cartman asked.

"We both realise that it's overacted and… to be honest a bit of paranoia, like we'll get bored with sex because we don't want to try that and it'll poison our relationship."

Cartman nodded, "Anyway, Stan wanted to video you…?"

"I didn't want to and he didn't like that, we got into a pretty bad argument."

"How bad?"

Kyle tensed, "I called him a dumb, self-centred jock and he called me a boring, uptight nerd."

"Ouch."

"Yeah."

"You think that's it between you two?" Cartman ventured nervously. If Stan and Kyle broke up, the effects would be catastrophic. Things would be strange without their random kissing sessions and their accidental third-wheeling of everyone else. They'd always been the heart of the group even before they got together, now that their relationship had gotten more serious, arguments between the two caused an enhanced rift.

"No. Fuck no, we'll sort it out. We've been through worse."

"Good," Cartman sighed in relief, "You two work well with each other. The dictionary definition of 'perfect couple'."

Kyle chuckled in response.

"Why don't you want him to jack off while you're away?"

"If neither of us do, the sex when I get back will be _so_ much better."

Cartman nodded, acting as if he understood even though he was a virgin, "How often do you have sex?"

"Basically daily," Kyle admitted with a blush, "Except on Wednesdays."

"What do you do on Wednesdays?"

"Read."

Cartman raised an eyebrow, "Read?"

"What? Every couple has that thing they do."

"And yours is reading?"

"Well… yeah."

"How did that begin?"

"Stan was having trouble reading through a book for a book report and I read it to him because he kept putting it down, it just became a thing."

"Okay then, I'll let it be."

Kyle nodded.

"If you two have sex that often, then why does Stan need to record it?" Cartman asked.

"That's what I said!"

"You have sex more often than Craig and Tweek!"

Kyle immediately started laughing loudly, "To be fair they've only fucked once, but Craig's almost as bad as Kenny with girls and guys."

"Why is it that whenever we talk together we just end up insulting Craig?" Cartman grinned.

"Because he's an asshole!"

Kyle and Cartman both began laughing loudly again.

Once they calmed down they were silent for a little while before Kyle spoke again.

"What would you do if you were in my situation?"

"What? The argument?"

Kyle nodded.

"This video was just for you and Stan?"

Kyle nodded, "Maybe I overreacted."

"Not really," Cartman shook his head, "You didn't want to be recorded. What if you left it out by accident and someone like his mom saw it? Or worse…"

Kyle looked at him in understanding and they both said the name at the same time.

"Kenny."

"He's the last person anyone wants to see them having sex, he'd steal the film for his own pleasure," Cartman was deadly serious.

Kyle nodded in agreement, "I didn't think of that."

"Tell that to Stan and that camera will be stuffed in a drawer forever."

"God, imagine if his mom saw it," Kyle cringed, "I'd never be able to look her in the eye again."

"Stan's probably deciding on how to apologise to you, he's nowhere near as stubborn."

"I'm not stubborn," Kyle frowned, "I'm just resilient."

Cartman nodded, "Of course," He said sarcastically as he heard a knock on his bedroom door, "What do you want mom?"

"Is Kyle there?" The voice did not belong to his mother, but to Kyle's boyfriend.

"Yes I am Stanley," Kyle had gotten into the habit of using Stan's full name when he was pissed off with him, he could feel Stan's flinch through the door.

"Can we talk?"

Cartman stood and walked over to the door, "I need snacks anyway, you two sort this out."

Cartman allowed Stan to nervously step into his room as he stepped out.

"What do you want Stan?" Kyle had his arms folded over his chest as he glared, "I'm not filming a sex tape."

"I know and we don't have to," Stan hastily cut in, he took a deep breath before continuing, "You weren't comfortable with it and that's totally fine."

"I guess I overreacted a little bit," Kyle's face softened.

"No, no," Stan interrupted again, "You're my boyfriend, not a pornstar. Besides, imagine if someone found it."

Kyle chuckled, "I'm sorry anyway."

He stood and pulled Stan into a closed-mouth kiss.

"C'mon, I don't think Cartman wants us to taint his bed."

Stan laughed and intertwined their fingers, "Fuck, I'm going to miss you next week."

"Then let's make the most of this one. If we hurry up and get home, I might just ride you."

Stan lifted Kyle up bridal-style and gave Cartman a quick 'goodbye' as he sprinted home, carrying Kyle with him.


	10. Clyde's Party

**The party at Clyde's that has been referenced before.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, Craig Tucker, Clyde Donovan, Token Black, Tweek Tweak, Wendy Testaburger, Red**

 **Characters are 15.**

* * *

Clyde's Party

"How do I look?" Kyle asked, he was wearing a green polo shirt and skinny jeans with his usual ushanka.

"You look fucking amazing," Stan replied, he was wearing a blue polo shirt with a black jacket over it, looser jeans and he wasn't wearing his usual poofball hat.

Kyle leaned up to kiss Stan's lips, he wouldn't be able to do it at the party because they hadn't come out so he savoured the contact.

They were going to Clyde Donovan's house party for the evening and meeting up with Kenny, Cartman and Butters on the way there.

"Have you got the stuff we're taking?"

Stan held up a plastic bag filled with bottles of beer and cider, "Yep."

Kyle pulled some trainers on before standing.

"You getting shit-faced?" Stan asked.

"I don't know yet," Kyle shrugged, "School has been stressing me out, maybe I should cut loose."

"I'll text your mom and tell her you're staying over then."

"You're a lifesaver, thanks."

"I'll also keep you from embarrassing yourself because I'm such a caring boyfriend."

Kyle chuckled, "You are quite caring."

* * *

Kenny was wearing a skin-tight orange T-shirt and jeans, Butters and Cartman were both wearing jeans and cyan and red polo shirts respectively.

"You guys ready for tonight?" Kenny asked as the couple walked towards them.

Stan nodded, "We're ready to give bullshit excuses to not fuck girls if that's what you're asking."

"It'd be easier if you just came out," Cartman frowned.

"And deal with my ma?" Kyle asked incredulously, "No thanks. I like my boyfriend's vital anatomy, thank you very much."

* * *

Craig downed his third beer of the night, no one had even turned up at Clyde's house other than himself, Token and Tweek.

"Maybe you should slow down," Clyde said, "We haven't even started yet."

"I'm drinking now so I can get the coke out later," Craig said monotonously.

"I thought I told you not to bring hard drugs."

"I clearly didn't listen."

"I should've know when you wore that jacket."

The jacket Craig was wearing was infamous among South Park teenagers, from a distance it wasn't anything spectacular. Craig had ripped the seams out so that he could hide drugs in them and sell them. Craig's family was pretty well off, but Craig himself was dirty rich.

"I'm sure it's not a problem if he's careful," Token shrugged.

Clyde frowned, "Fine but if you get in shit, I'm not bailing you out."

"I'm not expecting you to," Craig replied disinterestedly.

* * *

Stan and Kyle were very good at acting like they were best friends and nothing more.

"No, I think Ariana Grande's hotter than Mila Kunis," Stan shook his head.

Kyle snorted, "No, Mila Kunis is hotter," Stan grinned when he saw Kyle mouth, "You're the hottest though."

Kenny came back and held out a bottle for Kyle, "Jägerbomb."

Kyle grinned and necked it in one, "Nice one dude."

Kenny laughed, "You've been at this party for half an hour and you're not drunk. That's not like you Kyle."

"I'm not that bad. I don't get drunk that quickly."

Kyle didn't drink a lot when he got to parties, he was just a lightweight and got drunk off of small amounts of alcohol.

"If that's true," Kenny smirked, "How would you like a drinking contest? Tequila shots."

"You're on bitch!"

Stan sighed and stood, he decided to search for Cartman and Butters. They weren't far away, Butters appeared to be watching Cartman in shock.

"What going on?" Stan asked.

"I think Eric's talking to a girl," Butters replied, unable to take his eyes off the sight.

Cartman was attempting to chat up Red, who was ignoring him.

"C'mon, I'll get you a drink."

Stan frowned, that reeked of desperation.

Red got up and walked to where Stan and Butters were, she had tried it with Stan before and had been rejected each time. This time she went to Butters.

"Want to go upstairs?" She asked him, "Fatass is pissing me off."

"Wowee!"

Red just pulled Butters up the stairs as Cartman came to stand next to Stan.

"I can't believe that just happened," Cartman groaned.

"Butters is finally getting some action," Stan replied with a laugh.

"Speaking of action," Cartman said, "Where's your boyfriend?"

Stan feigned exasperation in case someone was watching, "With Kenny doing shots."

Cartman walked off and Stan followed him, they found Kyle and Kenny at the kitchen table.

"Staaaan!" Kyle drawled.

"Hey Kyle," Stan replied, Kyle was badly drunk now, Stan eyed a empty bottle of tequila and one that was half-full.

Kyle stood and swayed, Stan dashed forward and held him up.

"Sit down Kyle."

Kenny laughed from his side of the table, "He's fucking gone!"

Stan noticed that Kenny wasn't drunk, he was good at holding his alcohol.

"You'll never guess what happened," Cartman said as he took a seat.

"What?" Kenny asked, his curiosity piqued.

"Red took Butters upstairs."

"After rejecting Cartman," Stan added.

Kyle immediately started laughing like a fool, "Fuck! She went for Butters instead of you!"

Kenny was laughing as well, "He's probably getting some serious action, Red's a slut!"

"Hey Stan!"

"Speaking of slut," Stan muttered under his breath before turning, "Hey Wendy."

"Why don't we go upstairs and have some fun?" Wendy smirked, drawing circles over Stan's chest.

"No, Wendy," Stan sighed, he dealt with this every time, "I'm not interested."

"Don't you want to be able to say you're not a virgin?"

"Of course," He already could if he wanted, "But I want it to be special, not just a fuck at a party."

"C'moooooon."

"Alright now bitch," Kyle slurred, all his words merging into one, "He's saying no and that means no. That's a polite way of saying 'fuck off'."

Kyle stood in an attempt to look more intimidating (despite the fact that he was shorter than their whole year in school) and promptly fell over, descending into giggles upon hitting the floor.

"You heard the drunk asshole," Cartman said, "Fuck off."

Wendy huffed and turned to Stan for defence but he was too busy helping Kyle back into his seat. She decided to turn away.

* * *

Craig was in Clyde's father's bedroom with Token and Tweek. He rolled the dollar bill and positioned it by his nose, he inhaled the white powder and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You already had six beers and three shots," Token was concerned, Tweek was slightly drunk as well.

"Don't care."

In that moment, Clyde burst in.

"Token," Clyde asked, "Can you help me with Heidi? She's drunk off her ass and she needs to get home before she throws up on the floor."

Token nodded, "Will you two be okay?"

Tweek nodded.

"Want some?" Craig asked, after Token left.

Tweek nodded and took the dollar bill.

* * *

Kyle stumbled around the upstairs landing, Stan would be up in a second. His stomach was starting to cramp, he was going to hurl. He heard noises coming from behind a door that was slightly ajar. He could place one of the voices as Craig's and now that his curiosity was getting the better of him, he swallowed down the urge to vomit and peeked through the door.

And saw Craig fucking Tweek.

He chuckled silently and got back to the task at hand, he eventually got to the bathroom and fell to his knees in front of the toilet. He emptied the gahekgafuga his mother had made for dinner into the bowl along with any other contents of his stomach.

Stan walked in as he was throwing up and sat down next to him, rubbing his back as he threw up. Kyle slumped against the wall after he finished and panted, exhausted from his vomiting.

"You done?" Stan asked.

Kyle nodded and stood, "Need a piss."

Stan waited outside for him to finish and Kyle staggered back outside when he was finished, Stan had to fasten his jeans for him.

"I think we should go home now," Stan said as he wrapped an arm under Kyle's shoulders to hold him up.

Kyle nodded.

They passed the same door Craig and Tweek were behind on the way back, Stan stopped and looked at Kyle.

"Is that Craig?"

Kyle nodded, "He's fucking Tweek."

Stan peeked behind the door and led Kyle away before bursting into laughter with him. He got his phone out and sent a text to Kenny saying that they were going home.

* * *

Stan helped Kyle through the front door and up the stairs. He went to the bathroom and grabbed a bucket before helping Kyle strip down to his boxers and get into bed, placing the bucket on the floor beside the bed. Kyle had thrown up again on the way home.

"If you need to throw up, do it in the bucket," Stan told him.

Kyle nodded.

Stan also stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed behind him and spooned him, which worked as a way to show affection and to keep Kyle on his side.

* * *

Sunday, the day people liked to use to recover from any hangovers. Or in Kyle's case, the day he would prefer to use to recover from his hangover rather than hang out with Kenny, Cartman and Butters. He would much prefer to spend the day snuggled up in bed with Stan, like he usually did with a hangover or when he was ill in general. They were instead going for lunch at Shakey's.

"Dude," Kenny smirked, "You look like death."

"I feel like death," Kyle frowned, he usually had a pale complexion, but right now he just looked sickly and paler than usual.

"We were offering Butters our congratulations," Kenny explained.

"Why?" Stan asked.

"He fucked Red!"

"Nice one dude."

Kyle just lay his head on the table, he just wanted to go home and go to sleep, The noise was making his head hurt and the pizza-y smell was making him nauseous.

"Lighten up Kahl!" Cartman was very loud and very close, making his throbbing head thump.

"Please," Kyle whined, "Just quiet down a bit, I feel like my brain's being bitten by Luis Suarez repeatedly."

"You'll be okay," Stan said.

Kyle turned and glared at Stan, "Fuck you, I should be in bed."

* * *

Clyde couldn't believe what he just heard. Craig lit a cigarette next to him.

"Wait," Clyde said in complete shock, "You _fucked_ Tweek?"

Craig nodded, "No one else will ever know, it may as well have not happened."

"That's cold," Clyde frowned, "That was his first time and you're telling him to act like it never happened? You're his friend."

"So?"

"So? It isn't fair on him. You don't have to tell people what happened, but you shouldn't say that it never happened because, like it or not, something did happen in there. You rammed your dick up his ass."

"Whatever," Craig shrugged as he tapped the end of his cigarette into the snow.

"You're not listening!" Clyde spun Craig round to see him, although he was six foot, Craig was six-eleven.

"I am," Craig corrected, "I just think you're wrong."

Clyde sighed, "Fine, you ask me for advice and completely disregard it. I'm going home."

* * *

Stan had taken Kyle home at five and the redhead was sleeping on the quarterback's bed whilst Stan played video games.

He should keep a better eye on Kyle at the next party.


	11. The Divorce

**Stan's parents get a divorce and he has trouble dealing with it.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Shelly Marsh, Sharon Marsh, Randy Marsh, Sheila Broflovski, Gerald Broflovski**

 **Stan and Kyle are 13**

* * *

The Divorce

"I think I get it," Stan smiled at his new boyfriend (new meaning four months), "Can you run over it again."

"Sure," Kyle nodded.

Kyle launched into another explanation on algebraic fractions. Stan wasn't very good at maths and Kyle was tutoring him when he needed help, afterwards they'd play videogames or watch crappy movies on Netflix.

"And once you cancel out the denominators you…"

Kyle stopped when he heard shouting from downstairs, he looked to Stan next to him and saw that he was now incredibly downcast.

"Don't bother him Randy!" Sharon shouted, "He's getting tutoring from Kyle because he's having trouble with math!"

"Well maybe he wouldn't need the tutoring if he was properly disciplined Sharon!" Randy retorted even louder, "He only grade that hasn't dropped is in Biology and we've been called in three times because he's been causing trouble!"

"As usual you don't know what you're talking about! Kyle was always in trouble with him and he's top of the class in everything!"

Kyle laid his hand on Stan's shoulder, "My place?"

Stan's movement was immediate and he was already packing his textbooks away before answering in the affirmative.

* * *

Kyle lived next door to Stan, and it was sometimes possible to hear Stan's parents from Kyle's room.

"Hello Stanley," Sheila was often very welcoming, she knew about Stan's situation at home and she often made Stan stay overnight to keep away from the animosity. Unfortunately, Cousin Kyle was staying over that night, so Stan couldn't stay, "Parents again?"

Stan nodded sadly and Sheila ushered them upstairs, making sure to remind Kyle to put some music or the TV on to drown out any noise.

Kyle plugged his phone into the docking station and brought up his playlist, "Choose a song."

Stan didn't take long to choose 'One More Time', they were both fans of Daft Punk.

"Can we skip out on the math?" Stan asked glumly, "I don't think I'll be able to concentrate."

"Yeah sure," Kyle answered as he flopped down on his bed, "I'm sorry you can't stay over tonight."

"It isn't your fault," Stan sighed, taking a seat next to his boyfriend.

"If you need to sneak over at any time during the night, do it," Kyle said seriously, turning to look into Stan's eyes, "If it gets that bad."

"But your mom…"

"Will understand."

Stan nodded and pulled the Jew into a hug, "You're the best."

"Super best," Kyle chuckled.

"Of course," Stan lips turned into the beginning of a smile.

"You want to talk about it?" Kyle asked.

"It's been going on too long," Stan said, his voice instantly starting to sound choked up, "It's been three months."

"It'll work itself out," Kyle tried to console Stan, even though it wasn't his forte, "However that may be."

"Dad was complaining about my grades before. Did he ever think that my grades are dropping because they won't stop arguing?"

"Probably not, knowing Randy."

"My therapist told me that any work he does with me is a lost cause because the arguing at home just gets worse."

"Holy shit dude," Kyle didn't have much else to say to that.

Stan had started crying by this point, "I hear my name brought up nearly every time!" His face quickly took on a look of horror, "What if I'm the reason my parents split up?"

"If they split up, it won't be because of you," Kyle was quick to say, "They're lucky to have a son like you!"

Stan pulled Kyle into a kiss, Kyle returned it and embraced Stan when they pulled apart,

"If you need _anything_ ," Kyle said, "You come to me."

Stan nodded, he was lucky to have Kyle at this difficult time in his life.

* * *

"You think I wouldn't find this?"

Stan was woken at 2:30 by his parents. Randy had probably been out late drinking.

"Find what?"

"THIS! 'We thank you for your service at _'_! You registered at a sex website?"

"Well sometimes a guy needs some stress relief!"

Stan felt like he was going to be sick.

"That's what your fucking _wife_ is here for!"

The shouting was loud enough that it sounded like the shouting was coming from the Broflovski household. Kyle was a light sleeper anyway, so he was woken by some of the quietest noises sometimes, he could hear his mother bustling down the landing.

"Call Stanley over," She told him after barging in.

Kyle ran his hands over his face and reached to his bedside cabinet to get his phone.

* * *

Stan was over quickly and Kyle had waited downstairs for him. Stan had immediately gone to Kyle and broken down in his hug, Kyle had held him tightly.

"It was the worst tonight," Stan sniffled as Kyle led him to the couch to calm down, by this point both of Kyle's parents had made their way downstairs.

"What happened?

"My mom found out that my dad has been using a sex website to cheat on her!"

"Oh shit," Kyle would usually have been scolded, but he wasn't because all three of the Broflovskis had said it at the same time.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Sheila asked, "A glass of water or something?"

Stan shook his head, "I just want to go to sleep."

"Okay," Gerald nodded, "You boys go up to bed."

* * *

"I don't think I've ever hated my dad more than I do now," Stan said as Kyle wrapped his arms around as they lay in bed, attempting to go to sleep.

"I think you need to kick his ass," Kyle replied, giving Stan a quick peck before settling.

"Mr. Mackey's been getting worried, I've been avoiding him for weeks."

"You should talk to him," Kyle yawned, "He may be a bit stupid, but he can help."

"If I'm going to talk to anyone about this, it'll be you."

Kyle nodded in response, "I'll always be there to listen."

* * *

Kyle woke up when he felt a cold rush of air, he immediately noticed that Stan wasn't in the bed with him. Kyle stood from the bed and walked to his door to look out, he noticed the light on in the bathroom. His bare feet padded over and he opened the door to see Stan with his backpack at his feet and a bottle of whiskey in his hand.

"Stan?"

Stan jolted and he tried to hide the whiskey.

"This is dangerous," Kyle wasn't angry and that shook Stan even more, "What about your meds?"

"I checked," Stan sniffled as tears came to his eyes, "I'll be fine."

"This is how you cope?" The tears were present in Kyle's voice as well.

Stan didn't answer.

"Those days when you don't answer your phone, or have any contact with me or anyone. Is it because you're drunk?"

Stan nodded reluctantly.

"Those days come around often."

"I'm sorry," Stan sobbed.

Kyle took the bottle from Stan and shoved it in his backpack before leading him back to the Jew's room.

"I'm so sorry," Stan was starting to hyperventilate, so Kyle took his inhaler from the bedside table and gave him a few puffs.

"Shhh," Kyle's voice was soft, but it was also strained, like he was trying not to sob like Stan was, "It'll be okay."

"I'm weak," Stan groaned, "I'm a fucking alcoholic and I'm only thirteen."

"I'm here," Kyle's thumbs were like windscreen wipers on Stan's cheeks, "I'm here to help you through this. But Stan, you have to stop."

"I know!" Stan cried.

"You can do it," Kyle gave him a smile of encouragement, "I know you can."

Stan nodded.

"I won't tell anyone right now, but if this gets worse then I'll have to."

"Okay," Stan replied as he rolled over and allowed Kyle to spoon him.

* * *

Stan and Kyle were both woken by Stan's phone ringing.

"Hello?" Stan answered sleepily, Kyle cuddled into his back and attempted to go back to sleep, it was a Saturday, "Hi mom."

" _Where are you Stanley?_ " Sharon asked, " _Where on Earth are you?_ "

"I'm at Kyle's," Stan replied, "Kyle told me to come over because they could hear you and Dad from their house."

" _Well then be home for dinner._ "

Stan hung up without saying goodbye to hear Kyle snoring again. He smiled, a rare occurrence at this time and pulled his secret boyfriend into his arms, spotting a wet patch on the pillow where Kyle had drooled.

* * *

Dinner was tense. Stan and Shelly looked at each other nervously as Randy and Sharon glared across the table at each other.

"How was your day Stan?" Sharon asked, clearly forcing a smile.

"It was okay," Stan answered, "Kyle helped me with some Physics and then we played some Smash Bros."

"Well maybe if you didn't keep getting into trouble, you wouldn't need help with Physics," Randy cut in.

"We talked about this Randy!" Sharon huffed.

"I just think he needs to knuckle down and work!"

"If he needs help, he needs help! It's a good thing his friends are there to support him!"

"He shouldn't need his friends' help!"

"SHUT UP!"

Randy and Sharon ceased their arguing to see Stan standing up.

"I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT!" Stan bellowed, "IF YOU TWO ARE GOING TO DIVORCE JUST DO IT ALREADY! IT'S THIS SHIT THAT'S BRINGING MY GRADES DOWN, THIS IS THE REASON I'M ON FUCKING HAPPY PILLS, BECAUSE YOU TWO WON'T STOP ARGUING AND I'M SCARED AND I JUST WANT IT TO END!"

Stan ran upstairs, leaving Sharon and Randy completely stunned.

"Well done assholes," Shelly said going to follow her brother, finding him curled up on his bed, sobbing heavily. She sat next to him and wrapped her arms around him, "It's okay Stan."

"It's not," Stan cried, "I was too harsh."

"You have got to be the nicest pussy ever you turd," Shelly laughed, "Too harsh? You were too kind."

"I just want them to stop."

"Me too, me too."

Shelly just hugged her brother tighter and let him sob into her shoulder. They had grown closer since he was ten and now she was going to be there to support him.

* * *

As soon as Kyle found out, he made Stan spend the week at his, something Sheila whole-heartedly supported. Stan was the happiest he'd been for a while until Sharon asked him to come home for some news.

"Sit down Stan," Sharon said, not meeting his eye, he took a seat on the couch.

"Now kids," Randy started, "We know that this has been a tough time for you."

Stan scoffed, "Not that you tried to make things easier."

"We're sorry for what we put you through," Sharon continued, "And we have decided to go through with a divorce."

Stan didn't know whether it was a good thing to feel relief after she said that.


	12. Cuddles

**Just some Stylish fluff.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski**

 **Takes place anytime after 'Their First Time' but before they turn 20.**

* * *

Cuddles

They lay together in the afterglow. Kyle's top half was laid on Stan's chest and his head was touching his, making it easy for Stan to press kisses to his cheek and neck, Stan had his arms wrapped loosely around Kyle's waist. Kyle shivered and Stan nuzzled his neck.

"I'm cold," Kyle said quietly.

Kyle was expecting Stan to close the window, or tell Kyle to close the window, but he simply tightened his grip around Kyle's waist and pulled him closer.

"Stan?"

"I'm making you warm," Stan replied.

Kyle rolled his eyes at Stan's antics, "That's so fucking gay."

"Says the one who took it up the ass."

Kyle rolled his eyes again, "I'm still cold."

Stan pulled him even closer, "Just wait, I'll make you warm."

"You're the sappiest motherfucker I've ever met."

"Jewfucker."

"What?"

"We had sex, I'm a Jewfucker."

Kyle rolled his eyes for the third time, "Jesus on ice skates."

"We didn't have sex," Stan decided.

"No," Kyle sighed, "You just stuck your dick up my ass."

"We made love."

"Oh God," Kyle chuckled, "You _are_ the sappiest motherfucker ever."

"Jewfucker."

"Fine, the sappiest Jewfucker ever."

"Better."

Kyle turned his head to see Stan smiling, just a regular Stan smile that the Jew loved. Kyle blushed and he felt his body temperature rise.

"Told you I'd warm you up," Stan was still smiling.

"Shut up," Kyle smiled back.

Stan pulled the covers up to their chests, before wrapping his arms back around Kyle's waist.

"You may be the sappiest Jewfucker ever," Kyle kissed Stan's cheek, "But I love you all the same."

"That's how I know I'll get away with it," Stan laughed, "Because you love me enough to accept my sappiness."

Kyle kissed his cheek again, "Damn right I do."

Stan turned his head to give Kyle an Eskimo kiss, "You can be so cute at times."

"You say that so much," Kyle shook his head, but was too well-loved at the moment to complain about being called cute.

"You so independent but when we're in private you like to be the little spoon," Stan used the analogy even though they weren't spooning.

"What can I say? I like it when you make me feel loved."

"That's fair enough."

"You're very good at it."

"I like to think I'm a good boyfriend."

"You're not a good boyfriend."

Stan looked at him with a mild look of hurt, but Kyle just smiled at him.

"You're the super best boyfriend."

Stan smiled back and pulled him into a kiss, "So are you."

"I love you."

"I love you too."


	13. Tied Together

**Kyle is nervous, he has to ask Stan something important.**

* * *

 **Character: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick**

 **Characters are nineteen. Takes place after Dysfunctional.**

* * *

Tied Together

"I'm so psyched for tonight," Stan smiled with a spring in his step, "We haven't time to go out in so long."

"Sorry about that," Kyle looked to his feet sheepishly, "I've been overrun with exams."

Kyle had asked Stan out on a date for the first time in a while, he'd asked him to a fancy restaurant because he'd been busy with college work and had been rather ignorant and inattentive of his boyfriend because he had been swamped with revision.

"You okay?" Stan asked, "You look tense."

"I'm fine!" Kyle replied hurriedly.

Stan raised an eyebrow, "You sure?"

Kyle nodded.

Stan didn't mention that Kyle had been walking at an arm's length away from him.

* * *

Kyle splashed some cold water on his face in the bathroom when they got to the restaurant.

"C'mon Kyle," He told himself, "You can do this."

He lifted his ushanka and wiped his brow, taking deep breaths to compose himself. He'd never been so nervous in his life and he _couldn't_ fuck this up.

Stan wasn't looking happy when he came back.

"What's going on?" He asked sternly.

"What do you mean?" Kyle replied.

"You're taking every chance to get away from me!"

"No I'm not," Kyle tried to reassure him.

"Yes you are!" Stan's voice was rising in volume, "I can understand the last few weeks, you've had exams and shit, but we have summer off! I thought we'd be spending that together but you've been distancing yourself from me for the past week! Not Kenny, not Cartman, only me!"

Kyle was dumbstruck by Stan's blowout, a rare occurrence for him.

"You know you can tell me _anything_ Kyle," Stan quietened, "And the only time you're ever close to me anymore is when we're lying in bed."

"I… I…"

Stan was suddenly conscious of everyone staring at then and he stood silently, walking to the door and leaving the restaurant. Kyle instantly got up and followed him.

"Where are you going?" Kyle asked sadly.

"Things haven't changed," Stan replied just as sorrowful, "So I'm going home."

* * *

"What did I do wrong?" Stan said softly, tugging at Kyle's heart strings and bringing the argument to a halt.

"Nothing," Kyle whispered.

"Then why have you been ignoring me?" Stan thundered, his tone quickly shifted back into the sorrowful tone it had before, "Do you still love me?"

"Of course I do," Kyle answered without a moment's hesitation, "There's been a lot going on lately."

 _It wasn't supposed to be this way._

"You can talk to me about it," Stan sighed and he pulled his tie off.

Kyle sat on the bed and cast his eyes down, he'd fucked up.

"Well…?" Stan was looking expectant, now standing in just his boxers.

"I…" Kyle took a deep breath and got ready to take the plunge, "I asked you out for a special reason. I wanted to tell you in the restaurant, I booked a fancy one and that shit to make it just that more memorable."

Stan's eyes softened, "Okay."

"But I pussied out," Kyle continued, "I've been so scared and nervous that I shied away from you and I'm sorry."

"You were _scared_ of me?" Stan asked incredulously, "What more do you want from me?"

Kyle got down on one knee and took Stan's hand in both of his, "Marry me."

Stan nearly choked on his own spit, "What?"

"Marry me," Kyle repeated, "That's why I asked you out, that's why I got scared. I love you so much and I want to spend the rest of my life by your side."

"Kyle… I…"

"I'm sorry I don't have a ring, I've been saving for one. I just couldn't wait to ask."

"Don't bother with the ring," Stan shook his head, "Save that money for the wedding."

Kyle's eyes lit up, "You mean…?"

"Yes Kyle," Stan smiled widely, "I will marry you."

Kyle leapt to his feet and took Stan's face in his hands, bringing their faces together and meeting him for a passionate kiss. When they broke apart, Stan could see Kyle's eyes filling with tears.

"I was so scared you'd say no and that would drive us apart," Kyle admitted, "I don't want to spend my life with anyone else."

"It's an honour to spend my life with you," Stan grinned, his eyes starting to well up as well, "It's a dream come true."

Kyle pulled him into another kiss, this one was slower, more loving, more gentle.

"Let's get some dinner," Stan entwined their fingers together, "And then we'll spend the whole night celebrating."

* * *

Kenny smirked as they stepped into the kitchen the following morning looking dishevelled, Stan wasn't wearing his hat and his hair was messy, he was clad only in a T-shirt and boxers. Kyle was in Stan's high school American football jersey and some green pyjama pants, some of his hair was poking out from underneath his hat, "You guys were busy last night."

Stan smiled sheepishly at Kyle who blushed, "Yeah…"

"You were still going at 4:30."

"We had a reason to celebrate," Kyle was smiling like a four-year-old in a sweet shop.

"Do tell."

Stan wrapped his arms around Kyle's waist from behind and laid his chin atop the ushanka on his head.

"We're getting married," He smiled.

Kenny's jaw dropped, "You what?"

"Kyle proposed," Stan's grin widened, "We're getting married but we don't have a ring yet."

"Whatever!" Kenny laughed, "Congrats, I probably should have seen it coming."

"I guess you can guess what we need to ask you," Kyle's cheeks must have been hurting by now, "Will you be my best man?"

"Of course I will," Kenny was immensely happy for his two friends, "I assume Cartman's going to be Stan's best man?"

Stan nodded, "You assume correctly."

"You might want to go out today," Kyle grinned sheepishly, "We're still going to be 'celebrating'."

Kenny chuckled, "Duly noted."

"We wanna tell Cartman first," Stan said, "He has class this afternoon."

"Warn him?" Kenny smirked.

"Yeah," Kyle laughed.

"I heard him snoring when we walked past before," Stan supplied.

"Of course you could," Kenny laughed, "He's as loud as a bus."

"Stan isn't much better," Kyle chuckled, "He's pretty loud as well."

"You're louder than me!" Stan retorted.

"If I may," Kenny smiled, "Stan is louder than Kyle even though Kyle snores pretty loudly. Cartman is much worse than the both of you."

"At what?"

Cartman yawned as he waddled into the room, directing a glare at Stan and Kyle, "I couldn't sleep last night thanks to you guys."

"I'd stay out after you've been to class," Kyle told him.

"Why? I pay for the rent for this place too you know!"

"Kyle and I going to be celebrating our engagement," Stan smiled, "We're not quieting down for you guys."

"You should be fucking considerate…" Cartman's eyes widened as he realised what Stan had said, "Wait… back up there. Engagement?"

Kyle nodded, the giddy grin from before sneaking across his face.

"You two are taking the vows?" Cartman began to smile with the rest of them, "That's sweet."

"We need to ask you something," Stan turned serious briefly, "Will you be my best man?"

Cartman nodded, "Yeah, of course. Is Kenny Kahl's?"

Kyle nodded, "It had to be you two."

"We'll keep out for this afternoon," Kenny said, "You two need to enjoy each other after this past week."

Stan kissed Kyle's cheek, "Whatever, we're definitely past that."

Stan and Kyle had started 'celebrating' after lunch when Kenny and Cartman left at 12:30, they didn't emerge again until 6:00.


	14. Tied Together (Part II)

**Stan and Kyle tell the people in South Park about their engagement.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, Ike Broflovski, Shelly Marsh, Sharon Marsh, Randy Marsh, Sheila Broflovski, Gerald Broflovski**

 **This takes place one week after the last one.**

 **In response to SASTF141's review, the wedding will be part three. I see 'Blood Brothers' being more of a Kyle and Cartman title because of the whole kidney thing.**

* * *

Tied Together (Part II)

They made the trip back to South Park that following weekend to give their parents the news. Kyle was understandably nervous, he hadn't asked for Stan's parent's blessing.

"They'll love it," Stan clasped Kyle's hand in his, a wide smile on his face.

Stan had been extremely excited to tell anyone and everyone, he'd basically announced it to everyone at their college without a second thought. Kyle was getting sick off being given congratulations by everyone every day.

"Are you having second thoughts?" Stan asked worriedly.

"No," Kyle replied instantly and with complete sincerity, "I'm just worried about what your parents with think, or what my parents will think."

"Who cares?" Stan smiled, "We're getting married dude, after six years of being together. That's enough time together to get married."

"You bring up a good point."

Stan nodded, "We're meeting them at your parent's place right?"

Kyle nodded, "Ma told your parents to come over so we could tell them both at once."

"We're staying for dinner, sleeping at your parent's place and then going back because of our jobs."

Kyle hummed in confirmation, "That's the plan."

Stan pulled over and stopped the car in front of the Broflovski residence, he unbuckled his seat belt and turned to Kyle.

"No matter what they think," Stan smiled, "Nothing is going to change my mind."

"Nothing's going to change mine," Kyle agreed.

Stan kissed him softly, "Let's get this over with."

Stan got out of the car and Kyle quickly followed suit.

* * *

Kyle walked in front of Stan because he had the keys to the house, he unlocked the door and stepped in.

Sheila enveloped her son in a hug when they walked into the living room.

"Hello boys," She smiled, "What's this news you have?"

"We've just stepped through the door ma," Kyle shook his head, "Just us a few seconds to sit down."

"Calm down Sheila," Gerald chuckled, "We all want to know too."

"How have things been around here?" Stan asked as he sat on the couch next to Kyle.

"Quiet," Sharon replied, "Nothing happens around here without you guys around."

"At least we're not in the middle of everything," Kyle shrugged, "The amount of times we nearly died was extraordinary."

"Didn't you die once?" Stan frowned at him.

Kyle nodded, "No idea how I didn't stay that way."

"Whatever," Sheila waved a hand dismissively, "What's this news you have to tell us?"

Stan turned giddy and he pulled Kyle onto his lap, "This little asshole was being incredibly distant for the week after exams…"

"That doesn't explain why you're so happy," Randy cut in.

"So we went on a date and he was still distant," Stan continued, "We ended up having an argument and he finally admitted to me why he was so distant and ended up doing that very thing."

"What was it?" Sheila couldn't take the tension.

"He proposed." Stan tried to keep his voice as even as possible, but he was basically bouncing in his seat. Kyle was blushing and looking sheepish in his lap.

"I'm guessing by your actions that you said yes," Gerald said.

Stan nodded, "Of course I did."

"Don't you boys think you're too young for such a large commitment?" Sheila asked worriedly.

"We've been together since we were thirteen," Stan said as Kyle looked at him as if to say ' _I told you so_ '.

"We've been together long enough," Kyle agreed.

"Sheila," Gerald said, "If they're ready to get married, who are we to stop them? We'd be keeping them from being happy."

"Neither of you have a ring," Sharon noted.

"I was saving for one," Kyle admitted, "I just had to do it though. Stan said to put that money towards the wedding."

"You're planning on getting married without being able to afford it?" Sheila shrieked.

"I knew this was going to happen," Kyle mumbled under his breath.

"We're not planning on getting married tomorrow," Stan was still smiling even after Sheila's reaction, "We'll save up the money we have leftover until we can afford it."

"I think it's great," Randy smiled, "I think we have to celebrate in some way."

"For once," Sharon said, "I think Randy's right. We need to have a celebration."

"Is the old barbeque still in the garage?" Randy asked her.

Sharon nodded, "That's actually a good idea, we'll have a barbeque at my place to celebrate."

"Is next weekend good for you guys?"

Stan shook himself out of his dumbfounded stupor, "Yeah, we'll get Kenny and Cartman to come down as well, they're the best men."

"We need to tell Butters about it too," Kyle said.

"What can he do? He's been a good friend of ours too," Stan wondered.

"Maybe we can get him to go online and get ordained. Then he can perform the service," Kyle replied jokingly.

"I like that idea," Stan smiled, causing Kyle to choke on his own spit, "I think that's a great idea, Butters deserves to have something important to do with the ceremony."

"I'm getting married to a retard," Kyle laughed "I was joking."

"Can we do it anyway?" Stan asked pleadingly, "I like the idea."

Kyle was about to bring up the fact that they were getting married in a church and with a priest or a vicar, but he realised how happy it would make his future husband, "Alright then, as long as I still get to break the glass."

"Sweet," Stan smiled.

"Don't you boys need to tell Ike?" Sheila asked.

"No," Kyle shook his head, "He called me the night after we got engaged and Stan was still yelling about it to Cartman and Kenny in the background. We wanted to tell you guys in person so I told him not to tell you about it."

"That's understandable," Gerald nodded.

"We'll be back in a little bit," Kyle said as they stood, "We need to go and tell Butters about this."

"What time will you be back?" Sheila asked.

"By dinner."

* * *

"Hey fellas!" Butters smiled, "What brings you guys down here?"

"We had news to tell our parents," Kyle explained, "You wanna come to Shakey's with us."

"Yeah," Butters nodded, "We haven't hung out in a while. Are Kenny and Cartman still up in Fort Collins?"

"Yeah, they couldn't free up time until next weekend."

"What did you have to tell your parents?"

Stan's face turned back into that giddy smile, "Kyle proposed."

"Wowee!" Butters smiled brightly, "I guess Kenny and Cartman are your best men."

"We think that you should get ordained online and conduct the service," Stan clapped Butters' shoulder, "We thought you deserved a big part of the wedding."

"I sure will fellas."

* * *

"Where was Shelly?" Kyle asked as he walked back to his parents' house with Stan, "I thought she lived with your mom."

"She's been living at her new boyfriend's house," Stan replied, "I'll call her tonight."

"Do it now," Kyle decided.

Stan pulled his phone out of pocket selected Shelly's number, he waited for his sister to pick up.

" _Hello?_ "

"Shelly?"

" _Stan?_ "

"Who else do you know who sounds like me?"

" _There's this guy called Turd._ "

Stan chuckled at the reference to her old name for him, "Whatever, I have news."

" _What?_ "

"I'm getting married!"

" _To Kyle?_ "

"No to Cartman, of course I'm marrying Kyle."

" _That's awesome!"_

"Mom and dad are hosting a barbeque at mom's place next weekend to celebrate, you've got to come."

" _Definitely, gotta go now. See you next weekend!"_

"See you Shelly."

Kyle was looking at him expectantly.

"She's happy for us," Stan smiled.

Kyle fist-pumped, "Basically everyone's cool with it."

"Your mom wasn't too happy."

"She's just shocked, she wants us to be happy."

* * *

They made the trip back the next weekend, Kenny and Cartman were in the back seat, singing badly to the songs Kyle was choosing on his iPod.

Randy answered the door and basically dragged them through to the back garden where each of their families were, even the McCormicks and Liane Cartman. Butters was already there and there was a long table set up.

"What are you boys going to do about last names?" Kenny asked after everyone was sat down with food.

"We haven't really thought about that yet," Stan frowned, "It's a pretty big deal and I don't want to get into argument about it yet."

"Who's saying you two will argue," Cartman shrugged, "Just stick a hyphen between your names."

"I hate hyphenated names," Kyle replied, "It sounds pretentious."

"The wedding probably won't be for a while anyway," Ike pointed out, "They have plenty of time to decide."

"In fact," Kyle said as he rooted through his pockets, he turned to Stan after finding what he looking for, "Heads for Marsh, tails for Broflovski."

"Nice plan," Stan smiled.

"What, what, WHAT!"

Kyle flipped the coin and it landed in the centre of the table, heads up, "Marsh it is then."

"Kyle, don't you think you should discuss this at length?" Sheila asked.

"We'd just be going round in circles," Kyle explained, "This way was fair, and it gave us a definite answer."

"What about your heritage?"

"Just because I'm changing my last name doesn't mean I'm denouncing my faith," Kyle laughed, "I still do all the holidays and stuff in Boulder and if I can't come home like I couldn't this time, we all celebrate Hanukkah."

"Kyle does have a point," Gerald agreed.

Kyle nodded at his father as if to thank him.

* * *

Sheila had gone inside to pour herself another drink. As she turned to leave the kitchen, she saw her son standing in the doorway.

"Oh Kyle," She jumped, "You frightened me."

"Sorry," Kyle shrugged sheepishly, "Do you have a problem with me getting married?"

Kyle's tone wasn't angry, it was concerned, and it tugged at Sheila's heartstrings.

"No I don't," Sheila replied.

"They why are you picking holes all the time?"

Sheila pulled her son into a hug, "Because I want you to be happy. I want you to go over all the fine details so they're to your liking."

"They are ma."

"You have to understand that it's difficult for me, you're still my little bubbelah."

Kyle blushed with embarrassment, "Aww, ma. I told you to stop calling me that years ago."

"But sometimes I still see that little boy who liked me calling him that because he thought it sounded funny."

Kyle chuckled.

"You're growing up so fast, you might even be having kids of your own in a few years," Sheila smiled as she held him close, "As your mother, the one who's raised you since birth, it's difficult to let go."

Kyle nodded in understanding, even though he didn't really understand, "Okay, but I'll still need you around. Who'll lead the protests when my kids start swearing?"

Sheila gave her son a light swat on the head as she laughed, "I don't think it'll be Sharon. I still need to teach you how to argue."

* * *

 **I have a few more oneshots waiting, but if there's anything you would like to see (and I like the idea) request it via PM or review (if you're using the reviews, leave feedback as well, not just the idea). An upcoming oneshot is going to be a game of 'never have I ever', so leave ideas for that too.**


	15. Legalised

**The boys react to Gay Marriage being legalised in the States (about a year too late Yankees).**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, Craig Tucker**

 **This one is short and Tied Together (Part III) was supposed to be written first, but after getting the request from SASTF141, I just had to write this.**

 **The boys are 16.**

* * *

Legalised

"Dude, you'll never guess what happened today!"

"Craig got hit by a bus?" Kyle asked, trying to judge from Stan's cheerful mood.

"No."

"Wendy stopped going after you?"

"No."

"You found out about my plans to ride you tonight?"

"No… wait really?"

Kyle nodded.

"Sweet, but no, that's not it."

"What is it then?"

"Gay Marriage has been legalised!"

"I thought it already was," Kyle raised an eyebrow quizzically and he set his tray down, "Mr. Slave and Big Gay Al got married."

"It was in Colorado," Stan nodded, "But now it's legal nationwide."

"Cool," Kyle shrugged.

"That it?"

"What?"

"Just a 'cool' and a shrug?" Stan asked, "I thought you'd be happy, Obama acknowledged our rights as human beings."

"Yeah, but we're too young to get married anyway," Kyle said, "It's not like we'd been waiting for this for a long time, maybe if we were a bit older then yeah, I'd probably be jumping around like you are."

"But, gay rights."

"It's awesome that this finally happened," Kyle reasoned, "I'm just not jumping around like a lunatic."

"You sound like you don't care," Stan frowned.

"Do I?"

Stan nodded.

"Oh sorry," Kyle jumped on the spot, squealing and fanning himself before coming to an abrupt halt, "Better?"

"I get the feeling you were just making fun of me."

Kyle face-palmed, "No shit Sherlock."

"Why's Kyle just been jumping around like Wendy would be if Stan went out with her in the middle of the cafeteria?" Kenny asked as he sat at their usual table with them.

"Gay marriage has just gotten legalised," Stan explained, "And Kyle was making fun of me for being happy."

"You're taking it the wrong way," Kyle sighed, "Of course I'm happy about it, it just doesn't affect us right now. I'll be happier in a few years when we're actually getting married."

Stan looked over to him hopefully, "You see us getting married in the future?"

"Of course I do!" Kyle smiled, "I love you, I can't live without you. Hell, I already live with you, add a ring to our fingers and kick your mom out and it's how I see the future."

Stan began smiling widely again. He got up, moved to the other side of table so he was next to Kyle and pulled the redhead onto his lap.

"I love you too," Stan said as he nuzzled his boyfriend, "You basically recited my dreams Kyle."

Kyle smiled warmly at his boyfriend and pulled him into a kiss, prompting most of the girls (except for one certain bitch) to squeal with delight.

"Some of us are trying to eat fags!"

"You're just upset that you ripped Stripes in half with your tiny prick Craig!" Kyle shouted back.

"If my prick was tiny how could I rip Stripes in half?"

"Because Stripes is a guinea pig, a ten-year-old could rip it in half. But you already did so…"

"Stripes is a 'he' actually."

Kyle rolled his eyes and allowed Stan to continue nuzzling him as he began to eat.

"Why is Craig fuming over there?" Cartman asked as he returned from a short detention.

"Kyle said that he ripped Stripes in half trying to fuck it," Stan replied a quiet ' _him_ ' could be heard in the background.

"Why's he on your lap? You don't normally do that in the lunchroom."

"Gay Marriage was legalised today," Kyle explained.

Cartman nodded in understanding, "That's awesome you guys, now you can fuck in holy matrimony!"

They both nodded in response, "Yep."

"Hey fellas."

"Hey Butters," All four of them replied in unison.

"Did you guys hear the news? Gay marriage has been legalised nationwide!"

"We know," Kenny said, "That's why Stan is being such a pussy right now."

Stan lifted his head from Kyle's neck, "I'm not being a pussy."

"Wowee!" Butters exclaimed happily, "Now we can all get married and have it recognised everywhere."

"We know Butters," Kyle replied, "And Stan you are being a pussy."

"I'm not being a pussy!"

* * *

 **Keep those requests coming.**


	16. The Boyfriend Tag

**Stan gets** **Kyle to help him make his first video on YouTube.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski**

 **The characters are 16 and takes place after chapter 20 of Dysfunctional. Just like last time, I had to write this. I got the questions from another boyfriend tag South park fic, just search 'the boyfriend tag' in South Park and it's the Stan and Kyle one. I tried not to make it seem like I was ripping that one off, I was just writing my interpretation of these characters.**

* * *

The Boyfriend Tag

"You've never made a video before," Kyle frowned, "Now you want to start?"

"I thought this would be fun," Stan replied as he set up the camera, they each had YouTube accounts for getting past the 18 or over warning, but Stan would be the first to upload a video to his, "You said you'd do it. Besides, we got Butters to get the questions for us, I'm sure he made some up. It's time for us to really test how much we know each other."

"I'm not backing out, I was just wondering why you wanted to do this."

"Because I love you and I want to show you off to the world."

Kyle sighed, "You just want sex afterwards don't you."

"It'd be nice."

"Let's get this over with."

Stan turned the camera on, "Hey there kids and squids!"

"I wish I hadn't gotten Ike to force you to play that."

"For my first video on this channel," Stan continued as if Kyle hadn't said a word, "I thought I'd ask my boyfriend to do the boyfriend tag with me, say hello Kyle."

"This is so cringe-worthy and we haven't even started answering questions yet," Kyle groaned.

"So without further ado…"

 **1\. How long have you have you been together?**

"We've known each other we were babies, but we've been in a relationship for three years," Kyle said.

"We kept it secret for two though," Stan added.

 **2\. What was our first date?**

"Video games at yours?" Stan asked.

Kyle nodded, "That or Shakey's."

 **3\. Where was our first kiss and how was it?**

"Kyle's room a week after we got together."

"It was like two thirteen-year-olds who weren't sure about their relationship."

 **4\. Did you know that I was the one?**

"Our relationship started as an experiment because Stan pussied out of kissing his girlfriend who promptly broke up with him," Kyle explained.

"I did know sometime before the six month mark," Stan said.

"A little while after the six month mark," Kyle admitted, "Remember that we've known each other our whole lives and that time was important to our relationship even if we didn't realise it."

 **5\. First impression?**

"I remember thinking your hat was cool," Stan chuckled.

"I don't remember much," Kyle confessed, "But I must've liked you if we've always been best friends."

"Awwww," Stan smiled playfully, "I like you too."

Kyle gave Stan a light swat to the arm as he received a kiss on the cheek, his cheeks erupting into a blush.

 **6\. When did you meet the family?**

"Again, babies," Kyle waved dismissively.

"I puked on your mom once," Stan said, "If that means anything."

 **7\. Do we have a tradition?**

"Kyle reads to me every Wednesday," Stan said.

"That started because Stan couldn't keep his attention on a book he had to read for a book report, I ended up reading it to him so he could actually do his homework. He asked me to read to him again the next Wednesday."

"Kyle reads sometimes in his spare time, he gets different books to read to me so that neither of us know what's going to happen."

 **9\. What was our first road trip?**

"Our first road trip that we took so that we could just get away for a while with our friends was this summer," Kyle told any possible viewer.

"Kyle got into a fight because someone was hitting on me," Stan smiled, pulling his boyfriend into his lap and kissing his neck.

"Yeah, well I'm not going to let some asshole who just wants a fuck harass you like that!"

"I thought you looked fucking badass when you came back with that cut on your cheek," Stan laughed, "You looked hot!"

 **9\. Who said I love you first and where were we?**

"Stan," Kyle said, "He's the sappy pussy."

"We were in here, my bedroom," Stan smiled fondly at the memory, "Kyle was showing me how to beat the Egg Dragoon on Sonic Generations when I just kind of blurted it out."

Kyle nuzzled Stan's neck, "It's a good thing I felt the same, or things would have been awkward."

"God, I love you."

"I love you too."

 **10\. What do we argue about the most?**

"Everything," Stan chuckled, "We have a lot of differing opinions."

"We never argue too seriously though unless it directly affects us," Kyle made sure to tell people, "We still love each other as much as ever after each argument, they normally end in sex anyway."

 **11\. Who wears the pants in the relationship?**

"Me," Kyle said without hesitation, "Stan's a pussy. I've broken someone's nose for a friend and gotten into a fight for Stan."

"No way," Stan disagreed, "I top, hence why I wear the pants."

"I top too!"

"I top more often and you _prefer_ to bottom."

"My sexual preferences don't reflect on who wears the pants! I'm the one who actually speaks my mind. Besides, you cried at the end of Empire Strikes Back."

Stan went to retort, "Damn."

 **12\. If I'm sitting in front of the TV what am I watching?**

"Kyle and I share a lot of the same tastes," Stan explained, "We watch anime, Breaking Bad, Avatar (not the blue aliens), Family Guy, Terrance and Philip and The Simpsons, just to name a few."

"The only real difference we have is that I like the Big Bang Theory," Kyle shrugged, "Stan prefers How I Met Your Mother."

 **13\. What dressing do I get on my salad?**

Stan and Kyle smirked at each other.

" _You don't make friends with salad,_

 _You don't make friends with salad._ "

 **14\. What's the one food don't I like?**

"Kyle despises bananas," Stan said, "I don't know why, I think they just make him sick."

"Stan hates veal," Kyle nudged his boyfriend, "We once saved a bunch of baby cows and got the name changed to 'little tortured baby cow', we got grounded for three weeks."

 **15\. When we go out to eat what do I get to drink?**

"Kyle's diabetic," Stan said, "So he always gets Diet, usually Coke but he also has Sprite."

"Stan drinks Coke or Sprite, he hates diet."

 **16\. What size shoe do I wear?**

"Kyle's already pretty short," Stan smirked, "He only has size sixes."

"Stan's over half a foot taller than me," Kyle frowned at him, "He has fucking size twelves."

"I can confirm that the whole small feet thing doesn't apply to Kyle."

He received a swat from his blushing boyfriend.

 **17\. If I was collecting anything what would it be?**

"Stan's a hoarder," Kyle laughed, "So everything."

"Kyle would probably collect something boring like stamps."

Another swat was received.

 **18\. What is my favourite type of sandwich?**

"Kyle likes ham and cheese, even though he's Jewish."

"Stan likes BLT."

 **19\. What would I eat everyday if I could?**

"Kyle would eat Strawberry Twizzlers."

"Stan loves Cherry Twizzlers."

 **20\. What's my favourite cereal?**

"We don't eat cereal," Kyle said.

"I like Lucky Charms though," Stan cut in.

 **21\. What is my favourite music?**

"Kyle likes rap, RnB and Techno. He really likes Daft Punk, he got me into them," Stan said.

"Stan likes rock," Kyle leaned back into Stan's chest, "He got me into U2."

 **22\. What's my favourite sports team?**

"We both like anything from Colorado, the Broncos, the Rapids, the Nuggets, the Rockies, you know the like."

"We do watch the Barclays Premier League sometimes though," Kyle nodded, "We like Everton from there."

 **23\. What is my eye colour?**

"Go," Kyle closed his eyes.

"Green, like emeralds."

"Got it in one," Kyle laughed as Stan closed his eyes, "Blue."

"You're winner dude."

 **24\. Who is my best friend?**

"Kyle's my best friend," Stan said, "I'm pretty sure I'm his."

"You're not."

Stan looked at Kyle with a look of horror.

"I'm kidding, yes Stan is my best friend."

 **25\. What is something that I do that you don't like?**

"I love everything Kyle does," Stan smiled warmly, pulling his boyfriend into a kiss, "I love everything about him, from his short temper to his freckles."

"You're the sappiest person ever."

Stan kept smiling at him.

"But you're my sappiest person ever."

Stan pulled him into a passionate kiss, delving his tongue into his mouth before pulling away to look at the camera, "There's a show for our viewers. Stay fresh guys."

* * *

 **I'm sorry, I had to put my own sport allegiance in there.**

 **Keep the requests coming, just keep them relevant to the series (for example, don't ask for a Kyman lemon because Kyle's with Stan in this.)**


	17. Tied Together (Part III)

**The wedding you've all been waiting for.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, Ike Broflovski, Sharon Marsh, Randy Marsh, Sheila Broflovski, Gerald Broflovski**

 **The boys are 20. It's been a long time coming, but the end of the Tied Together trilogy is here and I hope to God that I did a good job on this. I realise that the way things are done may be different to normal weddings, but Stan and Kyle seem like the type to do things differently anyway.**

* * *

Tied Together (Part III)

"Chill out you fucking fag," Cartman groaned, Stan had been pacing for at least twenty minutes and it was making Cartman's feet hurt.

"Fuck you Cartman," Stan replied, but it held no venom, "This is the biggest day of my life!"

"It's the biggest day of Kyle's too," Cartman reminded him, "I'm sure he's handling it better than you."

* * *

Kyle wasn't. He was folding and unfolding his fingers rhythmically and gnawing on the ear flap of his ushanka (that Stan insisted that he wore).

"How you holding up?" Kenny asked.

Kyle squeaked.

"I see."

Kyle cleared his throat so he could actually speak, "I'm terrified."

"Don't be," Kenny smiled, "After today you'll be happily faggy together for the rest of your lives."

"I know, I just don't want to fuck today up. I really love him Kenny."

"I know you do, he really loves you too and by the end of today, you'll always be together."

Kyle gave Kenny a small smile, "I really want that."

"Or you could fumble and make a complete ass of yourself but…"

Kenny didn't finish because Kyle's fist had lodged itself in his stomach.

"Not now asshole," Kyle growled.

Kenny was about to reply when there was a knock on the door, he walked across the small room they were in and opened it to see Kyle's parents.

"How are you doing bubbelah?" Sheila asked as she walked in with Gerald following behind.

"I'm nervous," Kyle admitted, "Were you guys nervous before your wedding?"

"Of course we were Kyle," Gerald said understandingly.

"Just think about how happy you'll make Stanley," Sheila pulled her son into a hug, "Or about how handsome he'll look out there."

Kyle took a deep breath and then nodded.

"We're so proud of you," Sheila smiled at him.

* * *

Stan's parents were in the room he was in, telling him the same thing.

"Sometimes I wonder where the boy who committed an act of eco-terrorism for the sake of some baby cows went," Sharon sighed, "Then I remember that he's grown into a young man who I'm proud to call my son."

Stan chuckled, "Thanks mom."

"The wedding is always scary," Randy clapped his son on the back, "But get through today and he'll be yours."

Stan nodded, "Okay, just get through today."

* * *

Cartman and Kenny had gone to make sure everything was running smoothly, Ike had that job for the day (he'd actually done a good job despite being fourteen), but it was the excuse they'd used to allow the grooms to talk with their parents.

"How's Jewboy been?" Cartman asked.

"Terrified," Kenny answered.

"So Stan wasn't just being a little bitch."

"I can't believe they actually asked Butters to get ordained for this."

"Fellas?" Butters walked over with Ike, "We're ready now."

* * *

"Kyle," Kenny said as he joined the Jews in the room, "It's time."

Sheila made some kind of squealing noise, "We need to take our seats bubbeh, good luck."

Kyle nodded and let his parents go ahead, he took a deep breath and looked to Kenny, "Let's do this."

* * *

"It's show time hippy," Cartman said as he barged through the door.

Stan looked up and nodded.

"Good luck," Randy said as he and Sharon left to take their seats.

"Okay," Stan breathed shakily.

Cartman walked over to him, "You can do this Stan."

Stan bit his lip before standing, "Let's go."

* * *

Neither of them was going to be walking down the aisle with their father. Instead they met at the altar, Stan was basically hyperventilating when they both got there. Kyle just smiled and took his hands into his own, gently rubbing Stan's knuckles with his thumbs.

"Calm down dude," Kyle muttered under his breath so that only Stan could hear him, "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

Stan took some deep breaths and then nodded to Butters.

"We are here today to celebrate the joining of these two in holy matrimony," Butters said, his smile was wide. He was unable to hide how happy he was for his friends, "If anyone objects, speak now or forever hold your peace."

No one spoke

"I understand that the grooms have prepared their own vows."

Kenny stepped forward and handed the golden band to Kyle, he slipped it on Stan's finger as he began to speak.

"Stan," He began, "I've known you so long that I can't even remember our first meeting, I do remember how we first became best friends. Back then I'd never have thought that we would here today getting married, I'd never have thought that I'd love you as much as I do today. Granted, I was three at the time, so maybe that statement was a bit stupid, but my point still stands. I love you more than anything in the world, I can't remember what it was like to not love you like I do. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I didn't decide to go along with the experiment you made up when we were thirteen, because it made us what we are today. I don't want to imagine it, because sometimes I'm scared I'll wake up and find out this whole thing has been a dream."

Stan was tearing up at Kyle's speech and he took the ring from Cartman to slip on Kyle's finger.

"Kyle," Stan smiled widely, "I had this whole speech planned out and now my mind's gone blank, as cliché as that sounds. Saying I love you would be an understatement, because I love you more than words can describe. Back when we first became best friends, I wanted to make you happy and I still do today. Whenever I've had a bad day, whether it be because of my classes, work or just bad luck. Coming home to see you makes the day great again. Waking up to see you by my side makes my morning, going to sleep next to you makes my night. I love how being away from you physically makes my chest hurt, because it's just my body telling me that I'll always be by your side. I want to show you off to the world, because being able to stand here today is an honour that meeting the president couldn't compare to. If you live to be one hundred, I want to live to one hundred minus a day, so I don't have to spend a minute without you."

Kyle wasn't as open with his emotions as Stan was, but a single tear ran down his cheek.

"Stanley Randell Marsh," Butters said, "Do you take Kyle to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do."

"Kyle Isaiah Broflovski, do you take Stanley to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do."

"By the power vested in me by God or Jehovah, whatever he shall be named, I now pronounce you man and man. You may kiss the guy!"

Stan and Kyle leaned in towards each other and met in the middle to a rousing cheer from everyone watching, their lips joining tenderly. Their tongues remained in their mouths, but their lips moved in perfect tandem. They smiled warmly at each other when they pulled apart.

"Ike!" Kyle shouted.

Ike pulled a wine glass out from under his seat and tossed it to his brother, who caught it easily and laid it on the floor. He raised his right foot and stamped on it.

"Mazel tov!" Cartman yelled.

Stan pulled his new husband into a hug and Kyle gleefully returned it.

* * *

Everyone was sitting down at the reception because they had just got there. Cartman stood and took a microphone.

"Now," He said, "I'm here as Stan's best man, but I wrote something for both of these guys because I've known them since kindergarten.

"It's common knowledge that I never really got along with these guys when I was young. So being chosen to be their best man at their wedding is an unbelievable honour. Stan and Kyle are perfect for each other, the epitome of perfect couple. Stan was always the kind-hearted one, the 'hippy pussy' as my ten-year-old self would have worded it. He was always there to pick Kyle up when he was down, to pick any of us up when we were down. When he was down it affected everyone, Kyle would go quiet, Kenny would sigh often and I would lash out at people like I used to.

"Kyle was always the one who would be level-headed until he got pissed off. He forgave me after everything I put him though. If I was ten, I would be calling him a 'money-grabbing, faggy, daywalker, snake in the grass, Jewfag' and now he's one of my best friends. He was the one who'd tell you what you needed to be told, no matter how hurtful it would be at the time, because he knew it would help you in the long run and you'd be thankful eventually.

"If you think these guys are sickeningly adorable now, I have to live with them. I wouldn't have them any other way."

Kenny stood as Cartman sat.

"I'm Kyle's best man by title alone," Kenny stated, "I may as well be Stan's too. Cartman's already said a lot of what I was going to say, so I'm going to share some memories with you.

"First of all, Kyle's kidney transplant. This happened when we were nine. Kyle's always been diabetic and his kidney began to shut down, the whole town had this stupid fascination with holistic medicine at the time when Kyle needed a kidney transplant. Stan said that he'd donate his kidney even if it hurt a whole lot. Cartman was the only blood match. Stan manipulated Cartman into giving Kyle his kidney, saving Kyle's life.

"Second, the Hare Club for Men. Stan was being hunted by catholic ninjas who wanted to take the rabbit, Snowball, and the true pope. The person he turned to for help was Kyle, who travelled to a professor's house and to Rome with him. Kyle killed Jesus to save Stan's life, even with stereotypes against him.

"The third and last one I'm going to share, is when Kyle broke his arm when we were fourteen. Stan acted like Kyle was disabled and did everything for him, to the point of annoying Kyle. Kyle never had to carry any books, Stan always skipped football practice to help Kyle out even though myself or Cartman could have done it. Maybe it was because they were already a year into their relationship at this point, but Stan gave up anything he wanted to do to help Kyle out.

"These two have always been attached at the hip, I'm sure that Wendy was the second woman when Stan had a relationship with at age ten. I can't imagine them with anyone else."

* * *

"Dude, it's time for our dance," Stan was smiling with glee.

Kyle just smiled at him as he stood and he allowed Stan to take his hand and he was lead to the dance floor, where Stan wrapped his arms around Kyle's waist as Kyle looped his around Stan's neck.

"I think you'll love the song I chose," Stan whispered, it was the big thing he wanted to contribute to the wedding.

Kyle chuckled when the music started. Daft Punk were the Jew's favourite artists, so of course Stan would choose Something About Us.

"Perfect choice," Kyle locked his eyes with Stan's.

"No it isn't!" Kenny shouted, from the crowd that had formed around them, "Because you two are the ones and it is the right time!"

"Very true," Stan agreed, as he leaned his face close to Kyle's as the song drew to a close, "I love you."

"I love you too," Kyle brought their lips together as the song ended, they seemed get a reaction from everyone whenever they kissed, but neither of them cared, they only cared about the other.

* * *

Stan woke up late the next morning to find Kyle nestled under his arm, his snores signifying that he was still asleep. They'd gotten to the hotel room they were staying in late last night and had been up for a long time after making love, they had done it so much that Stan's dick was still tingling and he could Kyle's seed still falling from his arse, he could feel his own falling from Kyle's backside and onto his thigh.

His husband shifted and nestled his face into Stan's neck.

His _husband_.

Stan would never lose the giddy feeling in his chest.


	18. Inside Info

**I don't even know what the fuck I was thinking with this one.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch**

 **They're 16 in this one.**

* * *

Inside Info

"This may sound like a weird question," Kenny said, "But can you guys remember everywhere you've fucked?"

Stan thought for a second, "We can try."

"Go on then," Cartman chuckled, "This may be interesting."

They were sitting in the back of Kenny's pickup truck playing poker.

"Yeah fellas," Butters laughed, "It could be funny."

"Stan's room," Kyle shrugged, "Obviously."

"Kyle's old room," Stan added.

"The couch at both Stan's place and my parents' place."

"Many showers."

"The school's men's bathroom."

"Basically all the teachers' desks."

"The back seat of Stan's car."

"The church."

"The synagogue."

"Kyle's mom's side of his parents' bed, that was to get back at her for kicking him out."

"Behind the bleachers at school."

"Clyde's room, that was at one of his parties."

"The water park in Denver."

"The swimming pool."

"The bank by Stark's Pond."

"The water at Stark's."

"The Tweek Bros bathroom."

"Wherever we've stayed on field trips."

"An elevator at the mall when we got stuck in between floors."

"The janitor's closet at school."

"A plane bathroom."

"You guys are members of the mile high club?" Kenny laughed.

Stan nodded as he continued listing off, "One of the screens at the cinema when we went to see what all the hype for Frozen was about."

"Stan came during Let It Go," Kyle smirked.

"Good timing there Stan," Cartman chuckled.

"A train station bathroom," Stan continued.

"The bus stop we used to stand at."

"The police station."

"The mayor's office."

"Cartman's room."

"WHAT?" Cartman yelled.

"You were drunk," Stan explained, "We thought you owed us for getting you home."

"I've fucking slept on those."

"The kitchen counter."

"The dining room table."

"Down by the fire."

"Right here."

"That's all I can remember right now," Kyle shrugged.

"You guys fucked here?" Butters asked.

"We were walking together and Kyle got horny," Stan said, "We knew Kenny wouldn't care."

"Very true," Kenny agreed.

"How and when did you guys fuck in all those places?" Cartman asked.

"Most of it was when we were fifteen," Kyle said, "We were trying to see where we could fuck without getting caught. We snuck into the mayor's office really late one night and we fucked in a police station locker room after sneaking in there."

They continued with the poker game for a while before Butters asked another question.

"How did you know that you guys actually liked each other and it wasn't an experiment?"

"I knew when Stan kissed me and he threw up all over me," Kyle chucked.

"Jesus Stan," Kenny laughed loudly, "Thank fuck you got past that. How did Kyle react?"

"He smiled and said 'thank fuck, you actually like me back'."

Stan pulled Kyle into his lap and kissed him tenderly, Kyle returned the kiss happily (so happily that he actually moaned into the kiss).

"Okay you two," Cartman groaned, "Don't cum in your pants."

Stan laughed, "Don't worry, I'll cum in his ass later."

"AY! I didn't need to know that!"

* * *

 **Stan and Kyle are horny motherfuckers.**

 **An upcoming oneshot looks like it will be incredibly long, so would you guys like me to upload it in parts or all at once?**

 **I was also thinking of the who's more likely to challenge, what would you guys think about that?**


	19. Who's Most Likely To?

**Stan's second YouTube video.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Bebe Stevens**

 **The characters are 16.**

* * *

Who's Most Likely To?

"The video on your YouTube channel was cute," Bebe said to Stan when he was having lunch under a tree in the schoolyard with Kyle.

"Thanks," Stan smiled, "It was fun."

"Have you ever heard of the 'Who's most likely to' tag?"

"Don't give him any ideas," Kyle groaned.

"Why not?"

"He was so unbelievable sappy afterwards, he literally cried when he told me loved me during the sex afterwards."

"Awww," Bebe sighed, "That's so sweet."

"At least someone appreciates it," Stan frowned.

Kyle looked at him guiltily, he reached out and clasped Stan's hand in his own, "I didn't mean it like that, I got scared that something had happened or you'd gotten hurt by something."

Stan's frown faded into a smile, "Oh Kyle."

He pulled Kyle into a kiss and continued when they pulled apart.

"I just love you so much, that's why I'm so sappy. I know you love it really."

Kyle mirrored Stan's smile, "Well… yeah."

"Can we do this tag, please?"

Kyle kissed Stan's cheek, "Alright then."

* * *

"Long time no see guys," Stan smiled after he turned the camera on.

"It's been a week," Kyle rolled his eyes.

"It was recommended to us by a friend that we do the 'Who's most likely to' tag, so I got my boyfriend to do this with me."

"More like manipulated me with how sappy you are."

"So without further ado…"

 **1\. Get fired**

"Me," Stan admitted, "Kyle's so meticulous and well-organised that it would be impossible for him to lose his job."

"Stan's a hard-worker," Kyle said, "But he leaves a lot of stuff until the last minute and ends up forgetting stuff."

 **2\. The drunkest**

"Kyle," Stan said immediately, "I don't touch alcohol anymore because of some stuff that happened once."

"I never drink unless I'm at parties," Kyle said.

"But when you are at parties, you're always drunk and you make me look after you and your hangover."

"And you're amazing for putting up with it," Kyle smiled, "I'm such a whiny bitch when I have a hangover."

"You're not that bad."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"Caught me."

 **3\. Plastic surgery**

"Kyle's actually done this once," Stan explained.

Kyle cringed, "And I'm not doing it again, so Stan."

 **4\. Win the Hunger Games**

"Kyle," Stan laughed, "He's a fucking badass. We said last time that Kyle's broken someone's nose because they insulted our friend and got into a fight, which he won, because someone tried to hit on me."

"Stan's a pussy," Kyle grinned, "He cried during a heart dissection."

"That heart belonged to a poor sheep!"

"And the sheep was either already being used for meat or it died of natural causes!"

 **5\. Not to shower for a week**

"Me," Stan smiled sheepishly, "Kyle's such a hygiene freak."

"I am not!"

"You're scared of _piss_!"

"I'm not scared of it! It's just fucking disgusting!"

"You suck my dick, piss comes out of there!"

"Not while I'm sucking it!"

 **6\. Marry for money**

"Depends which one of us has the money," Kyle shrugged.

"If Kyle's rich, which is more likely because he's Jewish, then I'd marry him because I love him but people would think I married for money. If I was rich then Kyle would marry me."

 **7\. To take charge**

"Kyle," Stan said, "Without a shadow of a doubt."

"I'm usually the one who knows what I'm doing in anything, so I take charge and help people out."

Stan smirked, "Unless it's during sex."

"Our sex contains mutual dominance!"

"Last night."

"Fuck off! The night before!"

"Okay, we can both take charge during sex," Stan conceded.

"Damn right fucker."

 **8\. Cry in public**

"Stan," Kyle laughed, "Definitely Stan. He's such a pussy it's unreal."

"I'm not a pussy!"

"Seriously though," Kyle calmed down, "Stan wears his heart on his sleeve and he's really sensitive. I like that about him though, I hate when guys act all macho."

"Kyle still cried during Lion King and Bambi," Stan said.

"If you didn't then you don't have a soul."

 **9\. Make a million dollars**

"Kyle," Stan shook his head, "He's Jewish. Next."

 **10\. Be impatient**

"Kyle," Stan said, "He prefers things that aren't sex done quickly."

"Very true," Kyle conceded, "Unless it's anything with you, I want to savour our time together."

"You fucking dork."

"You're not much better."

 **11\. Pee their pants**

"That's tough," Kyle looked to his boyfriend, "We both have pretty good bladder discipline."

"I would say you," Stan said, he hurried to finish his explanation when Kyle began to glare at him, "But only because you're diabetic."

"That's actually a fair point," Kyle admitted.

"You wouldn't do it anyway though," Stan made sure to say, "Because you're fucking awesome."

 **12\. Be sleepy**

"Also tough," Kyle frowned, "Depends on why."

"Kyle if it's the night before a test, me if it's any other time," Stan said, "We usually fall asleep at the same time though."

 **13\. Forget something important**

"Stan," Kyle laughed, "Without a doubt, this is Stan."

"Why," Stan chuckled.

"You remembered our five-month-and-two-week anniversary, but you forgot our two-year one."

"I remembered a half-hour later and you were sick in bed anyway, I came over and cuddled you all day."

"True, you haven't forgotten anything like that since."

Stan smirked, "Didn't you forget our three-year anniversary?"

"In my defence," Kyle pointed out, "I had my head smashed into the corner of a dumpster by a psycho two days prior."

"Very good point."

 **14\. Fall whilst walking**

"Kyle," Stan shrugged, "He tends to forget to tie his shoelaces, if he does fall, I normally catch him."

Kyle blushed, "Why do you think I leave them untied?"

"And _I'm_ the sappy pussy."

 **15\. Laugh at the wrong moment**

"Kyle," Stan smiled, "He can be insensitive sometimes."

"I don't try to," Kyle made sure to say, "Sometimes I misread the situation."

"Kyle's pretty dense when it comes to everyone but me."

Kyle smiled sheepishly.

"He has a pretty dark sense of humour at times."

"I'm just trying to make the best of a bad situation."

 **16\. To take care of the other person when sick**

"Stan," Kyle said without hesitance.

"Kyle's sick a lot," Stan explained, "I normally stay off school and look after him but he sometimes makes me go in to get work from his teachers because he's in AP classes."

"I don't know what I'd do without Stan," Kyle admitted, "He makes a mean chicken soup."

"Kyle's a complainer when he's sick," Stan smiled, "He normally prefers me to cuddle with him instead of running around after him."

"You're so amazing for putting up with me," Kyle kissed his boyfriend's cheek, "You never complain about me once, you're so sweet."

"Complaining about you complaining isn't going to help," Stan shrugged, "I understand why, I'd probably be the same if I was sick as often as you are."

"You're so lucky, you never catch anything off me."

"Whenever you're sick, I'll be there to catch you with my immune system of steel."

"Now shut the camera off, we have stuff to do."

"We do?" Stan asked until he saw Kyle waggling his eyebrows, "You're right I do have stuff to do, it's called you."

"The camera's still rolling," Kyle blushed.

"Oh, bye guys."

* * *

 **Remember to keep leaving requests and to leave feedback on whether I should split the long oneshot into parts.**

 **I'm going to rewrite three of these oneshots when I get the time, they're not a priority. The first is 'When Kyle Broke His Arm' because it was written soon after Dysfunctional and suffers from the same problem Dysfunctional used to. The second is 'The Divorce' and the third is 'Tied Together (Part III), these two won't be completely rewritten, I've just missed two sections out. Tied Together (Part III) could live without it and still be fine but The Divorce needs that addressing. The rewrites will be mentioned in a note at the bottom of an upcoming oneshot.**


	20. Kyle's Weakness

**Stan knows everything about Kyle.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski**

 **I think my pizza was laced with something for me to write this. Stan and Kyle are 16.**

* * *

Kyle's Weakness

"What do you get if you win?" Kyle asked as Stan booted up Mario Kart.

"You'll see," Stan smirked.

"Fine then," Kyle shook his head, "But I want a blowjob if I win."

"Okay then," Stan shrugged, he was going to get his way either way.

Stan did in fact win (fucking last-second blue shells) and he made Kyle lie back on the bed.

"What are you going to do?" Kyle asked as Stan straddled his hips and laid his hands on his sides.

Stan smirked again as he started to move his fingers.

"Oh you fucker!" Kyle shouted as he began to writhe, his glare on Stan was lost as he began to giggle.

"Maybe I will be later," Stan snickered.

"Stop it Stan!"

"Not yet."

"What will it take for you to stop?"

"I'm not going to."

Stan was doing this because he simply loved the sound of Kyle's laugh.

"Please, Stan!" Kyle's eyes were tearing up with his laughter.

"Maybe, if you let me fuck your mouth."

Kyle was going to kill him later.

* * *

 **I've added a scene in each of 'The Divorce' and 'Tied Together (Part III). I've also added a few lines to 'When Kyle Broke His Arm' it wasn't as bad as I originally thought it was.**


	21. A Mother's View

**Sharon's take on her son's relationship.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Sharon Marsh**

 **The boys are 16, I really enjoyed writing this one.**

* * *

A Mother's View

Sharon cleared her throat as she got in from work. Stan and Kyle had been laid across the couch, kissing deeply. They jolted apart, making Sharon laugh.

"Sorry to interrupt," Sharon chuckled, "But I wanted to know what you boys wanted for dinner."

"I don't really care," Stan replied.

"Neither do I," Kyle agreed.

"I'll just order pizza then," Sharon smiled, "I can't be bothered cooking."

Stan smiled as Kyle nuzzled his chest, Stan was lying across the couch and Kyle was lying on top of him.

Sharon walked into the kitchen and smiled as she picked up the phone. She was happy that her son had found someone who he loved so much and she was happy that the person loved him just as much back. She could see it in their eyes, the glances they shared when they had an idea or had a thought.

Sometimes, it seemed to her that they could seem like they had a high school crush. Lingering touches when they passed something to the other, blushes after the slightest display of affection.

But what stuck out to her them most, was that they were still best friends even with their relationship. She'd come home from work many times to see them playing video games and cursing at the other, or to see them having insult wars, seeing who could make the other unable to return the insult first, or to see them just plain wrestling, trying to make the other say uncle (despite Stan's larger size and more muscle, it was usually Kyle who won).

Sharon had always liked Kyle from when he had been Stan's best friend as kids. The boy had always been well-mannered and respectful. One was rarely seen without the other and that still held true. Sharon at least knew that Stan had made a good choice when it came to his other half.

She had laughed at how corny they were at times, like when Stan would ask Kyle out to a fancy restaurant just to impress him even though Kyle preferred a night in to just be them, or how Kyle would pick a horror film on family movie nights because he knew Stan would get scared and cuddle up to him. She had chuckled when Stan had stolen Kyle's hat just because he loved his hair, or when she found out that Kyle's favourite hoodie to wear was actually Stan's and how Stan had to get a new jersey for the high school American football team because Kyle used the first one as a pyjama top, she knew that Stan didn't care, the possessive side of him loved the 'MARSH' that was printed on the back when it was on Kyle, showing that the Jew was his.

She couldn't stand the time they had gotten into an argument and refused to speak to each other for a week. Kyle had slept on the couch for that week (the bags under his eyes showed that he hadn't slept, he'd just laid there for the night) and Stan had been glum for the week. The tension at the dinner table had been so thick that it could be cut with a knife. Stan and Kyle would glare at each other from opposite sides, but Sharon could see something in the anger that ignited their eyes, she could see longing in their gaze, they just wanted to apologise to each other and go back to normal, but neither wanted to lose the argument.

She had come home from work at the end of the week to see them kissing deeply and passionately, tears streaming down their faces, constantly whispering ' _I'm sorry_ ' or ' _I love you_ ' whenever their lips parted. They looked like the other was a drug and they were just getting their fix after trying to stay away. It was obvious where their kissing ended up leading to, but they had never looked happier after coming back down.

She walked back into the living room, where they were just lying in comfortable silence.

"Pizza's on the way," She said as she sank into the armchair.

They didn't move or respond, she wondered whether they had even listened.


	22. Never Un-see It

**Kenny shows Stan, Kyle and Cartman an infamously disgusting video.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick**

 **I'm suffering some writer's block for everything right now, but here's a little something. The boys are 13 and this takes place before Stan and Kyle come out to anybody.**

* * *

Never Un-see It

"What do you want to show us Kenny?" Cartman frowned.

"You'll love this," Kenny chuckled as he typed in a google search on Stan's laptop.

Stan was leaning forward in his spot on his bed, Kyle was sitting next to him. Cartman had noted that they seemed to be sitting closer than usual.

Kenny loaded a video on the computer, it was two girls kissing.

"You want to show us porn?" Kyle frowned, "Fucking gay dude."

"Watch," Kenny snickered.

"DUDE!" Cartman yelled after letting the video play a bit more.

"THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING!" Kyle cringed.

Stan stayed silent, but he was looking more than a bit green.

Kenny laughed loudly.

"This is worse than bananas," Kyle tried to tear his face away from the screen, it was so disgusting that he couldn't, "Or pee."

As the video continued, Stan's frozen shock evaporated and he rushed to the bin in his room to puke.

"What the fuck are you showing us?" He asked after he finished.

"Two Girls, One Cup."

The three of them couldn't eat chocolate ice-cream for a month.


	23. Going to College

**The boys leave to go to college.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Sharon Marsh, Randy Marsh, Sheila Broflovski**

 **The boys are 18.**

* * *

Going to College

"You lied to me Kyle."

Kyle looked over to his boyfriend who was holding a letter.

"What do you mean?" The Jew asked.

"You told me that you got rejected by Yale."

Kyle's back shot to a straight position from bending over a box.

"You never told me that you got accepted and turned them down."

"I…"

"This was such an amazing opportunity for you and you turned it down to come with us to Fort Collins?"

"I didn't want to be alone," Kyle's voice was soft.

"You'd make new friends," Stan shrugged, "Wendy's going to Yale."

"But you wouldn't be there, I'm alone when I'm with anyone if you're not there. It hurts my chest to be away from you."

Stan's face softened, "Kyle…"

"I know, most people would have jumped at the chance to go to Yale. I want to go with you guys because it'll be more fun overall. I'm going to be there for a few years, I should spend them with people I like, or in your case, love."

Stan threw the letter away, "Why did you tell us you got rejected?"

"Because it'd be all I heard from anyone, ' _Why did you turn down Yale?'_ I'd get pissed off! Besides, we've been planning this for a year."

"It's too late to change anyway, we leave tomorrow."

Kyle smiled as he felt Stan's arms wrap around his waist from behind.

"It actually hurts you to be away from me?"

Kyle chuckled, "Yes, I physically need you in my life."

"I won't ever bring this Yale stuff up again okay? I just want to be happy with you."

"Thank fuck."

* * *

"I'm going to miss you so much," Sharon said as she hugged her son.

"I'll miss you too," Stan smiled as he looked over his mother's shoulder to see Sheila being way too over the top with his Jewish boyfriend.

"Oh bubbelah!" She was saying as she covered Kyle's faces with kisses, "I can't believe how much you've grown!"

"I take it you don't want me doing that," Sharon laughed.

"It would be preferred," Stan grinned.

Randy walked over to clap Stan on the shoulder, "Make sure you that you make the most of it. College life is awesome."

" _Alright ma, calm down!_ "

"Just make sure you wake up for morning classes," Sharon said.

"Kyle usually wakes me up anyway."

"If I can sleep late I will!" Kyle shouted from where he was getting smothered by his family.

"We'd better be going if we want to claim the bigger room from Cartman and Kenny!" Stan shouted back.

"You know what the first thing we're doing when we get there is?" Stan smirked as they were driving down. Cartman and Kenny both had their own cars and would be making their own way there.

Kyle shrugged.

"Christening that bed."

Kyle laughed, "So we're going to be _that_ couple?"

Stan nodded, "Everyone in that apartment building will know how much you love my cock."

Kyle smiled longingly, "Don't make me jump you now if you want to christen the bed and get there before Cartman and Kenny."

"I think it would be a worthy sacrifice."

"Well tough, I'm saying fuck off."

* * *

They had got there first and upon stepping into their home for the next three years, they went straight to the master bedroom and proceeded to fuck so that Cartman and Kenny wouldn't want the bed.

They were unpacking when Kenny arrived.

"Awww," Kenny groaned upon seeing them, "I wanted that bed."

"Remind us to wash the sheets tomorrow," Stan snickered as he pulled a pile of T-shirts from a box, he checked through them and smiled when he saw that Kyle's had been mixed with his.

"Already?"

Stan nodded.

"You guys work fast."

At this point, Kyle emerged from the kitchen.

"I put the post-its on the… hey Kenny."

Kenny waved at his friend, "What are the post-its for?"

"Kyle thought of the system yesterday," Stan said.

"There are four piles," Kyle explained, "One blue, one green, one red and one orange. Each colour corresponds to one of us, I don't think I need to tell you which ones. Whenever we buy food, if it's something we bought for ourselves, we stick a post-it note on it and that means that no one else can have any."

"Not bad," Kenny nodded, "We'll have to go and buy stuff later."

"Yeah," Kyle shrugged, "We've got fuck all."

* * *

Cartman got there half-an-hour later.

"I'm assuming that the big room's gone," He groaned.

"Stan and Kyle have already fucked in there," Kenny nodded.

"Seriously?"

"Kept you guys off it," Stan shrugged.

"Not my fault," Kyle folded his arms, "Stan can be very persuasive."

"Get unpacked," Kenny said, "We need to go out and buy food."

"Kyle has a good grocery system," Stan smiled, looking very proud of his boyfriend.

Kyle explained the system while Cartman unpacked and soon they had all piled into Stan's Volkswagen Golf to go to the store.

* * *

They settled into routine quickly. Stan, Kyle and Cartman all had classes and schoolwork to do whilst Kenny had a job. They still made time for themselves and video games as well as making sure to keep on top of work.

"Some of the new college students are hosting a party and asking everyone to come and bring as many people as you can," Cartman said when he got back one afternoon.

"When?" Stan asked.

"Tomorrow."

"Kyle and I were going to have a night in."

"It's Saturday," Kenny said.

"I know," Stan nodded.

"You guys would all be out," Kyle shrugged, "We could just cuddle on the couch and watch Netflix or something."

"You have to come for a little bit," Kenny frowned, "You can't be _those_ guys."

"We can stop by for a little bit," Stan sighed, "Like ten minutes and then we can have our evening."

* * *

Because they weren't staying, neither Stan nor Kyle made much of an effort to impress any other people. They stayed for the promised ten minutes and talked to a few people before walking back home.

"I can't wait until we get back," Stan smiled.

Kyle shivered because of the chill in the air, "Me neither, it's been a while since we did something like this."

Stan shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around Kyle's shoulders.

"I'm not a woman," Kyle laughed.

"No, but you are cold," Stan replied.

"What about you?"

"I'm not the one with a weak immune system."

* * *

They grabbed the covers off their bed and changed into their regular sleepwear before curling up on the couch and selecting a movie on Netflix.

"Remember when we went to see Frozen?" Stan chuckled.

"You mean when we fucked in the theatre?"

Stan nodded.

Kyle laughed, "I remember you having the most perfectly timed orgasm, you came during Let It Go."

Stan nuzzled Kyle's cheek, "I'm so happy right now. It's unbelievable."

"I'm at my happiest with you," Kyle said.

Stan pulled his boyfriend into a kiss which Kyle deepened. After a long period of kissing, Stan lifted Kyle, who was tangled in the covers and carried him to the bedroom, making sure to lock the door behind him.

* * *

Kyle was the first awake and he heard his stomach growl. Although he'd much prefer to stay curled up with his boyfriend, he got up and pulled on the clothes that Stan had pulled off him the night before. He yawned as he walked through to the kitchen and instantly froze.

There were two girls at the kitchen table.

He blinked at them as he wondered briefly how he must look to them with his boyfriend's high school American football shirt that was much too big for him, a few stray curls poking out from underneath his ushanka and his very obvious morning wood.

"Hiya," One of the girls greeted jovially through a mouthful of cereal.

"Hey," Kyle waved awkwardly.

"We came back with Kenny," The other explained, Kyle noted that they looked incredibly similar.

"Right."

"He said we could have anything that had an orange post-it on it."

"Okay."

Kyle made himself a Pop-Tart (chocolate flavoured) and went to sit in the living room. Stan came in a little while later.

"Why are there girls in the kitchen?" Stan asked as he took a seat next to Kyle.

"Kenny."

Stan nodded, that explained everything.

* * *

The girls left before Kenny or Cartman woke up and Kyle ended up sharing his Pop-Tart with Stan.

Kenny came out in only a pair of boxers.

"Two girls?" Stan raised an eyebrow, Kyle was curled into his chest.

"Twins," Kenny nodded.

Kyle cringed at the thought of twins taking part in sexual activities together.

"Ewww," Cartman frowned as he emerged from his bedroom, he was the only who dressed in something other than sleepwear.

"I have abilities," Kenny shrugged.

Stan laughed, he wasn't expecting Kenny to be too bothered. He was already having a blast living with his best friends, and there were at least three years left to come.

* * *

 **I'm still having some trouble with writer's block. I know where I want to go with everything, I just don't know how to get there. Expect some more oneshots for a while then.**


	24. Why Craig Wasn't in Functional

**Title says it all.**

* * *

 **Characters: Craig Tucker**

 **Craig is 19. I think this is the first oneshot that doesn't have Stan or Kyle in it.**

* * *

Why Craig Wasn't in Functional

Craig's feet moved wearily.

He was alone.

He'd stayed in South Park when everyone else had left.

Clyde had gone to Wyoming.

Token had gone to California.

Tweek had gone to work in the coffee industry.

Then again, Tweek was the only he'd spoken to since they were sixteen and before he left a year ago.

Clyde used to be Craig's best friend, he had been since kindergarten.

He said that Craig was to blame for them drifting apart. Token had gone with him a short while after, leaving Craig and Tweek.

Tweek had promised to keep in touch.

Craig's response was ' _Don't bother_ '.

Now he had a dead-end job, was an addict to quite a few drugs including cocaine, weed and heroine and an alcoholic.

The only people who'd stayed in South Park were Butters Stotch and Red. People who Craig hated.

Butters was a member of the fag brigade (guess who that was) and had stayed because his mother was ill. Red had stayed because she hadn't got the best results at school (she still fucked college students though).

Craig kept walking.

His nose was bleeding.

His head was spinning.

And he was falling.

* * *

 **There's going to be some lemons coming up soon, they might not be straight away but they will be soon. I wrote this one to experiment a bit with my writing style and work with something darker.**


	25. When You Disagree With Kyle

**Kyle can be very persuasive.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Ethan Marsh (son of** **Stanley Marsh and Kyle Broflovski)**

 **Stan and Kyle are 35, Ethan is 9. Kyle's surname is Marsh by now.**

* * *

When You Disagree With Kyle

"Sorry it took me so long to get here," Kyle said as he took a seat in the elementary school principal's office. Stan was already there and Ethan was staring down at his feet.

"Shall we get down to it?" The principal asked, he was a fat, balding man with glasses.

"Well I would like to know why I've been dragged out of work."

Ethan slid further down his chair.

"Your son was caught punching another child."

Kyle let out a loud breath through his nostrils, "You're kidding me."

Stan reached over and laid his hand on Kyle's shoulder, "Maybe he had a reason for it, Ethan's not the type to just go around punching people for the sake of it."

Kyle calmed slightly, Stan was right.

"Zeke was calling Jake a fagling," Ethan looked up at Kyle pleadingly, knowing that he was the one who would punish him, "I couldn't just let him do that."

Zeke was the class bully and Ethan hated him.

"What did Zeke get as punishment?" Stan asked, "You've given Ethan two weeks' worth of detentions."

"Zeke apologised and he will be having detention tomorrow."

Stan noticed as Kyle's eyes flashed.

"One detention?" The Jew growled, "That's it?"

The principal nodded.

"Stanley," Kyle turned to his husband, "Will you take Ethan outside for a moment?"

Stan smiled and nodded.

"Why are we coming outside?" Ethan asked.

Stan chuckled, "To watch the fireworks."

Kyle turned back to the principal and stood.

"YOU'RE GIVING A CHILD THAT MAKES FUN OF ANOTHER CHILD'S BACKGROUND ONE DAY OF DETENTION, EVEN THOUGH THE OTHER CHILD CANNOT CHANGE WHERE THEY CAME FROM OR HOW THEY WERE RAISED?" Kyle bellowed, the word used against Jake had snapped his last nerve and the principal was going to receive the full anger of Sheila Broflovski's son, "WHAT KIND OF IMAGE DOES THAT GIVE TO PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL? IF A CHILD WAS TO BE RACIST, I'M ASSUMING THEY'D GET A MUCH MORE SEVERE PUNISHMENT. CALLING A CHILD A 'FAGLING' BECAUSE THEY HAD TWO DADS IS DISGUSTING AND OUT OF THE CHILD'S CONTROL! ARE YOU SAYING THAT CALLING A CHILD SUCH A THING IS MINOR?"

"No, of course not," The principal floundered, "I assure you that it won't happen again."

"I DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU! THE CHILD IS GIVEN THE IMPRESSION THAT IT'S AS BAD AS DISOBEYING A TEACHER WHEN IT'S WORSE!"

"Okay, okay, please invite your husband and son in and we can amend this."

Kyle fetched Stan and Ethan. Both of them noticed his red face and heavy breathing.

"Alright," The principal said after everyone was seated again, he saw that he was under a watchful glare, "How about one week's detention for each of the two boys, because while Zeke said a horrible thing, violence will not be tolerated?"

"I think that's acceptable," Kyle nodded, his voice slightly croaky.

"Good," The principal slapped on a fake smile, "Glad to see the issue's resolved, you may go now."

"We heard you from outside," Ethan told his dad when they got outside.

Kyle shrugged, "I'm proud of you for defending your brother, but try not to so handy next time."

"That's why you're the one who speaks to customer service," Stan laughed.

* * *

 **The next oneshot will have a lemon in it. There will be a trilogy for Halloween that will end in a lemon too.**


	26. Stan's 16th Birthday

**It's a special day in South Park.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, Sharon Marsh**

 **Butters and Stan are 16 the other three are 15. It's the 19th where I am at the time of uploading this, but due to time zones it might not be where you are. There's a lemon at the end.**

* * *

Stan's 16th Birthday

"Thanks for coming with me Ken," Kyle said with a deep blush.

"Don't mention it," Kenny replied, "You need my expert advice."

They were in a sex shop. Stan's birthday was the day after and Kyle was having trouble thinking of a present, Kenny had suggested something to do with sex and Kyle had said he'd think about it. Now that he was one day away and still undecided, he had asked Kenny to help him out. It was awkward having people look at them like they were a couple.

"He'll like this," Kenny grinned, holding up an item.

Kyle took the item, looking uncertain, "You sure?"

Kenny nodded.

Kyle sighed, "Okay then."

* * *

They left the shop straight after buying the item.

"He might like some video games," Kenny said.

"Why didn't I think of that before?" Kyle shivered as he face-palmed, the cold October air biting into his skin.

* * *

Stan was woken early by his own excitement, Kyle was still snoring beside him. Stan still had trouble believing that his boyfriend lived with him, it had been two months since he was forced to move in.

Stan got out of bed, leaving Kyle to snooze. He pulled on some pants before going downstairs, where his mother was cooking him breakfast.

"Happy Birthday Stanley," She smiled as he took a seat at the table, "Where's Kyle?"

"Asleep," Stan replied, "I thought I'd leave him for a bit."

"I can't believe you're sixteen," Sharon shook her head, "I still remember you as the baby who threw up over Sheila."

"She deserves it now," Stan frowned.

"Let's not get into that," Sharon sighed, Sheila was a very good friend of hers and she'd never expected this to happen.

"I agree," Stan said, "What're you cooking?"

"Pancakes," Sharon's lips curled back into a smile, "Like you always want on your birthday."

Stan laughed, "I'm not changing this year."

"Not changing what?"

Kyle walked into the kitchen with a yawn, his ushanka sitting lopsided on his head, looking like his Jew-fro had escaped.

"Pancakes for breakfast on my birthday," Stan answered as he pulled his half-asleep boyfriend into a hug.

"Happy Birthday dude," Kyle mumbled into his chest.

Stan pressed a kiss to Kyle's cheek, "You can go back to sleep if you want."

Kyle shook his head, "I'll be fine."

"What time are the guys coming over?" Sharon asked.

"About one," Kyle replied, "They'll be leaving at eight."

"I'm staying at a motel tonight, Kenny warned me."

Stan and Kyle both blushed and tried to stutter out responses.

"Just make sure that you change the sheets."

Sharon set some pancakes in front of Stan and walked out of the kitchen without another word.

"I don't quite know what to say to that," Kyle said.

"She didn't really seem bothered that her son's getting laid tonight," Stan added.

"Well you are turning sixteen."

"And it won't be legal for at least another year."

Kyle got up and went upstairs, coming down with a present that was wrapped shoddily.

"I'm sorry that it's wrapped kind of crappily," Kyle shrugged, "I've never been good at that kind of thing."

Stan laughed, "Whatever dude."

He unwrapped the present to reveal a Wii U game and a PS4 game.

"Sweet," He smiled, "Thanks dude."

Kyle leaned over to whisper in his ear, "You'll get the rest later."

Stan smirked, "I'm looking forward to it."

* * *

Kenny, Cartman and Butters all arrived at the same time and they were the only ones that were coming over. Stan didn't want a huge party, he preferred to just have a small celebration.

"What are we actually going to do?" Cartman asked after a few hours of video gaming, "It's your birthday and we've done fuck all!"

"That's why I brought these," Kenny smirked, pulling a bottle of tomato ketchup and a pack of condoms from the bag he used to carry Stan's present (a T-shirt that said 'I'm friends with White Trash!'), "Just like old times."

"We haven't done that since we were thirteen," Kyle chuckled.

Stan was already standing, "Let's go, I'm bored anyway."

* * *

They walked to a footpath that went over a road, the traffic passing underneath.

"Who's going first?" Butters asked.

"The Birthday Boy," Kenny smiled, filling a condom with ketchup and handing it to Stan, who tied a knot in the top.

"I am the best at tying condoms," Stan chuckled.

"Well," Cartman laughed, "You have had lots of practice, what with Kyle moving in and all."

"I don't think we've ever used a condom," Kyle said thoughtfully, "Have we?"

Stan shook his head, "Never."

"But AIDS," Cartman frowned, "And cum in your ass."

"We've only ever been with each other and neither of us have diseases," Kyle explained, "If one of us had been sleeping around, it would make catching a disease more likely, but we don't have to worry about that."

Stan threw the first condom and they heard a large splat.

"You just hit a convertible!" Cartman laughed.

"I was aiming for it," Stan grinned, "Your turn Butters."

"I can't," Butters knocked his knuckles together nervously, "I'll get grounded."

"Who's going to find out dumbass?" Cartman frowned.

Kenny filled a condom with ketchup and gave it to Stan to tie. Stan held it out for Butters.

"Do it," He smiled.

Butters closed his eyes and hurled it, cringing when he heard the splat.

"Shit," Kyle's eyes widened, "Run!"

"Why?" Kenny asked as Kyle backed away from the wall.

"The car Butters hit," Kyle explained, "It was his Dad's."

* * *

The five of them sprinted back to Stan's, when they got there, they saw that it was half-past seven.

"I've gotta go get ready for later," Kyle said, "I'll be upstairs."

Kenny smirked as Kyle went upstairs, "We'd best be off then. Wait for Kyle, you'll absolutely love it."

Stan nodded and plonked down on the couch. He was sitting there for fifteen minutes until he heard the footsteps coming down the stairs. He looked up and instantly, his jeans tented.

Kyle was blushing, looking quite embarrassed and for good reason.

He was wearing a maid's outfit.

"Dude…" Stan smiled.

"Anything you want," Kyle mumbled, "I'll get it for you."

"You went out and got this for my birthday?"

Kyle nodded, "You like it?"

Stan wrapped his arms around Kyle's waist and pulled him close, "It looks fucking beautiful on you."

Stan slid his hands up Kyle's legs and up to his boxers, sliding them off and throwing them across the room.

"Go and pick them up and take them upstairs," Stan instructed, "Wait for me up there."

Kyle walked over to his underpants and bent down to pick them up, giving Stan a perfect view of his backside, before he turned to walk upstairs.

* * *

Stan quickly had a drink of water before following his boyfriend upstairs. Kyle was sprawled across the bed, his outfit covering any areas that Stan wanted to see.

"Stand," Stan said, Kyle obeyed.

"Strip," Stan ordered as he lay back on his bed.

Kyle stripped out of his outfit and dropped it to the floor.

"Come over here," Stan smirked, "And suck my cock."

Kyle climbed onto the bed and up to Stan's waistband. He freed Stan's dick from its confines and licked it from the base to the tip before enveloping the tip with his mouth. His mouth slid down until the head hit the back of his throat, he moved his lips back up and kept his lips around the head of Stan's dick as he began to bob his head.

"You're so good at that Kyle," Stan breathed.

Kyle hummed, making his lips vibrate around the dick in his mouth.

Stan pulled Kyle's head back up off his cock and rooted in the drawer of his bedside cabinet for the lube, which he threw to Kyle.

"Prep yourself," Stan said as he dragged Kyle to lie back on the pillows, "I want a show."

Kyle squirted some lube onto his fingers before reaching down, past his balls and hardened cock, to his entrance, rubbing it gently as Stan removed the rest of his own clothes.

Stan hummed appreciatively as Kyle began to push his fingers in and spread them to open himself for Stan's cock. He straddled the Jew as he began to fuck himself on his fingers.

"I think that's enough," Stan growled into Kyle's ear, "Cover me in lube so I can give you the night of your life."

Kyle whined with need as he squirted more lube into his hand before stroking Stan's cock, covering him in the substance.

As soon as Stan was satisfied with his covering, he sank into his boyfriend, bringing a groan from both of them.

Stan pulled Kyle into a deep kiss as he pulled half of his length back out before pushing back in, searching for the spot that made Kyle unravel like a crappy slinky. He knew where it was from experience and he found it quickly, making Kyle moan into the kiss.

"Don't hold back," Stan whispered as he moved his lips to Kyle's neck, "I want to hear what I do to you."

Stan's mouth latched onto Kyle's neck and he began to suck, occasionally grazing the skin with his teeth. Without Stan's lips to muffle the redhead, his moans of pure pleasure reverberated through the bedroom. Kyle wrapped his legs around Stan's waist to pull him in deeper.

"Fuck, Stan! Right there!" Kyle yelled out as Stan thrust quickly against his prostate.

"You're so tight," Stan had left hickeys all over Kyle's neck and chest, he grabbed the lube and squirted some into his palm before grabbing Kyle's dick and giving it a few quick strokes before timing the strokes to his thrusts.

"Oh Stan!" Kyle lost most of his speech, only having the ability to moan his boyfriend's name.

"You close?"

Kyle nodded.

"Cum for me Kyle," Stan breathed as he pulled the Jew into another kiss, "Do it."

Kyle's body decided to do just that, his cock released into Stan's hand, splattering their stomach as he moaned loudly into the kiss. The muscles in his arse constricted with his orgasm and it forced Stan over the edge, causing him to release inside Kyle.

They kissed deeply as they came down from their highs. Stan always kept a box of Kleenex on his bedside table for this very reason and he cleaned them both whilst Kyle was still hazy.

"How was your birthday?" Kyle asked as they cuddled in the afterglow.

"The best," Stan smiled, kissed behind Kyle's ear, "That maid outfit, Jesus. You looked so hot."

"Don't get used to it," Kyle chuckled, "I hate that thing."

"And you still wore it for me."

"I couldn't decide on a present," Kyle locked eyes with Stan, "I thought I'd do something different."

Stan kissed him again, "My favourite part of today though, is right now."

"Really?" Kyle raised an eyebrow, "Not the incredible sex we just had?"

"It comes close," Stan conceded, "But cuddling with you gives me a rush too, I love you so much."

"I love you too," Kyle smiled as Stan tightened his grip slightly.

Stan didn't reply he just nuzzled Kyle's cheek.

"Happy Birthday Stan."

* * *

 **I have a short trilogy about fear that's been completed and I'll start work on the Halloween trilogy now.**


	27. Fear

**Stan's fear.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski**

 **Characters are 16. It's still Stan's birthday, so here's some more Stanley. This is part of a mini trilogy, next will be Kyle, see if you can guess who's third.**

* * *

Fear

"No Stan," Kyle shook his head, "I'm not doing this anymore."

"What are you talking about Kyle?" Stan asked worriedly.

"This," Kyle gestured between them.

They were standing at the top of a tower, the wind was strong.

"What do you mean?"

"Us," Kyle's voice was monotone, "I'm not doing it anymore."

Kyle let himself fall from the tower.

"No! No!"

* * *

"KYLE!"

Stan jolted into a sitting position, Kyle was laying against him and the speed of the movement pushed him off the bed.

Kyle hauled himself up and got back on the bed, he saw his boyfriend breathing heavily and broken out in a cold sweat.

"Stan?" He said tentatively.

Stan whirled around to see Kyle looking at him with concern and he pulled the Jew into a tight hug.

"You're here," Stan whispered as he covered Kyle's face with kisses, "Thank fuck you're still here. I love you so much."

"I love you too Stan," Kyle gave him a small smile, "What's going on? I'd never dream of leaving you."

"It was just a dream," Stan explained quietly, "I dreamt that you left me and fell off a tower and I got so scared."

Kyle was mildly worried by this.

"You're here and… oh Kyle."

Kyle held Stan's face in his hands and touched the tips of their noses together, "Stan, I'm never _ever_ going to leave you, I love you more than anything. I need you in my life, I'm incomplete without you."

Stan sobbed into Kyle's shoulder, "I love you so much, I know you won't leave me, the dream just terrified me."

"It's okay," Kyle held Stan close, "It's okay dude."

"I'm sorry I woke you, I know you have a test tomorrow."

Kyle chuckled, "It's okay, you had a nightmare that legitimately shook you. I'm not going to get pissed off at you, you can't control it."

Stan lay back down and pulled Kyle close to him, "You're amazing."

Kyle smiled at him and kissed Stan gently, "You're amazing too, now let's get some sleep."

Stan pulled his boyfriend close, he had nothing worry about. The dream was exactly that, a dream, non-existent, untrue.


	28. Fear (Part II)

**Kyle's fear.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski**

 **Characters are 15 or 16, I should mention that the Fear trilogy, isn't directly related to Stan, I just uploaded the first one on Stan's birthday because it was about Stan.**

 **In response to SASTF141's review on this chapter: Kyle got this fear because of the HumancentiPad.**

* * *

Fear (Part II)

"I wanna try something," Stan murmured against Kyle's lips as he released his cock.

"What?"

"I want to lick you."

"That's call a blowjob," Kyle deadpanned.

"Lower."

"I thought you were supposed to suck balls, not lick them."

"Lower."

"Dude!" Kyle yelled, bolting into a sitting position and pushing Stan off, "That's disgusting!"

"You clean thoroughly back there," Stan shrugged, "I just thought we could try it, if you don't like it I'll stop."

Kyle worried his bottom lip between his teeth, "Fine. But you stop immediately when I say the word."

"Of course," Stan said softly, "Of course I will."

Stan descended down his boyfriend's body, pressing soft kisses to his torso on the way down. He could see Kyle's hole flexing in trepidation, he rubbed Kyle's hip bone gently.

"It'll be fine," Stan smiled up at Kyle, "It's just an experiment."

Kyle nodded and tensed as he felt Stan's tongue make contact.

And it came to him.

Stan's wasn't the first mouth there…

Oh God…

Oh fuck!

Stan looked up to see Kyle's reaction and he saw tears coming from the Jew's eyes. He immediately stopped and moved back towards him in bewilderment.

"Kyle?" Stan's was clearly carrying a note of concern, "What's wrong?"

"Apple," Kyle sobbed weakly.

Immediately Stan understood and he went to his tried and true method of comforting his boyfriend, kissing him. He was momentarily stunned when Kyle thrust his hand out and stopped him from doing so.

"I'm not kissing you until you brush your teeth."

Stan got up and pulled on some boxers before going to brush his teeth, when he returned, Kyle had calmed down, his sobs now only sniffles. He accepted Stan's offer for a kiss now.

"I'm sorry," Kyle said softly as Stan cuddled him close.

"No, it's okay," Stan smiled at him to show that there were no hard feelings.

"It just came rushing back and I just… got scared."

"It's okay," Stan repeated, "I won't do that again."

Kyle buried his face into Stan's neck, "I'm lucky that this happened with you and no one else, you're the only one who'd understand."

"Not like it would happen with anyone else," Stan said.

"Never," Kyle agreed, "I'm all yours."


	29. Fear (Part III)

**Ike's Fear.**

* * *

 **Characters: Kyle Broflovski, Ike Broflovski**

 **Kyle is 16 and Ike is 10. Kyle's fear in the last chapter comes from the events during the season 16 episode 'The HumancentiPad' where he's in the middle of a three-person human-centipede. I guess it's more PTSD than a fear but it seemed to cause confusion.**

* * *

Fear (Part III)

Ike's eyes shot open at the rumble that passed through the sky, he flinched as the bright flash hurt his eyes.

He hated storms, they scared him, even at ten years old.

It had been raining heavily since Kyle had brought him back to Stan's for their day together, Sheila had told him to stay over because she didn't want him going out in the rain (even though he lived next door).

Ike sat up and turned his legs so they were off the couch and stood, he was debating whether or not to do this, Kyle had most likely been having sex with his boyfriend and as such, was sweaty and nude. The Canadian decided to chance it, Kyle had always been with him during storms, whether that be a voice through a phone, a face on a screen or right there beside him.

He tried the door when he got there and found it was unlocked, there was no smell of any nightly activities.

Kyle was a light sleeper and he heard that the door was opening, waking him up.

"Ike?" He asked sleepily, "That you?"

"Did you two... do it?"

"No why?"

"I'm scared," Ike admitted embarrassedly.

Kyle held the covers up so Ike could climb in and snuggle into his chest.

"Will Stan be annoyed?" Ike asked as he clutched to Kyle's shirt.

"No," Kyle replied, clearly still half-asleep, "If he is then I'll sort him out."

"How?"

"I won't let him have sex with me."

"Ew."

Kyle chuckled, "You asked."

"I miss this," Ike said sadly.

Kyle sighed, "It's too late for this conversation Ike."

"Sorry."

"Just drop it," Kyle instructed, "I wanna go back to sleep."

Ike did as he was told, "Night then."

"G'night Ike."


	30. More Cuddles

**Stan and Kyle being fluffy again.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski**

 **They're 23, Kyle's surname is Marsh in this. There won't be a 'Cuddles' miniseries, it's just an excuse to be sappy. The next one shots will be uploaded around Halloween and this is just something to keep you guys going because I'm going away for a few days.**

* * *

More Cuddles

Stan wrapped his arms tighter around his husband and kissed his forehead, he was content. Kyle was in his lap, his face nestled in Stan's neck.

It was a Saturday evening, around seven o'clock and the two of them were on the couch with a shitty film on the TV and an empty pizza box on the table.

Kyle had been working hard for medical school all week, writing essays, doing projects, studying and now he'd burned out completely and fallen asleep. He was usually a light sleeper, but now he had fallen into an exhausted sleep that he wouldn't be woken from even if their flat exploded. Stan had woken up at 3:30 one morning to go for a piss and had found Kyle still hunched over a computer screen, the same position he'd been in when Stan had gone to bed at 10:30. Stan had persuaded him to come to bed, he had a class at 7:30. He hadn't taken much persuading and had fallen asleep quickly.

It was the same story every day. Stan would wake up, Kyle was at class or doing homework. Stan got home from work, Kyle was at class or doing homework. Stan went to bed, Kyle was at class or doing homework. Stan made dinner, Kyle was at class or doing homework. It drove him nuts and tore him apart, Kyle was suffering for that institution. Admittedly, Kyle had been trying to work ahead as much as he could because he had no idea how much work he was going to get set in the next week, some of his projects weren't due in until the next week.

Kyle shifted slightly, giving Stan a nuzzle as he was slept.

Stan's smile was bittersweet, he loved spending time with him like this, and Kyle looked adorable when he slept (in Stan's opinion), but they should be ripping on this film together, they should be making love into the morning and that wasn't going to happen. Stan wanted his husband to be okay and he needed sleep.

Kyle had mentioned that he needed to make a work schedule and Stan had mostly nodded and hummed in agreement.

Right now, he couldn't agree more.

Stan wanted nothing more than to talk about nothing with his husband like they did often, or hear Kyle vent about his frustrations with school instead of his snoring (which was really loud by the way).

Stan understood that Kyle needed to work hard so that he could become a doctor, but this was too much. Stan and Kyle were married and had just passed their third anniversary, but they were forced to spend too much time apart for a couple who sometimes still got somersaults in their stomach when the other complimented them and could consider everyday a good day because they'd been able to see the other.

Kyle shifted again slightly and Stan could see a small wet drop on his nose before realising it was his own tear. Stan had a tendency to get too emotional and his worry for Kyle had bubbled over. He took a deep breath to compose himself and wiped Kyle's nose.

"Are you okay dude?"

Stan jolted at the sound of Kyle's voice, he looked down and saw Kyle's forest-green eyes gazing up at him.

"I'm okay," Stan replied at him.

"There's a tear track," Kyle traced it with his finger, "What's wrong?"

"I'm worried about you," Stan admitted, "You've been working so hard and you've looked so exhausted, you still do. I just want you to be okay, I love you more than anything."

Kyle kissed him tenderly and smiled at him. "I'll be okay, I don't need to work on anything tomorrow, I'll be all yours."

"Well then I won't let you out of bed."

"Don't do that," Kyle laughed and then yawned.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?"

"No," Kyle shrugged, "But I need to, I'm so fucking tired. But you don't want me to sleep, I can tell."

"I just want you to be okay. If you need to sleep then sleep, my stuff can wait."

"But your stuff is my favourite stuff to do," Kyle frowned.

"I need you to be okay Kyle…"

"You keep saying."

"…because we're a team and when you don't work properly, I don't work properly because you're my better half."

"Stan," Kyle smiled and he kissed his husband, "You're the kindest human being alive and I'm the luckiest human being alive because I have you."

"Kyle…"

"I know that you're going to say that you're the luckiest human being in the world because you have me, but let me have this one."

Stan laughed, "Okay then."

Kyle smiled and settled back in his previous position, ten minutes later and he was asleep again.

Obviously Stan would prefer to keep talking, or go into the bedroom. But any time spent with Kyle was time well spent.


	31. Cartman's Defence

**When someone makes fun of Cartman's friends.**

* * *

 **Characters: Eric Cartman**

 **Cartman's 18-20 in this one. This will probably be the last one for a few days because I'm going away for a bit.**

* * *

Cartman's Defence

Cartman wiped down the glass and he whistled as he did so. He was lucky that his boss was fairly relaxed because he worked as a bartender, even though he was younger than twenty-one.

"Hey Eric."

"Hey Steve," Cartman replied, Steve was someone who he'd met in college, "Can I get you something?"

"Just a beer. I need to wash the taste of vomit from my mouth."

"Why?" Cartman said as he grabbed another glass to fill.

Steve took a seat at the bar, "Just saw something disgusting on the way down."

"What was it?"

"Two men kissing."

Cartman frowned, "It's not disgusting."

"Why not? You a fag?"

"No," Cartman said calmly, "But two of my best friends are. I live with them."

"That's so unlucky."

"Not really, better them than some bitch on her period."

"I'd prefer the bitch."

"I don't get what the issue is."

"It's wrong and unnatural!"

"It's people like you that stop the world from progressing," Cartman said as he slipped the glass of beer in front of Steve, "They're a great couple and I hope they stay together. They're a more natural couple than I see with most straight people."

"I doubt that."

"Look," Cartman growled, "I had better not hear any more of this shit from you. My friends have faced enough homophobia in their time together and they're still together. It doesn't matter that they both have cocks, all that matters is that they love each other and I can tell you that they love each other. You mess with them, you mess with me."

Steve took his glass and moved to sit somewhere else.

Cartman smirked, satisfied with his night's work.


	32. Insecurities

**Kyle needs some encouragement.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski**

 **Stan and Kyle are 36, Kyle's surname is Marsh. I lied, this is the last one before I leave tomorrow. I was think of writing an AU where the characters are all actors soon, so tell me what you think of that. I'll probably make it so that South Park has continued until the characters are teenagers though.**

* * *

Insecurities

When Kyle got in from work that Friday, he noted that the house was quiet. He saw Stan in the living room with Sparks' head in his lap.

"Where are the boys?" Kyle asked.

"Don't you remember?" Stan replied, "Your dad's looking after them tonight so we can have some alone time."

Kyle nodded, that was true.

"Is everything okay?" Stan asked as Kyle sat next to him, his voice laced with concern.

"Yeah," Kyle looked at him quizzically, "Why wouldn't it be?"

"You didn't want to have sex last night."

Kyle sighed, "I was tired."

"I think you forget how well I know you," Stan frowned, "I know that's not true."

Kyle worried his bottom lip between his teeth.

"You know that I love you, you can tell me anything."

Kyle sighed again, "I guess I just don't feel like I look good."

"Why? Is it your glasses?"

Kyle had recently got glasses because he having trouble seeing things close up. It wasn't too severe, but when lives were in his hands, he refused to take risks.

"No, my glasses are fine."

"Good, I like them. They make you look smart, which you are by the way."

Kyle chuckled, "Thanks."

"Then what is it, your pump?"

Kyle had also recently got an insulin pump to save him having to inject himself with insulin regularly.

Kyle nodded, he hated the look of it on his body.

"Oh Kyle," Stan enveloped his husband in a hug, "You'll always be beautiful to me. You could lose all your limbs in an accident and you'll still be the most gorgeous human being in the world in my eyes."

Kyle smiled at Stan and pulled him in for a kiss, "You always know the right thing to say."

Stan smiled back and pulled him into another kiss, "Only with you."

"I love you," Kyle said, "I'll give you a night to remember tonight."

"I'm looking forward to it," Stan laughed.


	33. The Bet

**The Boys go to a Halloween Party and a bet is made.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, Bebe Stevens, Clyde Donovan, Token Black**

 **The first of another three-parter.**

* * *

The Bet

"You ready?" Stan asked as he applied the finishing touches to his costume.

Kyle nodded, "I'm ready."

Stan offered his arm for Kyle to loop his arm through. Kyle accepted the offer as they left to go to Bebe's Halloween costume party. It was actually the night before Halloween, but South Park was well and truly into the spirit. Stan was going as Toolshed and Kyle was going as the Human Kite.

* * *

They had taken an assortment of sweets with them, as was Halloween tradition basically anywhere. They met with Cartman, Kenny and Butters on the way. Cartman was going as the Coon, Kenny as Mysterion and Butters as Professor Chaos.

"Dude," Stan laughed, even though they had planned this in advance, "We shouldn't be going to a party, we should be fighting crime!"

"Because that worked out so well last time," Kyle deadpanned.

"I think we've done good jobs in remaking our costumes," Cartman said.

Kenny spoke in Mysterion's gravel, "I have been using this costume since we first started this stuff."

"I wonder whether people will be scared of Professor Chaos," Butters looked at his cape, "Bringer of destruction and doom."

"I'm not sure Butters," Stan shrugged, he sighed upon seeing Butters' face fall, "They probably will though."

Kyle chuckled under his breath upon seeing his boyfriend's caring nature come out, Stan hated upsetting people.

* * *

Bebe's house was packed full of people (something Kyle found tricky because he had a kite on his back). The music was loud (currently playing the Monster Mash) and the living room had been cleared of any furniture so people could dance to the music.

"Are you getting drunk?" Stan asked as they set their sweets in the kitchen.

"No," Kyle shook his head, "I get drunk at these things too much, besides, I don't want to do something stupid and ruin the costume."

"It is a really nice costume," Stan agreed.

"So's yours."

"Mine was also much easier to make."

Kyle shrugged, "You made half of mine anyway, you're better than me at this shit."

Stan was about to wrap his arms around his boyfriend but he quickly realised that he could break the costume so he settled for clasping Kyle's hand softly and pressing their lips together.

"I would hug you," Stan smiled sheepishly.

Kyle laughed, a sound that was music to Stan's ears, "Don't worry, it's fine. I would have murdered you if you broke it so quickly."

Stan chuckled, "You wouldn't murder me, who would fight crime with you?"

"Please don't get into character," Kyle rolled his eyes, something he did very often.

"Aww, c'mon," Stan mock-whined, "Toolshed and Human Kite, crime-fighting lovers. We need to make that, whether it be a comic we make ourselves or a webshow on my YouTube channel."

"I'll think about it, you're good at art," Kyle sighed, "But please don't get into character."

"Fine," Stan kissed him again, "But we have to try and make that. We can get Cartman, Kenny and Butters to let us use their characters."

Stan didn't give him time to answer, pressing their lips together for a third time.

* * *

Stan had pulled Kyle to the living room where he was currently leaning against a wall, Kyle wasn't (again due to the kite on his back), he was just standing next to his boyfriend, both of them were holding drinks, Sprite for Stan and Diet Coke for Kyle.

"How are you two doing?"

Bebe was the one who had greeted them, she got along well with Kyle and had admitted to him that she had crushed on him for two years until he and Stan came out.

"We're doing okay," Kyle smiled at her, "Who are you meant to be?"

Bebe frowned, unimpressed with Kyle's question, "Really Kyle?"

Stan laughed, "She's Dorothy from Wizard of Oz."

"Thank you Stan," Bebe shook her head, "What are your costumes based off?"

"It's something we did when we were younger and we played superheroes," Stan explained, "I'm Toolshed and Kyle's the Human Kite."

"Very creative," Bebe giggled.

"We were nine!" Kyle retorted, "Besides, Clyde was a part of that too!"

"So that's why he's being Mosquito."

"No way!" Stan laughed loudly, "You serious?"

Bebe nodded.

Kyle looked over to Stan, "We have to go and find him."

* * *

Cartman, Kenny and Butters already had, they were talking to Clyde and Token. Clyde had come as Mosquito but Token was Will Smith from Men in Black.

"Any reason you came as Will Smith?" Kenny asked.

"I forgot to make a costume and I found a black suit in my closet."

Cartman laughed, "Nice."

"I forgot how difficult it was to make a tin foil helmet like this," Butters said.

"My nose was annoying," Clyde agreed.

"It's been a while since we've had anything to do with these," Cartman raised his mask to itch his nose before setting it back in place, "You should have come as Tupperware Token."

"Probably," Token shrugged, "But like I said, I forgot."

* * *

Stan and Kyle had left early (guess why).

"I knew you couldn't go," They heard some kids talking as they walked past.

"Can you blame me?" One of them yelled, "You were asking me to go to the old Mephesto lab!"

"I can't blame that kid," Stan shuddered, "That place is creepy."

Kyle laughed, "It's just an old building, Mephesto's dead and his family's gone. The building isn't that creepy."

"I bet you couldn't go in there," Stan shook his head.

"I could," Kyle replied.

"How about we make a wager on this then?" Stan stopped and turned to his boyfriend.

"Are you challenging me?" Kyle smirked.

"When it's dark tomorrow, you have to go in there and stay there for three hours. I'll wait outside. If you lose, you have to go to school on Monday with a vibrator in your ass!"

"We don't even own a vibrator," Kyle frowned.

"I'll buy one, because I know you'll lose."

"Fine," Kyle agreed, "But if I win, you have to go to school with a vibrator in your ass!"

"You're on asshole!"


	34. The Bet (Part II)

**Kyle's attempt at spending three hours in the Mephesto lab.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch**

 **Characters are 16.**

* * *

The Bet (Part II)

Stan pulled his boyfriend into a hug, "Be careful."

Kyle rolled his eyes, "I'll be fine, nothing's going to happen."

"Just be careful," Stan frowned, "There could be something like broken glass that you could hurt yourself on."

"I will," Kyle kissed Stan to reassure him, "Now get that ass ready, you're going to love tomorrow."

"No I'm not," Stan smirked, "You are, now go, three hours starting from when you enter the door."

Kyle shook his head as he turned on his torch and stepped over the threshold into the abandoned laboratory. The place was dark and Kyle knew that it hadn't been receiving electricity for years, so his torch would be the only source of light available to him. He used the beam of light to scan the floor for a good place to sit, he immediately walked over to that spot and sat. He could hear the sounds of the water dripping from the ceiling, he leant back and took a deep breath.

Now to wait.

* * *

" _You don't really think you'll win do you?_ " Kenny asked as he spoke to Stan on the phone, he knew that there was a bet and what would constitute winning, he just didn't know what the winner got, " _Kyle's really fucking stubborn when he wants to be._ "

Stan laughed, "I'm certain, I gave him a flashlight with batteries that are nearly drained, everything will fall into place after that."

* * *

"For fuck's sake," Kyle growled as the torch flickered after an hour and then went out. He hit the end of it before trying to switch it back on. The torch remained non-functional so he tucked it into his waistband to keep it out of the way.

Kyle looked over his shoulder as he heard the door open, he was certain that he'd shut it tight when he walked in.

Okay, that was weird.

Kyle got up and walked over to close the door, he turned after doing so and he walked into something furry. He jolted before realising that it was just a statue.

But it wasn't right by the door before was it? He hadn't walked into it on his way in or back to the door.

Again, that was weird.

Kyle shook his head vigorously and took a deep breath, there was _no_ way that this place was haunted.

He could now feel something crawling up his leg, he hoped to fuck that it wasn't some kind of experiment that was left behind, all of the others had been rounded up and taken somewhere classified, Cartman had said Area 51.

Kyle cringed and swatted at it, it felt like a regular spider that he would find in the on a rare occasion in the morning. He instantly relaxed.

His mind was playing tricks on him, that must be it.

As he thought this, he felt something brush past his back.

There was a logical explanation for that.

* * *

" _Kyle out yet?_ " Kenny asked.

"Nope," Stan frowned, "He's doing pretty well, how long until Cartman and Butters spring it?"

" _When Jewboy's sufficiently spooked._ "

Stan smirked, "Okay then."

" _Why are you making us do this, I thought you wouldn't want him to get too scared and end up embarrassing himself._ "

"I know that he cheated in our last bet," Stan shrugged, "I'm showing him that I can play dirty too."

* * *

Kyle was whispering a mantra to himself, about how there was a logical explanation for everything going on around him, he jolted when he heard a loud crash and saw that there was a light smashed on the floor.

He froze instantly after whirling around, he turned his head to look over his shoulder and screamed. He bolted out the door and down the path to Stan's car, where his boyfriend was waiting.

"What was that Kyle? You could stay in there for a whole night?"

"Just fucking take me home," Kyle frowned, humiliation setting in.

"What made you come out?" Stan asked as he started the car.

"I saw fucking Mephesto!"

* * *

Back at the lab 'Mephesto' took off his mask.

"Hey Butters!" Cartman yelled, "Good idea in triggering the light to fall!"

"Thanks Eric!" Butters replied.


	35. The Bet (Part III)

**Kyle pays up.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch**

 **Characters are 16, there is a lemon at the end. Special thanks to SASTF141 for notifying me about the original uploading fuck up, apologies for the mistake.**

* * *

The Bet (Part III)

Kyle really should stop making bets, Stan could be devious when he wanted to be.

"Do I have to do this?" The redhead asked, "You did admit to me that you got Cartman to dress up as Mephesto and gave me a crappy flashlight."

"And you cheated in the basketball bet by tripping me multiple time, even though you'd have beaten me at basketball anyway."

"I'd have won anyway, so you cheated now when I would have won…"

Kyle cut himself off with a moan, Stan was preparing him for the vibrator before they left for school and he'd curled his fingers into the Jew's prostate.

"I don't know why you're complaining," Stan smirked, "You're going to be getting that all day."

"As well as a boner," Kyle groaned, "Skinny jeans don't cooperate very well with hard-ons."

"Well then you shouldn't have worn them."

"I wear them because you like my ass in them! That and I look anorexic if I wear regular jeans."

"You can take it out when we get home."

"Fuck you."

"Later," Stan laughed, he pulled his fingers out and reached for a lime green vibrator that he'd bought for the colour alone, he knew it would annoy him.

"Green?" Kyle sighed exasperatedly. "If that's for the same reason I think it is…"

"What reason is that?" Stan asked as he slid it into Kyle's anus.

"My favourite colour's green, it shows that I lost and the vibrator's mine."

Stan hummed in the affirmative as he picked a small remote with three buttons on, one had a '0', another had a '1' and the last one had a '2'.

"You little…"

Kyle was cut off by his own loud moan as Stan pressed the two.

"Don't press that in school," Kyle looked Stan right in the eyes, "I'll do anything you want when we get home, but please don't press that in school."

"Okay," Stan nodded, "I won't, but you will get the number one setting. You did lose the bet."

"Okay," Kyle frowned, he was already hard and he didn't seem to be getting any relief anytime soon.

* * *

Kenny, Cartman and Butters always waited for them in the student car park if they didn't get a ride with them, they usually did but Butters needed to go in early so his father took him in and Cartman and Kenny were able to go with them. The trio were in the car park as usual as Stan pulled in. Stan got out of his car looking cheerful, Kyle was looking annoyed.

"I need to go to my locker," Kyle rushed out and he turned on his heel to walk to the front door, which was on the other side of the building, the only way door on this side was a fire door.

"What's with him?" Kenny asked.

Stan snickered as he pulled the remote from his pocket and pressed the one button, Kyle stopped and moaned, but it was muffled and difficult to hear because of his closed mouth.

Kenny smirked and he nudged Stan, "Those were the terms of your bet?"

Stan laughed, Kenny had gone with him to buy it because he knew where they were, "Yep."

"No wonder you hired Cartman and Butters to scare the fuck out of him."

"Kyle knows how to play dirty," Stan shrugged, "I showed him that I can play dirty too."

"You'll be getting dirty with him tonight," Cartman chuckled.

Stan nodded, "Probably, I'm going to torment so badly that he needs it when we get back home."

"He'll probably be really sore with you," Butters frowned.

"Kyle will be fine, he won't hold a grudge against me," Stan shook his head, "You guys did a great job last night."

"I guess I'll always be good at tormenting him," Cartman shrugged.

* * *

Stan and Kyle shared their first lesson. It was AP Biology (Stan's only AP class) and they sat next to each other, Kyle was giving Stan the silent treatment, mainly because Stan was activating the vibrator at random intervals and the Jew was getting more than his fair share of odd looks.

"Kyle," Their teacher said, "Can you come up and add an organelle to the diagram?"

Kyle shot Stan a pleading look as he got up, Stan gained an ear-to-ear grin. Kyle walked over to the whiteboard and took the pen from their teacher, his walk was perfectly normal.

He was drawing on the board when Stan pressed the button. To Kyle's credit, he hid his moan quite well and made it look like he was thinking, but Stan noticed his grip tightening on the pen.

"You're a fucking prick," Kyle muttered as he sat back down, grunting as the action of sitting pushed the vibrator further up his backside.

* * *

Stan met Kyle by his locker at lunch, Kyle ignored his boyfriend as the quarterback tried to ask him something, so Stan got his attention in the best way available to him at the moment.

But he accidentally pressed two instead of one and Kyle's moan was loud. Right in the middle of a crowded corridor.

Kyle flushed a deep scarlet and he ran out of the closest door to him, which happened to be that fire escape. Stan followed him out, feeling guilty for going back on his word.

* * *

"Kyle!" Stan yelled as he found Kyle standing by his car, "That was an accident! I swear!"

"What-fucking-ever Stan," Kyle replied.

"C'mon Kyle," Stan frowned, "Lighten up."

Kyle's hand lashed out and he grabbed Stan by the scruff of his neck, pulling him down to his level.

"Unlock this fucking car now so I can talk about this without people hearing," Kyle growled venomously.

Stan gulped and did as he was told, Kyle was fucking scary when he was angry.

Kyle got into the backseat and Stan followed, closing the door behind him.

"I swear that last one was an accident," Stan said, "I didn't mean to press two."

"I don't care," Kyle sighed, "This isn't funny anymore Stan, you pressed it during my chemistry test and I had to disguise it as a weird cough. I've been fucking embarrassed all day because you're pressing that fucking button randomly. I've had a boner all day that's starting to ache so badly and if I get the slightest brush on the front of my pants, I'm going to cum so hard and I won't be able to hide that!"

"Shit," Stan gasped, hearing that only really served to turn him on, "I'm sorry Ky."

"I'm asking you as nicely as I can," Kyle said, "Let this end now."

Stan pulled Kyle over to him and pulled him into a passionate kiss, reaching a hand down to unbutton his jeans, being careful not to stimulate his boyfriend too much. As soon as Kyle's jeans were unbuttoned he was turned over so he was lying on his front. Stan slipped his jeans down his legs along with his boxer shorts and the raven-haired teen could see how wet the front of Kyle's boxers were from pre-cum alone. He slid the vibrator from Kyle's arse, making the Jew whine from the sudden emptiness.

"What's wrong Kyle?" Stan growled huskily into his ear, parting his cheeks to see his still-slick hole.

"I need to cum," Kyle whimpered, "So goddamn bad."

"Do you want me to make you cum?" Stan smirked.

"Please."

Stan made Kyle sit up and he bent over to take his shoes and socks off for him. He came back up and he could see the pre-cum pooling at the tip of Kyle's cock. He fingered the hem of Kyle's shirt and jacket.

"Off," Stan ordered, Kyle obeyed, to needy to argue or be worried about being caught.

Stan stripped himself completely before reaching over to the glovebox to get lube that was there 'just in case'.

"Hat too," Stan said, grabbing his hoodie from the floor of the car and taking his own hat off as well. As soon as Kyle's hair was free, Stan laid the hoodie behind Kyle's head and lubed his cock.

"No matter how pissed off with me you are," Stan whispered, "Just remember that I love you."

"I will be pissed off if you don't fuck me," Kyle replied as Stan started to kiss him.

Kyle gasped when Stan sank into him and sighed with relief.

"Just wait a little longer," Stan said softly, "I want us to cum together."

Kyle moaned when Stan bucked his hips straight into his overused prostate, causing more pre-cum to dribble from his cock.

"You're so much bigger than that thing," Kyle whined, momentarily glaring at the vibrator, "You feel so much better too."

"Damn right," Stan grunted, speeding up his thrusts slightly, "Then again, when you love my cock like you do, nothing compares, does it?"

"Nothing," Kyle moaned, "It's one of the reasons I want to spend my life with you, you've ruined any other cock for me."

Kyle's statement went straight to Stan's dick and he answered with a groan, "Fuck Ky, you feel so good."

Kyle lifted his head and smashed his lips to Stan's to muffle his moans as the pleasure he had gotten from the vibrator began to stockpile and he got progressively louder.

"Please Stan," Kyle whimpered, "I need it so bad."

"Just a little longer," Stan replied, gazing straight into Kyle's deep green eyes.

"Don't tease me buttfucker," Kyle's glare was half-hearted.

Stan laughed loudly, "Really?"

"I am aware of what I just said Stan. Now..."

Kyle cut himself off with a moan and it was music to Stan's ears and only served to bring him closer to his orgasm. As soon as Stan was close, his wrapped his hand around Kyle's cock, he would usually need lube but all of the pre-cum that had accumulated throughout the morning did the trick for him.

"Let it out Ky," Stan whispered.

It only took four quick pumps and Kyle reached his earth-shattering climax, moaning so loudly that Stan was certain that it could be heard back in the school, his anus constricted so tightly that the only time it had ever felt tighter was during their first time, when Stan hadn't known that he had to prepare his boyfriend. The sudden tightness was too much for Stan and he unloaded, but his orgasm was nowhere near the size of Kyle's, who was sobbing with relief and shuddering after basically coating both of their stomachs completely with cum.

Stan brought their lips together tenderly and rubbed his thumbs soothingly across Kyle's cheeks before finally losing his strength and collapsing on top of Kyle, who was still twitching. His sobs had subsided and Stan was nuzzling his cheek.

"I'm sorry I made you wait that long."

Kyle just hummed, still in a post-orgasmic haze.

Stan sat up and reached into the boot of the car over the backseat, grabbing a blue blanket that was in there purely for covering them up after they had sex in there.

"Let's cuddle for a bit," Stan smiled at his boyfriend, "And then let's skip the afternoon and cuddle in bed while mom's at work."

"That sounds nice," Kyle sighed hazily, that orgasm was clearly huge, Kyle wouldn't normally say that.

Stan kissed his boyfriend again and held him close, "Are you okay?"

Again Kyle just hummed, he nuzzled Stan's neck.

A sudden thought came to Stan's head: how were they going to clean off?

Eh, it could wait, he had a boyfriend to cuddle.


	36. Advice for Ike

**Ike asks his gay brother for advice on girls.**

* * *

 **Characters: Kyle Broflovski, Ike Broflovski**

 **Kyle's 16 and Ike's 10. I uploaded the wrong oneshot last time, I updated it and previewed it, but can you please leave a review on it just so that I'm certain that the issue was fixed.**

* * *

Advice for Ike

"So there's this girl at school."

Kyle swallowed the chunk of his burger that he was chewing, "Okay."

"How did you know that you liked Stan as more than a friend?"

Kyle thought for a minute to give his brother a proper answer, "When I wanted him to be more than my Super Best Friend."

"How did you get him to like you?" Ike asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, when did you get him to be your boyfriend?"

It occurred to Kyle that he wouldn't have told Ike this, as intelligent as Ike was, he wouldn't understand at his young age.

"It's… a bit weird."

"Tell me."

"Stan had pussied out of kissing Wendy and so we decided to try out a relationship," Kyle shrugged, "I didn't actually like him like that for about two months. Why?"

"I think I like this girl."

Kyle took another bite of his burger, "So?"

Ike sighed exasperatedly, "Could you give me advice?"

"Nope," Kyle said, sounding very bored, "Stan's my first real relationship. The only girl who I actively pursued became a whore after I kissed her once."

"Can you at least try?"

Kyle looked up thoughtfully, "I guess."

Ike looked at him expectantly.

"Obviously, be yourself. If the girl's going to like you, it'll be for you, not what you're trying to be."

Ike nodded.

"You're only ten, don't go too out of your way for this girl."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll lose your friends."

"Oh."

"If I were you," Kyle continued, "I'd hold off to be honest. Relationships when you're ten mean fuck all. Stan went out with Wendy and now he likes dick."

Ike laughed, "Fair point."

"Relationships should be left until you're older, what if you find out that you're gay? Hell, Stan or I could have realised that we were straight when we first got together!"

"That would have been awkward."

"Maybe for a while, but we promised each other that it wouldn't get in the way of our friendship if it didn't work out. Obviously that wouldn't work now and I'm pretty sure that we both accept that it would never be the same."

Ike nodded.

"Look, if you do get with her, no sex."

"I'm ten."

"You fucked your teacher when you were three. Don't try that shit. I don't want to have to stop you from committing suicide again."

Ike swallowed thickly.

"I'm serious."

"Okay, I'll wait 'til I'm older."

"I would agree with Chef and say seventeen, but I was fourteen so I can't really get on your case for that."

"Fourteen?"

Kyle nodded, "Summer before high school. It was our first anniversary."

Ike stared down at his food, briefly wondering why he had asked Kyle to go to Sizzler's instead of Shakey's, "What's it like to be in love?"

Kyle sighed, a fond look in his eyes, "Do you really want to know? You're a bit young to be caring about this and it's going to get really sappy and gross."

"Tell me anyway," Ike smiled.

"It's the best feeling ever, but it's also the worst if you're apart. At the same time, you know that they'll be there at the end of the day and when you've had a bad day, just seeing them makes it better."

"Keep going," Ike coaxed.

"When I was a bit younger, I became really self-conscious. I'm short, I'm scrawny, I have a really short temper, I have two huge scars on my body, I have this on my head," He pulled his hat off and pointed to his hair before replacing it, "I used to be good at hiding it, but Stan loves all of that. Because he loves all of those flaws, I've become a lot more confident in myself and I'm proud of who I am."

"He's done a lot for you," Ike noted.

"He was with me during the worst time of my life and he stuck by me the whole time."

"When?"

"After I got kicked out," Kyle explained, "I was a wreck. I didn't go to school, I barely ate, I didn't shower and I absolutely reeked. Stan stayed with me, he made me eat so I didn't go into a diabetic coma, he made me take my immunosuppressant meds, he held me when I cried even though I _stank_ , he argued with me when I called myself worthless and so pathetic that my own ma hated me. That means so much to me and it did back then too, when I was hurting and I needed to feel loved and wanted, he provided it."

"Remind me to thank him for it."

Kyle laughed, but it sounded hollow, like the memory brought a dark cloud over him, "Sorry to get all deep and personal on you there."

"Don't worry about it, I asked the question," Ike shrugged, "Sorry if I touched a nerve."

"It's fine," Kyle smiled, "So, did you play the new Splatoon update?"

* * *

 **Here's a question for you guys too. What's your favourite oneshot so far? Mine is probably Coming Out, The Boyfriend Tag or the two Cuddles ones. I should probably clarify, Kyle has to take** **immunosuppressants because of his kidney transplant and it's one the reasons he's sick so often (that and his diabetes), that's my headcanon and I'm sticking to it.**


	37. Exhaustion

**Stan's just got home from playing an American football match.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski**

 **Characters are 16. I'm having a lot of trouble with writer's block again, so if anything gets written it will be a oneshot. I have so many of these things unfinished because I don't know where to go with them. I mentioned a long oneshot in a (much) earlier oneshot, that will be split into three parts.**

* * *

Exhaustion

Kyle ran his fingers through Stan's hair, forming soapy suds in the black strands. His fingers deftly worked on Stan's scalp as he pressed a kiss to the back of his neck.

Stan was doing his best to keep his eyes open. He had just played in an American football match for the school and he had been the only player who had put in any effort for the game. It had taken its toll on him and Stan had been the one taking the brunt of the opposition tackles. Kyle had found it hard to watch, seeing his boyfriend get beaten into a pulp.

Now they were in the bath together, Stan slumped down against Kyle's chest, a reversal of how it usually was. Kyle dunked his hands under the water to remove the shampoo and grabbed the bottle of body wash on the side, he squirted a dollop into his palm and rubbed them together briefly before wrapping his arms around Stan's waist and began to rub his hands around Stan's torso. Stan hummed softly in appreciation.

"I nearly went to wait in the car," Kyle admitted softly.

"Why?" Stan yawned, his plan was to have dinner and go to sleep, Kyle would most likely accompany him to bed and read or sit at the desk and do homework.

"Seeing you get destroyed like that…" Kyle murmured as he pressed his lips to Stan's cheek, "It tore me apart. I cringe every time I see you get tackled without you being the only one who does."

Stan gave a weary laugh, "I'm fine, just exhausted."

Stan laced their fingers together as Kyle finished washing him, Kyle squeezed his hand in return as he rested his chin on Stan's shoulder.

Stan yawned again, the mere action making Kyle yawn too, although he wasn't tired. Stan laughed at Kyle's yawn and the Jew nuzzled his neck in response.

"I'm so tired," Stan said after a while.

"I know," Kyle replied, "When we get out, you just go to bed, I'll bring your dinner up."

"You don't have to do that," Stan frowned.

"I know, but I want to."

They did this every night after Stan's American football games and the roles would be reversed after Kyle's basketball games. It was comforting having a hot bath to soothe aching muscles while having their boyfriend wash them down and clean them of perspiration. While both of them would prefer a shower because it would make them cleaner, cuddling in the bath like this was so relaxing.

Kyle wrapped his arms around Stan's middle and scooted as close as he could, pressing kisses to his back and neck.

"Can we stay in here for a bit?" Stan asked after a while.

Kyle just hummed against his back in response, Stan decided to take it as a yes and settled back into Kyle's hug, turning his head to silently ask for a kiss. Kyle answered by pressing his lips to Stan's and kissing him tenderly.

"I love you," Stan said after pulling apart.

Kyle smiled at him, "I love you too."

* * *

 **Remember to send in those requests, they might give me something to write while I'm stuck.**


	38. Striking a Chord

**Kyle tries to reach Sheila.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, Ike Broflovski, Gerald Broflovski, Sheila Broflovski**

 **Characters are 16. I still consider Something About Us my defacto Stan/Kyle song for this series, but this song really struck a chord with me and I had to write this.**

* * *

Striking a Chord

Why South Park decided on a whole-town party?

Only God knows.

Kyle had been employed as DJ, he was actually going to get paid for it. He gave the role to Kenny, he actually wanted to spend time with Stan.

The party had reached the 'Karaoke' stage and Cartman was currently singing Poker Face.

"How many people are next?" Kyle asked.

"Butters," Kenny replied, "Then no one else."

"I'll go after him," Kyle said, he told Kenny his song and then went to be back with Stan.

"What song are you doing?" Stan asked, handing Kyle his Diet Coke.

"You'll find out," Kyle replied.

Cartman finished his song and put the microphone back on the stand before walking off the stage.

"Next up is Butters Stotch," Kenny spoke into his microphone, "Singing Hey Ya."

"He's actually pretty good," Cartman said.

"He is," Stan nodded in agreement.

Kyle wiped some condensation off his cup with his thumb. He looked up and met eyes with Ike. Ike furrowed his brow worriedly, Kyle simply shook his head.

When Butters put the microphone back on the stand, Kyle walked up without a word, picking up the microphone and taking a deep breath.

"Next up is Kyle Broflovski, singing Same Love."

Stan and Cartman looked at each other, both of them looking uncertain.

"He's singing that?" Cartman asked.

"Apparently so," Stan sighed.

"Why?"

Stan looked at a single person in the crowd of people, Cartman followed his eye line and found the person.

"He's brave."

* * *

Kyle's eyes locked onto his mother as the music started.

 _When I was in the third grade I thought that I was gay,  
'Cause I could draw, my uncle was, and I kept my room straight.  
I told my mom, tears rushing down my face  
She's like "Ben you've loved girls since before pre-k, trippin'."  
Yeah, I guess she had a point, didn't she?  
Bunch of stereotypes all in my head.  
I remember doing the math like, "Yeah, I'm good at little league."  
A preconceived idea of what it all meant  
For those that liked the same sex  
Had the characteristics  
The right wing conservatives think it's a decision  
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion  
Man-made rewiring of a predisposition  
Playing God, aw nah here we go  
America the brave still fears what we don't know  
And "God loves all his children" is somehow forgotten  
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago  
I don't know_

Kyle's eyes remained locked on his mother. Stan looked over to Ike, who looked honestly scared. As Kyle started the next part of the song, Stan started singing under his breath.

 _And I can't change  
Even if I tried  
Even if I wanted to  
And I can't change  
Even if I tried  
Even if I wanted to  
My love  
My love  
My love  
She keeps me warm  
She keeps me warm  
She keeps me warm  
She keeps me warm_

Kenny wondered whether he should have let Kyle do the song, his green eyes clearly showed his inner turmoil. He was yet to move his eyes from the biggest bitch in the whole wide world.

 _If I was gay, I would think hip-hop hates me  
Have you read the YouTube comments lately?  
"Man, that's gay" gets dropped on the daily  
We become so numb to what we're saying  
A culture founded from oppression  
Yet we don't have acceptance for 'em  
Call each other faggots behind the keys of a message board  
A word rooted in hate, yet our genre still ignores it  
Gay is synonymous with the lesser  
It's the same hate that's caused wars from religion  
Gender to skin colour, the complexion of your pigment  
The same fight that led people to walk outs and sit ins  
It's human rights for everybody, there is no difference!  
Live on and be yourself  
When I was at church they taught me something else  
If you preach hate at the service those words aren't anointed  
That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned  
When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless  
Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen  
I might not be the same, but that's not important  
No freedom 'til we're equal, damn right I support it_

Ike saw Stan singing under his breath and began to do the same. Butters took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his eyes. Anyone who knew what happened between Kyle and Sheila knew what was happening, Kyle was proving a point.

 _And I can't change  
Even if I tried  
Even if I wanted to  
My love  
My love  
My love  
She keeps me warm  
She keeps me warm  
She keeps me warm  
She keeps me warm_

 _We press play, don't press pause  
Progress, march on  
With the veil over our eyes  
We turn our back on the cause  
'Til the day that my uncles can be united by law  
When kids are walking 'round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart  
A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are  
And a certificate on paper isn't gonna solve it all  
But it's a damn good place to start  
No law is gonna change us  
We have to change us  
Whatever God you believe in  
We come from the same one  
Strip away the fear  
Underneath it's all the same love  
About time that we raised up... sex_

Stan had been with Kyle when they heard this song for the first time, it had been a few weeks after Kyle had moved in with the Marshes. Kyle had become very quiet and solemn after hearing it. Kyle was a big fan of Macklemore, and while Can't Hold Us was his favourite song by the artist, he really identified with this one.

 _And I can't change  
Even if I tried  
Even if I wanted to  
And I can't change  
Even if I tried  
Even if I wanted to  
My love  
My love  
My love  
She keeps me warm  
She keeps me warm  
She keeps me warm  
She keeps me warm_

Kyle put the mic back on its stand, not moving his eyes from Sheila the whole time. He walked off the stage and straight out of the community centre. Stan swiftly followed him out. Kyle was sitting on the steps at the entrance, his face in his knees and his body shaking with suppressed sobs.

"Hey dude," Stan said as he took a seat next to his boyfriend, "You forgot this."

Kyle laughed as he took his Diet Coke, the laugh sounded hollow.

"Are you okay?"

"I have no idea what the fuck I was thinking," Kyle admitted, resting his head on Stan's shoulder, "I was probably thinking that I could make her understand."

"You didn't stop staring at her."

"I was waiting for a reaction."

* * *

Ike looked from one of his parents to the other, they seemed to be communicating with their eyes, Gerald's browns to the greens Sheila shared with her biological son.

"Do you not understand?" Ike asked quietly.

"Understand what?" Sheila said coldly.

"Why Kyle did that song," Gerald answered curtly.

"He was preaching," Sheila huffed.

"That's rich!" Ike laughed sarcastically, "You started a war by preaching so shut up!"

Sheila glared at Ike, but the Canadian stayed firm despite his fearsome foe.

"I'm going to go and see him," Ike decided.

"I'll go with you," Gerald said.

* * *

Kenny, Butters and Cartman stepped outside to make sure that their friend was okay. Stan's arm was wrapped around Kyle's waist and Kyle's head was on Stan's shoulder.

"You alright Kyle?" Kenny asked.

"Fine," Kyle replied, "I'm fine."

"We got worried," Cartman said.

"Kyle's fine," Stan looked over his shoulder to face them somewhat, "He just really feels a connection to the song."

"Do you guys want to be left alone for a while?" Butters asked.

"I think that's best."

"I'd better get Clyde out of the DJ booth," Kenny sighed as he turned to walk back into the community centre, Cartman and Butters turned to follow him.

* * *

Ike and Gerald stepped out moments later and sat next to the couple.

"I'm sorry Kyle," Gerald sighed, "You couldn't get through to her."

"I wasn't expecting to," Kyle sighed, "Hoping yeah, expecting no."

"We try and make her see reason, but she's so stubborn," Ike frowned.

"Kyle can be like that," Stan smiled.

"I'm not stubborn," Kyle frowned.

Gerald sighed, "We came to see how you're doing."

"I'll be okay."

"Do you wanna go home?" Stan asked, "We can watch Netflix or something."

"Yeah, I'd like that."

Stan turned to look at Ike, "Can you tell the guys that we've gone home?"

Ike nodded, "Yeah, take care of him."

Stan laughed, "I've been taking care of him for over a decade, I'll be okay."

Stan took Kyle's hand in his own and stood, bringing the Jew with him, "C'mon dude, let's go and cuddle or something."

Kyle smiled at him and nodded. If anyone could make him feel amazing, it was Stan.

But why couldn't Sheila see it?

* * *

 **You should really listen to this song. It's pretty damn good.**

 **I have two oneshots that should be soon. One is written from my own experience and that should be next, the second involves Stan and Kenny because I've done Kyle and Cartman interactions before. The really long one is going to be postponed for a while, I need to plan that one out.**


	39. A Conversation with Kenny

**Stan's hanging out with Kenny.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kenny McCormick**

 **Characters are 16. Takes place at the same time as 'When the blood falls'.**

* * *

A Conversation with Kenny

"Thanks for coming with me," Stan said, "I don't like to shop alone, even if I'm buying stuff for other people."

"No problem," Kenny replied, "I think Kyle's going to really like the present you got him."

Valentine's Day was close, naturally Stan wanted to get Kyle a present, and Kyle had already got Stan his present. Stan and Kenny were currently in the food court having lunch.

"He was looking forward to that game for ages," Stan said, "Obviously I got him the sugar-free chocolates. He isn't a fan of the romantic crap."

"How are things with you and Kyle?"

Stan smiled fondly, "Amazing, he's amazing."

"Amazing in the hay?"

Stan nodded, "You ever heard of the tea trick?"

Kenny nodded, "The one where you alternate between hot tea and iced water, I know it."

"He used it on me last night. His blowjobs are godly enough, adding that in was just… wow."

Kenny chuckled.

"His blowjobs are seriously amazing."

Kenny laughed, "What? Now that he's not here you're talking all about this stuff."

"He doesn't normally let me," Stan conceded, "But I want everyone to know about my sex god of a boyfriend. He's seriously unbelievable in bed, I want people to be jealous."

"People are already jealous," Kenny said, "He has the finest of asses."

"Very true," Stan agreed, "I get to see it every night, even when we don't have sex."

"I'm half expecting you to have a Q&A over your sex with him."

Stan laughed, "Depends on the question."

"Favourite position?"

"Missionary, we can see each other and kiss and stuff. But Kyle does really like to ride me, he looks so fucking hot when he does."

"I can imagine. Personally I'd do him doggy style so I could see that ass."

"We do that a lot, trust me."

Kenny laughed, "Like I'm going to tell you how you fuck your boyfriend."

"I dunno," Stan smirked, "You could watch us through the window without us knowing."

Kenny's laugh became hysterical, "You sounded like you didn't give a fuck!"

"If you were outside the window, I'd fucking murder you," Stan admitted, "Only I can know Kyle in that way."

"I bet you know a lot of dirty shit about him."

"Obviously," Stan shrugged, "He knows a lot of dirty shit about me."

"Like…?"

"When he drags a finger lightly over the small of my back it turns me on big time."

Kenny put a finger to his chin, "I'll do that to piss him off."

"You think he'll let you? He'd fucking slaughter you."

"He can be pretty protective."

"He just knows that I'm pretty sensitive and I can get upset easily and he wants me to be happy. I don't care, he's hot when he's pissed off."

"Very true," Kenny nodded.

Stan checked his phone when his text tone when off, "We've gotta go, Kyle wants to get fucked before the Broncos game."

"Can I join in?"

"Fuck off Kenny."


	40. Skiing Incident

**Stan has an accident while skiing.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, Bebe Stevens, Wendy Testaburger, Herbert Garrison.**

 **Kyle and Kenny are 15, the other three are 16. This one's pretty long, if anything, it's a sequel to 'A Night On the Bus' (remember that one?).**

* * *

Skiing Incident

Over the last two and a half days, the boys had come to really enjoy skiing. Cartman had initially been shaky, but Kyle's yelling of 'Pizza!' or 'French Fries!' had helped him out, although it had pissed off everyone else in their group who wasn't Stan, Kenny or Butters. Kyle continued to shout it out, purely to piss everyone else off.

"C'mon Stan," Kyle said as he tossed the paper bag that had previously held his lunch into the bin, "Let's get ready to go."

Stan nodded as he finished the last part of the chocolate bar he was eating. They had been eating at a café at the top of the mountain the ski resort was on. They walked awkwardly over to their skis, their large ski boots were rigid and went up to the middle of their shins.

"You should wear the blue jacket more often," Kyle said as they 'walked', "It looks good on you."

"I like my brown one," Stan shrugged, "I like you with the green jacket rather than your orange one."

"I'll wear it more often then," Kyle nodded, "Green is my favourite colour."

Kyle slipped the straps on his poles over his wrists and used them for support as he clicked his boots into his skis. Stan performed the same actions. They used their poles to push themselves over the snow to their ski group.

"Took you fags long enough," Cartman said, his grin showing that he wasn't being offensive.

"Sorry Fatass," Kyle grinned back, "I'm surprised, you're not still pigging out."

"AY!"

"You should've seen how much he ate," Kenny snickered, "It could feed my family for a week."

"It was quite a lot," Butters agreed.

Their ski group consisted of themselves, Craig, Clyde, Token and Tweek.

"Alright," Their instructor said, pointing down a slope, "We're aboot to go down that slope, follow me as usual and we will reach the bottom. We'll come back up and then take a different route down, that should take us up to the time you go back to the hostel."

Yes, their instructor was Canadian.

They would ski in a line and their order was usually the same: Tweek, Clyde, Token, Craig, Cartman, Butters, Kenny, Stan and finally Kyle, because he was the best skier.

They skied down a straight slope that wasn't steep, most likely because it was close to the café. The slope got much steeper quickly and turns were needed to regulate speed.

Stan jolted and cried out, forcing him into a one-eighty. As soon as he was facing up the slope and he fell, preventing himself from sliding backwards down the mountain. His left knee was bent and he wasn't making an attempt to get up, clutching his knee.

Kyle stopped next to him, "C'mon man, they've stopped for us."

Stan just looked up at him, "My knee…"

Kyle immediately popped his own skis off and crouched down next to him, "Which one?"

"Left."

Kyle gently felt it through his salopettes, there was a large rigid lump on the side, "Oh my god."

"Hurry up guys!" Kenny shouted.

"Something's really gone wrong up here!" Kyle shouted back, "Stan's really hurt his knee!"

Kenny popped his own skis off and walked up the slope to the pair, "What's happened?"

Kyle guided Kenny's hand over to Stan's knee.

"Oh shit," Kenny whispered.

Kyle whispered in Kenny's ear so that Stan couldn't hear, "I think it's a dislocation, the lump is his bone."

"I think you may be right."

"You get his skis off," Kyle ordered, shuffling on his knees over to Stan, "You're gonna be okay dude."

"What's wrong with my knee," Stan whined, his voice choked with pain.

Kyle took Stan's backpack off. They all wore one, it held their lunches, sunscreen to block sunlight reflected from the snow, lip balm for the same reason and, in Kyle's case, hats. Kyle gently unclipped Stan's helmet, "We think you might have dislocated your kneecap, but you're gonna be okay."

Stan whimpered as Kenny unclipped the skis as gently as he could, his knee inevitably jostled. He took Kyle's hand and squeezed it, Kyle gave him a reassuring squeeze back.

"What's happened here?" Their instructor asked, Cartman and Butters having followed him up.

"Stan's dislocated his knee," Kyle explained, he turned his head to look at Cartman and Butters, "Try and call Garrison or Mackey, they need to know about this."

"It really hurts," Stan whimpered.

"I know," Kyle kissed Stan's cheek, "But you just need to hang in there a bit longer."

"Can you grab a ski?" The instructor asked Kenny, the parka-clad male nodded and picked up one of Stan's skis, "Stand them up so they're crossed over."

Kenny did as he was told. Cartman and Butters both had their phones out and were trying to call one of their teachers. The instructor called the base of the mountain and they were send first aid as fast as they could.

"Ow, fuckfuckfuck!" Stan shouted.

"What's wrong?" Kyle began to panic slightly.

"My knee's twitching," Stan squeezed Kyle's hand like he was giving birth, "That really fucking hurts."

Kyle raised Stan's hand to his lips and kissed the back of it, "Just hang in there."

A sudden gust of wind blew over the mountain, blowing the skis that were crossed over. They fell on Stan, the bindings hit him right on the head. Kyle had jumped back to avoid being hit.

"THANKS FOR TAKING OFF MY FUCKING HELMET!" Stan yelled.

"Oops," Kyle winced, "Sorry about that."

"The skidoo's on its way up," Their instructor said as Kyle lifted the skis from on top of his boyfriend.

"Not long now dude," Kyle rubbed his thumb over Stan's knuckles.

Stan nodded.

* * *

Thirty five minutes later, the skidoo still hadn't got there.

"Where the fuck is it?" Stan yelled, "Tell them there's a fucking emergency and they take their fucking time!"

"I can hear it," Kyle whispered, "The skidoo's here now."

"Finally," Stan sighed

"What seems to be the problem here?" The first aid officer on the skidoo asked as he crouched by Stan's feet.

"My boyfriend dislocated his knee," Kyle explained.

"I'm going to try and move it, okay?"

"NO!" Stan screamed, "Don't, it really fucking hurts!"

"Okay," The first aid officer said, "I won't."

He pulled a walkie-talkie from his jacket and began to speak into it, as he did so Butters walked over.

"Mr. Garrison's on his way over," Butters said.

Kyle nodded and then looked up, "Shit Stan, you brought out the fucking cavalry."

Stan turned his head to look up, there was a fucking helicopter.

"Oh wow."

A team of paramedics ran over dropping a bag which had equipment.

"Can we get his jacket off?" The first aid officer asked.

Kyle helped and as soon as the jacket was off, the sudden chill hit Stan and he started shivering, causing him to cry out in agony.

"It's okay dude," Kyle cooed, as the sleeves of many thermal tops and a jumper were rolled back to expose Stan's arm, "It's gonna be over soon."

Stan whimpered as he felt something sharp press into his skin.

"We're going to give you some morphine," The first aid officer said, "You ever been drunk?"

Stan glanced uneasily at Kyle, "Few times."

* * *

It was moments later that Stan's eyes clouded over.

"How are you doing?" Kyle asked.

Stan gave Kyle a goofy grin and a thumbs-up, "'M fine," He slurred.

Kyle nodded.

"Can you help us turn him onto his back?" A paramedic said, Kyle nodded and complied.

When Stan had been turned onto his back, the paramedics slowly straightened Stan's leg and popped his kneecap back into place with a sickening crack, something Stan was blissfully unaware of thanks to the morphine.

"Okay I'm here," Mr. Garrison said as he skied over, "Is Stanley okay?"

"His knee's back in place," Kyle replied.

"We're going to be airlifting him to hospital," A paramedic explained, "We need an adult to go with him."

"Can't I?" Kyle frowned.

"We can only allow one person to go in the helicopter and he needs to have an adult go with him."

Kyle crossed his arms rather childishly with a huff.

"He'll be fine Kyle," Cartman said, "Stan's a tough cookie."

"I just think he'd like his fucking boyfriend to be with him!"

"I'll make sure he understands," Mr. Garrison waved dismissively, "Get the sand out of your vagina."

Cartman burst out laughing and Kyle furrowed his brow.

"Fine then, but if he has to stay at hospital I'm _going_ to visit him."

Stan was wrapped in what looked like a large orange sleeping bag and towed to the helicopter by the skidoo, Mr. Garrison was sitting on the back of it.

"He's going to be fine Kyle," Kenny clapped the Jew's shoulder.

"I know," Kyle sighed, "But of course I'm going to be worried."

"You should probably call his mom," Cartman said, "Mr. Garrison or Mr. Mackey probably did, but I'm sure she'd prefer to hear it from you."

Kyle nodded and pulled his phone out, selecting the Marsh house number and putting the phone to his ear.

" _Hello?_ " Sharon said.

"Mrs. Marsh?" Kyle replied, "It's me, Kyle."

" _Are you boys okay?_ " Sharon asked, " _I've been told that Stanley dislocated his knee._ "

"We're fine," Kyle sighed, "Just Stan's knee."

" _Look after him will you?_ "

"Of course I will."

* * *

When Stan regained conscious thought, he saw bright lights above him. His eyes eventually focused and he found that he was being wheeled down a corridor and into a room that looked like an office.

"How's your knee?" Mr. Garrison asked after realised Stan was lucid.

"It doesn't hurt."

"Don't move it," A doctor said as he walked in and sat at a desk.

The next thirty minutes were spent by the Mr. Garrison giving the doctor information from the school about Stan and the events leading up to the dislocation.

"We're going to keep him in overnight so that he can have an MRI scan tomorrow," The doctor said.

"Can we take him back to the hostel and bring him in the morning?" Mr. Garrison asked.

"No, we don't know when the MRI will be, it's easier for him to stay over."

Mr. Garrison sighed and nodded.

"I'll just go and see which ward has space in."

"Where's my jacket?" Stan asked, "I need to call my mom."

"It's under the bed," Mr. Garrison said, "Just use my phone."

Mr. Garrison dialled the Marsh household and gave the phone to Stan.

"Mom?"

" _Stanley?_ "

"It's me," Stan sighed.

" _Are you okay?_ "

"I'm fine," Stan said, "I'm having an MRI scan on my knee tomorrow, so I have to stay in hospital overnight."

" _Make sure you be careful,_ " Sharon said, clearly sounding relieved, " _I have to get back to work so I'll see you when you get home._ "

"I'll call you when I get out tomorrow," Stan said, "See you."

" _See you._ "

Stan handed the phone back to Mr. Garrison as the doctor came back in, holding some kind of contraption and some light blue pants.

"We need to change him out of his salopettes and into these," The doctor said before holding up the odd contraption, "Then we can put this knee brace on him."

Mr. Garrison helped the doctor change Stan's pants and the doctor taught him how to fasten the Velcro straps on the knee brace. Soon the bed had been wheeled into a ward with four other people inside.

"I'm going to have to go and supervise the other kids. Is there anyone you'd like me to bring with me? Kyle obviously."

Stan nodded, "Kenny, Cartman and Butters as well."

"Is there anything you'd like me to bring with me?"

"Kyle will know what to bring."

"I'll be back after dinner."

* * *

Mr. Garrison had barely gotten through the doorway of the hostel when he was met by Kyle.

"Is Stan okay?" The redhead asked.

"He's fine," Mr. Garrison said, "Tell Kenny, Eric and Butters that you're going to visit him after dinner."

Kyle went to do exactly that, it wasn't long after that they were walking to the grocery store in the middle of the small village that the hostel was situated in to by Stan some stuff such as sweets, chocolate and bottles of pop.

"You really splurged there Kyle," Kenny smiled, "I thought Jews were meant to be good at saving money."

Kyle rolled his eyes, "It was the fucking huge chocolate ski, that was pretty fucking expensive. Besides, this is a special case."

"He has a point there Kenny," Butters agreed.

"I need to go and get Stan's stuff that he'll want with him," Kyle said.

"It's scary how well you know him."

"It's almost like he's been my Super Best Friend for over a decade and even more for two years."

* * *

Kyle didn't eat much at dinner and he hadn't yelled 'Pizza' or 'French Fries' after Stan had been airlifted, this whole thing had been affecting him more than he wanted to let on. Hence why he was walking a good few strides in front of the others as they walked through the hospital.

"I think we should give them a moment when we get there," Cartman said quietly so Kyle couldn't hear.

The others nodded in agreement.

"It's here," Mr. Garrison gestured to a door.

Kyle instantly stepped in, smiling when he saw how Stan's face lit up upon seeing him.

* * *

Stan had been horrendously bored since Mr. Garrison left and he had honestly been quite lonely, no one else in the ward was in a very talkative mood.

But it was impossible to be bored when Kyle's lips were on his.

Kyle moved a hand down from Stan's cheek and to his hand, clasping it gently and taking a seat next to the bed.

"How're you doing?" Kyle asked.

"I'm fine," Stan gave Kyle one of the smiles that always made the Jew happy without fail, "My knee doesn't hurt at all!"

"Thank God," Kyle pressed his lips to the back of Stan's hand.

"You've been worried haven't you?"

"How could I not?"

Stan just kept smiling at him.

Kyle reached down to grab Stan's backpack and a plastic carrier bag. He set them on the bed and moved to give Stan an Eskimo kiss.

"The backpack has all the stuff you wanted, the carrier bag has some stuff I bought for you."

"How much did you buy?" Stan laughed, "That thing is heavy!"

"A fair amount," Kyle admitted sheepishly.

"Thank fuck dude, I'm fucking starving right now."

"It's seven-thirty," Kyle's brow furrowed, "Didn't they bring you dinner?"

Stan shook his head, "Everyone else got some though, it must be because I came in at like… three I think."

"Still!" Kyle was _very_ clearly pissed off, "They should be fucking feeding you!"

"Calm down Kyle," Stan whined, "Please? I don't want to cause a scene."

Kyle sighed, "The shit I do for you Stanley Marsh."

"Are the others outside?"

"I would assume so."

"They can come in now."

"They'll be in soon," Kyle shrugged, "You don't know how happy I am to see you okay."

"You don't know how happy I am to see you," Stan smiled, "I've been so bored."

Stan pulled Kyle into another kiss as Kenny, Cartman and Butters walked in.

"Hey Stan," Kenny smiled, "How are you doing?"

"Fine," Stan smiled, giving each of them a one-armed hug because Kyle refused to relinquish his other hand, "I'm just not allowed to move my knee, I've got a brace on it."

"Kyle's been such a little bitch since you got flown off," Cartman smiled.

"Fuck you fatass!" Kyle glared.

"You didn't eat much at dinner," Butters frowned, "And you have been quiet."

Kyle glared at Butters as Stan laughed.

"Aww, did you miss me?" Stan smirked.

"Maybe," Kyle huffed.

Stan squeezed the Jew's hand, before patting the bed next to him, "Get up here."

Kyle sat next to Stan on the bed, letting Stan pull him into a cuddle.

The other three all set carrier bags on the bed.

"You guys all got me something?" Stan smiled widely.

"Yeah," Kenny nodded, "Kyle kind of dragged us out to do so but…"

"Bullshit," Kyle shook his head, "I was going to go and you thought that I was a genius and decided to follow me."

"Can one of you guys press the button here?" Stan asked, pointing to the button hanging above his head, "I need one of the nurses to get me crutches so I can go and have a piss."

Butters pressed it for him and after finding out what Stan needed, the nurse left and returned with a bottle. This brought hysterical laughter from Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and Butters because the expression on Stan's face.

"Help me out here dude," Stan frowned, shuffling to the side of the bed.

"No way dude," Kyle got off the bed so Stan could shuffle over, "I'm not going near your piss!"

"You've sucked my cock before," Stan deadpanned, "Now help out."

Kyle grumbled as Stan passed him the bottle and pulled his cock out, shifting the covers over to cover him. Kyle gave the bottle back and let Stan do his business.

"You're such a fucking pussy when it comes to piss," Cartman laughed.

Kyle glared at him to shut him up.

They couldn't stay long, but Stan and Kyle shared a long kiss before they had to leave. Stan would obviously have preferred them to stay, but he felt immeasurably happy as he settled to sleep.

* * *

Stan was pissed off the next day as he was driven back to the hostel. It turned out that he probably wouldn't need the MRI after all at one in the afternoon and he had been picked up at three. It was quarter-past now and the others would be returning at half-past. Stan simply took a seat in a booth in the area their school had been assigned to eat in, leaning his crutches against the wall next to him.

He could hear the sounds of everyone returning, so he grabbed his crutches and hopped to a lobby-like area where there was a staircase leading down. Down the stairs there was the boot room, where people would leave their boots (big fucking surprise). The skis were kept on the bus and helmets were kept in the room with everyone else. Everyone had to buy their own goggles.

"Hey Stan," Bebe smiled as she came up the stairs with Wendy, "We heard about what happened. I can't believe you got airlifted!"

"Gotta go out in style haven't you?" Stan shrugged as he sat on a sofa and lifted his leg to rest it on a coffee table.

Bebe sat on one side of Stan whilst Wendy sat on the other and started to rub herself up on him. Stan immediately started to feel uncomfortable but he was saved when Kyle emerged from the stairwell.

"How was the scan?" The Jew asked as he walked over and hugged his boyfriend.

"They didn't fucking do it," Stan frowned, "Apparently, because it can be done back home, they don't want to waste resources."

"Bullshit," Kyle mimicked Stan's frown, "You could have just come back. They did feed you today right?"

Stan nodded, "It tasted like ass though."

"Have you got the stuff we bought?"

Stan reached down by his foot and lifted the backpack (which he'd tried to stuff as much as possible into) and a carrier bag (which held the chocolate ski).

"Did you see that carton of juice?" Kyle smiled.

Stan nodded.

"Did you see what Cartman wrote?"

Stan retrieved the juice from the backpack and turned it over to look at the back. Wendy and Bebe leaned in to see.

The back of the carton depicted a skier, Cartman had circled the skier's left knee in biro and written ' _Where your knee should be_ '. Stan laughed at it, harder than he probably should.

"Leave it to him," He smiled.

"I think it's a bit harsh," Wendy frowned.

Bebe shook her head, "I'm sure Stan knows when his friends are joking around."

"Do you wanna go back up the room or something?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah," Stan replied, he made a move to sling the backpack onto his back but Kyle stopped him.

"I'll take them."

Stan allowed him to do so. He had been having some trouble balancing on his one leg, even with the crutches, when carrying them.

* * *

Stan got a member of the hostel staff to open the lift for him because it wasn't open to the general public whilst Kyle went up the stairs. Butters was waiting for Stan when he got out the lift.

"Hey Butters," Stan smiled.

"Kyle's moved your stuff down to the bottom bunk," Butters explained, Stan and Kyle had been sharing the top, "Since you can't climb up and all."

The hostel rooms had three bunk beds, meant for six people. There was only the five of them in their room though. Stan and Kyle had taken the bed closest to the door, something Stan was glad they had done now.

Kenny helped Stan swing himself into the bed by holding one of his crutches.

"What are we meant to be doing tonight?" Kenny asked.

"That show thing," Cartman said, "I couldn't give less of a shit."

"I'll see if I can get all of you guys to stay behind. Mr. Garrison said at least one of you would have to."

"And that would obviously be Kyle," Kenny said.

Stan nodded, "I'll try and get the rest of you though."

"Kewl," Cartman nodded.

"I really need a crap," Stan announced, Kyle swung himself down from the top of the ladder leading to the top bunk and helped him up. The rooms didn't have their own toilets, their corridor had two pairs of men's and women's. The rooms did have their own showers, but they didn't have locks.

Kyle was waiting outside for Stan to finish.

"That was fucking huge dude," Stan sighed with relief.

"Nice to know," Kyle rolled his eyes.

Stan chuckled when he was set back down of the bed. The beds had shelves attached to the walls and Kyle had organised his with all the stuff and in alphabetical order.

"I thought it'd make things easier," Kyle smiled sheepishly as he sat next Stan and allowed himself to be drawn into a cuddle.

Stan kissed Kyle slowly and tenderly, he'd been craving it for the whole of last night and now he was finally able to get his fix. It had taken all his restraint to keep from jumping up from the couch earlier and jumping Kyle's bones, especially since Kyle looked so adorable with pink cheeks tinged with cold.

That wouldn't have been good for his leg though.

"Fuck!" Kenny yelled, having just come back from having a piss, "Stan, that crap smells like one of Cartman's!"

"AY!"

"I had to piss in a bottle," Stan reasoned, "I wasn't crapping in one too!"

"Besides," Kyle added, "Didn't you block the toilet downstairs?"

Kenny nodded, "To be fair, I was sitting next to Cartman for a twenty-seven hour long bus journey and I wasn't letting him have food without sharing it."

* * *

"Okay Stanley," Mr. Garrison said after they'd had dinner, "We're going to let you have three of your friends to stay with you while we go to the show."

"Can't we have four?" Stan asked, "Otherwise one of us is just left out

"I guess so," Mr. Garrison said, "I guess it'll be these four."

Stan nodded.

* * *

"They give us too little food," Cartman frowned after got back to the room.

"Of course you'd say that fatass," Kyle tutted.

"I have to agree with Cartman on this one," Stan said, "It's like they're feeding toddlers."

"Butters and I can go and pick up some pizzas," Kenny said, there was a pizza place down the street and they'd done the exact same thing on the first night.

Each of them chipped in for an equal amount of the total money for three pizzas, Kenny had dragged Cartman with them, leaving the couple alone.

"I missed you so much," Stan said softly, snuggling close to Kyle.

Kyle smiled at him, "I find it insane how much love makes me miss you when you're gone. I had trouble sleeping last night, I think it's the first time we've been apart since I moved in."

Stan hummed in acknowledgement, "I just really want to cuddle."

"I want to play Smash Bros," Kyle laughed.

"That's a better idea."

* * *

"You fucking dick!" Stan laughed as the other three returned with the pizza, "Fuck you!"

"That's your job," Kyle grinned, "It's not my fault you suck ass!"

"Whatever," Stan punched Kyle's shoulder playfully, "Pizza's here."

The three boxes were laid on the floor and they opened one box and took slice from it, closing it once they all had one to preserve the heat.

"I might go to sleep early tonight," Stan decided, "That hospital bed was lumpy as fuck."

"If you guys are asleep later," Kenny said, "We'll be as quiet as possible, I know Kyle's tired, he was tossing and turning for a while last night."

"Probably didn't know what to do with the extra space," Butter smiled.

"Or was just missing Stan's cock in his ass," Cartman smirked.

"True," Kyle conceded, "But I've been missing that all week fatass."

* * *

The other three left to play pool and table tennis later and Stan wanted a shower but keeping his leg straight was an issue. Mr. Garrison had shown Kyle how to undo the brace, so there was no issue there. Kyle was in the shower with him, having helped Stan get in and sit on a seat that came from the side of the shower. Kyle was washing Stan's bad leg and his back. Stan just washed Kyle's back. Kyle helped Stan pull on some tracksuit bottoms before fastening his brace over the top.

"This is the first time in years that I've slept with pants on," Stan noted, he usually wore a T-shirt and boxers, but tonight he was going shirtless.

"Partly because of me," Kyle waggled his eyebrows as they brushed their teeth, nearly making Stan choke on his toothpaste at the insinuation. Kyle was wearing what he usually wore to bed on a sexless night, Stan's high school American football jersey and pyjama bottoms.

Stan slept much easier that night, happy to have his boyfriend in his arms again.

Kyle slept much easier too, knowing that he would be there to help Stan when he needed it.

* * *

 **A lot of the stuff that happened in this happened to me in Austria and it was the second time I dislocated my knee in 8 months. Unfortunately, I didn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend to wait on me hand and foot but eh. You win some, you lose some.** **Stan definitely went out in style (it's funny because he's fucking Kyle).**


	41. Done and Dusted

**Kyle wants to get the Christmas shopping done early.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski**

 **Stan and Kyle are 35, Kyle's surname is Marsh.**

* * *

Done and Dusted

"Remind me again why we're here again," Stan frowned.

"We're getting the Christmas shopping done early," Kyle explained as they walked through the South Park mall.

"It's the middle of November!" Stan said incredulously, "Why don't we wait until later, when everything's on sale?"

"You did that last year," Kyle raised an eyebrow, "And you shit yourself because so much stuff was sold out. I had already bought my stuff, and I was perfectly fine to sit on my ass while you ran around like Tweek on crack."

Stan shrugged as he looked at his husband, "I heard that he's actually pretty mellow now."

"Really?"

Stan nodded, "I haven't seen him in years though."

They stopped when they noticed a commotion in the middle of the mall. A woman was shouting at her husband.

"Crazy bitch," Kyle shook his head.

"I feel sorry for the guy," Stan agreed, "She doesn't have to go around airing their dirty laundry."

"Even if I was the most pissed off with you that I'd even been in my life," Kyle said, "I'd never yell to the world about what you do in bed. But you're incredible in bed anyway so I don't have anything to complain about."

"I don't know how I'd ever forgive you if you did something like that to me," Stan admitted, "I'd obviously stay with you because I didn't marry you for nothing, but I wouldn't let you live it down."

"People actually want to marry them," Kyle frowned, "I don't think I ever could, homosexuality notwithstanding, just think of all the shit you'd have to deal with. Periods, constant complaining, never being able to be right, knowing that they know they can string you along. I couldn't deal with it."

"I doubt it's that bad," Stan laughed, "You're still pretty good friends with Bebe, you talk a lot over Facebook."

"Bebe's pretty cool," Kyle conceded, "But I couldn't marry her if I was straight."

"Not like we can speak from experience though," Stan shrugged, "We both married a guy."

"True."

The shopping was actually done pretty easily, the only presents they hadn't bought were the ones for each other. They'd be getting them on their own.

"This was a good idea," Stan said, "We had basically free choice."

"I do it every year," Kyle laughed.

Stan smiled at him, "I actually really enjoyed being out with you. We haven't been able to do stuff together as just us for a while."

Kyle leaned over and kissed his husband, "We're doing something with kids tomorrow."

"I love those little guys so much," Stan said, "But sometimes I just want to spend time with you, I can't exactly swear at movies or video games with them."

"I don't think you need to worry too much about swearing with them, we had dirtier mouths than Kenny's dick when we were Ethan's age and we turned out okay."

"We also had a weekly catastrophe in our childhoods, swearing was justified."

"Touché."


	42. Another List

**Stan and Kyle get wrapped up in another list.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens, Heidi Turner, Red**

 **Stan is 17, Kyle is 16, the girls are in between them. This is going to lead into another oneshot.**

* * *

Another List

"Why are we here again?" Kyle asked his boyfriend.

"Bebe asked for our help," Stan shrugged, "I didn't think they were making a list."

"I thought they stopped this in elementary school."

"Now then," Wendy turned to address them after addressing the girls, "I bet you two are wondering why you're here."

"Are you trying to emasculate us?" Kyle asked, "This pink is hurting my eyes."

"No," Bebe shook her head, "We want your help for one of our lists."

"What list?" Stan asked, pulling Kyle into his lap. He was up for helping people out.

"Hottest boys in our grade," Heidi said.

"I'm out," Kyle made a move to stand and walk out, "I got too wrapped up in that last time."

"If we stay we can make sure that no funny business happens this time," Stan said, holding onto Kyle's hand.

"Fine," Kyle sighed.

"Last time I was here, it was weird," Stan said, "Sparkle, sunshine."

"We're too old for that now," Bebe shrugged.

"So where do we start?" Kyle asked, "We don't usually take part in this."

"Who do we all think is the hottest boy?" Wendy asked.

"Stan," Kyle replied.

"Kyle," Stan said.

Bebe face-palmed, of course the butt-buddies would choose each other.

"I agree with Kyle," Wendy said.

"But Kyle has the best ass ever!" Stan argued.

"I think everyone is agreement on that Stan, Kyle has the best ass out of anyone in the grade," Bebe said and every girl in the room nodded in agreement, "But there are other people who are hotter on a full-body level."

Kyle raised an eyebrow with a grin and a dark blush.

"Not to say that the rest of you isn't hot, it's just…"

"I'm messing with you," Kyle laughed, "I know there are lots of people hotter than me."

"No there aren't," Stan frowned.

"I appreciate the sentiment Stan," Kyle kissed his cheek, "But I'm not that hot."

"You are to me."

Kyle smiled fondly at his boyfriend.

"Just for his ass alone, I think he should at least be number five," Heidi said.

"All in favour of Kyle being number five on the list?" Wendy asked.

Everyone except Stan put their hand up.

"Kyle is number five."

"Sweet!" Kyle grinned.

"I still think you should be top," Stan frowned.

"We all know that you're top," Kyle smirked, waggling his eyebrows.

Stan blushed, reading the hidden meaning behind the words.

"But seriously," Wendy said, "I agree with Kyle, Stan should be top of the list."

"I don't think many people will argue," Red nodded.

"All in favour of Stan being top of the list?"

It wasn't everyone, but most people agreed that Stan should be top.

There was a lot of arguing and deciding but eventually the list was decided. The top five was: Stan, Gary Harrison, Token, Kenny and Kyle in descending order. Butters was eighth and Cartman was bottom, something Stan and Kyle had tried to argue against, there were definitely uglier people in their grade.

"Our last list was the cutest couples," Bebe explained.

"Who was top?" Stan asked curiously.

"Who do you think?" Wendy shook her head, "You guys!"

"You also won most likely couple to get married," Bebe said.

"Awesome!" Stan smiled, "I plan on keeping hold of this asshole."

"Fuck you dick," Kyle laughs.

"I plan to later."


	43. Jealousy

**Kyle can be a bit insecure.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch**

 **Stan and Butters are 17, the others are 16. This follows on from the last one and one will follow but it may not be straight away and with the roles reversed.**

* * *

Jealousy

Gary Harrison.

Blond, Mormon and very attractive.

He also rubbed Kyle the wrong way, big time.

Now, Kyle was certain that the two of them could get along if left to their own devices. Gary was a pretty nice person. The fact that Stan was working with him on a project and as such, spent quite some time away from his boyfriend didn't annoy him. He was always telling Stan to do his homework so they could get into a college together.

There were rumours flying around the school that Gary was a homosexual. Rumours that the object of his affections was Stan.

Stan said that the rumours were just that… rumours. Kyle had some problems with insecurity and he was afraid. He trusted Stan completely, but there was a niggling fear in the back of his mind that Stan would realise that Gary was better in nearly every way: taller, kinder, definitely more attractive.

He wouldn't entertain the thought.

"I'm going to have to go over to Gary's again tonight," Stan said, "His computer didn't save the file."

Kyle sighed, "Okay."

"I know we haven't been able to spend a lot of time together recently," Stan laid a hand on Kyle's cheek, gently rubbing it with his thumb, "But I need to finish this and it's not our fault if the computer fucks up."

"It's fine," Kyle gave Stan a small smile, "I just miss you."

"I miss you too," Stan pressed their lips together, "The project's due in soon."

Kyle nodded.

"I'm catching a ride with him," Stan said as he handed Kyle his car keys, "I'll be home at seven, we can do something then."

* * *

When they parted after school, Kyle waited until Stan was out of earshot to let out a venomous growl.

Computer failed to save? Yeah fucking right.

Kyle was certain that Gary was deleting the file.

"You guys getting a ride?" Kyle asked his other three friends.

Kenny, Cartman and Butters accepted with Kenny calling shotgun.

"What's wrong?" Kenny asked.

"Three weeks," Kyle said curtly.

"What?" Cartman furrowed his brow.

"That was the last time we had sex."

"TMI."

"Two weeks ago was the last time we did anything properly as a couple."

"I'm sure Stan isn't doing it on purpose," Butters said.

"I'm certain of that," Kyle huffed, "I'm not saying this is Stan's fault."

"You're saying it's Gary's," Cartman said.

"Bingo."

"You've heard the rumours then," Kenny stated.

"At first I dismissed them," Kyle drummed his fingers on the wheel as he waited at some traffic lights, "But now…"

"You're believing them."

"Stan's too trusting," Kyle sighed, "No one uses a computer if it fails to save six days in a row."

"He definitely likes Stan in some way," Butters admitted.

"But Stan loves you," Cartman made sure to point out, "He fucking adores you Kyle, he wouldn't dream of leaving you or cheating on you."

"I've said that I trust Stan," Kyle said, "I just…"

"You're slightly worried," Kenny finished.

"Maybe I just need to get fucked," Kyle laughed, but it sounded hollow, "I just really fucking love him."

"Maybe you should talk to him," Butters said, "He'd probably take some time out for you if he knew your concerns."

Kyle chewed the inside of his cheek, "Maybe."

"I know what that means," Kenny frowned, "Don't even think of waiting until the project is handed in, you'll be waiting two weeks for that."

"Why couldn't he have been paired with you? You share that class right?"

"I agree," Kenny nodded, "I'd actually let him spend some time with you."

Kyle sighed again, "I'll speak to him."

* * *

That plan went out of the window when Stan got home three hours later than he had originally said. Kyle was pretty pissed and he didn't turn his attention from his book. It was already ten and Kyle had a test the next day so he was going to sleep soon.

"Sorry I'm late back dude," Stan smiled sheepishly, "We have a lot of work to catch up on."

He waited for an answer that he didn't get, Kyle seemed to have just ignored him.

"Don't be like that," Stan frowned, "I've said I'm sorry."

Kyle placed his bookmark in the book and set it on the bedside table before lying down and rolling over so his back was to Stan.

"I know that I said we could do something together and that you were probably looking forward to it because it's been a while since we did anything, but you know that I'd much rather spend that time with you. I really love you Kyle, even if it hasn't felt like it recently, I love you more than anything."

He heard Kyle sigh and he smiled slightly, he could tell that he'd reached Kyle somewhat.

Stan stripped down to his T-shirt and boxers before climbing into bed and spooning his boyfriend.

"Is there something else bothering you?" Stan asked softly, "Other than the stuff between us?"

"I don't like Gary," Kyle admitted.

"Why not?"

"He clearly wants you to bone him," Kyle answered.

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose, "That's just a rumour Kyle."

"You don't keep using a computer that fails to save for six days in a row."

"So what? You think he's trying to keep me away from you?"

"Exactly," Kyle replied, "The guys agree with me as well."

"I'd never cheat on you."

"I don't think you've even thought of it."

"Then why are you so worried?"

"Because he's better than me in every way."

Stan's eyes softened and he rolled Kyle over to face him, "I don't want to hear you say that."

"Why not?"

"Because you're perfect," Stan said as he kissed him, "Gary doesn't have your ass."

Kyle chuckled, "That's fair enough."

"He also doesn't have the freckles I love to count, the green eyes I fucking adore. He doesn't love me like you do and he's nowhere near as passionate about stuff that you are. He doesn't know me like you do Kyle."

Kyle kissed Stan forcefully.

"Is this because he was higher than you in the list we helped the girls with?"

"No," White lies didn't hurt too much.

"You don't have to lie," Stan could always read him like a book.

"I'm sorry," Kyle mumbled.

"Don't worry, I'll bail on him tomorrow," Stan smiled, "I'm all yours tomorrow."

Kyle kissed Stan hard again.

* * *

Stan had held true to his word and had spent the whole day with Kyle the next day, even though he had the most time to work on the project on a Saturday. They were both a bit hazy, having just released particularly large loads in a display of love.

"You were right you know," Stan breathed as he pulled Kyle close.

"What do you mean?" Kyle asked.

"He did like me."

"What did you say to him?"

"I told that he didn't have a chance, I love you too much and I don't plan on letting you go."

Kyle smiled as he nuzzled his boyfriend's chest.

It was good to be back.


	44. Old-Fashioned

**Kyle turns to Sharon for advice.**

* * *

 **Characters: Kyle Broflovski, Sharon Marsh**

 **Kyle's surname is Marsh and he is 36. This is just a short chapter that I wrote as a joke.**

* * *

Old-Fashioned

"Oh, Kyle!" Sharon smiled as she answered the door, "What a pleasant surprise."

"Hi Mrs. Marsh," Kyle smiled back, no matter how many times she told him not to, he always referred to her as Mrs. Marsh, "I need some help."

"What's wrong?"

"Stan found the cooking channel," Kyle explained as he pushed his glasses back up his nose, "How did you end Randy's obsession with it?"

Randy was always Randy, Kyle, Stan and Sharon had all agreed that he didn't have the intelligence to warrant being called Mr. Marsh.

"I just gave him an old-fashioned."

"Really?"

Sharon nodded.

"That's it?"

Another nod.

"Here I thought that you did some huge thing! Okay then, thanks!"

Kyle basically ran out the door.

Sharon sighed, picking up her mug of coffee.

Kyle had better have practised with a Shake Weight first.

* * *

 **Kyle found out that he still had his magic touch that night.**


	45. Unexpected

**Stan and Sharon are in for a surprise.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Sharon Marsh, Randy Marsh**

 **Stan and Kyle are 16. My other projects are going on hold so I'll be writing new stuff for a little bit as well as the oneshots. On another note, I believe this is the 80th chapter of Dysfunctional.**

* * *

Unexpected

When Stan and Sharon got back from the supermarket, they weren't expecting to see Kyle and Randy laughing.

"You nearly had that," Randy said, "Let's try again."

Kyle nodded.

They both had guitars on their laps. Kyle had started to play the guitar after the whole Guitar Hero fiasco and he was actually really good, Stan loved to hear him play.

"What are you guys doing?" Sharon asked.

"I'm teaching Kyle how to play some songs," Randy explained.

"What song are you doing right now?" Stan sat down next to his boyfriend.

"Carry On Wayward Son," Kyle answered.

"Let's hear it," Sharon said.

Randy counted them in and they began playing. They were actually very good, Kyle made a few mistakes but they were rare.

"You guys are pretty good," Stan said.

"Well then," Randy smiled, "I think you've got that down, you just need a bit of practice."

Kyle smiled back, "Okay, thanks!"

* * *

"What the fuck did I just see?" Stan asked after they got up to his room.

"I was learning guitar from Randy," Kyle said nonchalantly as he packed away the guitar and equipment.

"You were getting along with him!"

Kyle looked at him, "I guess I did."

Kyle and Randy didn't usually get along whenever Randy was around. This stemmed from some rather lewd comments Randy made about the Jew at a town meeting.

"He apologised," Kyle shrugged.

"Oh, right."

"Besides, he did kind of make me out to be a sex god."

Stan laughed, "But he was saying about how I was obviously the man in the relationship."

"You do top a lot more often," Kyle grinned as he sat down next to his boyfriend, "But I'm the man in the relationship outside the bedroom, you're my bitch."

"Oh fuck you."

Kyle kissed Stan, "That's your job."


	46. Embarrassingly Drunk

**Kyle should keep his mouth shut if he's intoxicated.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Ethan and Jake Marsh (sons of Stanley Marsh and Kyle Broflovski), Wendy Testaburger**

 **Stan and Kyle are 35 (36 in the very last part), Ethan is 9 and Jake is 6. Kyle's surname is Marsh. I got the idea for this one after a PM conversation with LittleMissMuppet.**

Embarrassingly Drunk

"Thanks for looking after them," Stan smiled as he helped his husband through the door, "I'll put them to bed in a bit."

"It's no problem," Wendy replied, "Eric was at home so we were free."

"Thank you!" Kyle yelled as he fell over, descending into drunken giggles.

"How much did he drink?" Wendy asked.

"Too much," Stan sighed, "He can't resist sweet drinks."

Ethan was sitting on the couch and he walked over, staring at Kyle the whole time, "Dad? You okay?"

"C'mere," Kyle held his arms out, tilting his head back to look at his son.

Ethan walked over and knelt down, allowing Kyle to pull him into a hug.

"Do you want help dealing with the three of them?" Wendy asked.

Stan shook his head, "I'll be fine, Kyle's a really cuddly drunk. I shouldn't have too much of an issue."

"I'll have to be going then," Wendy said, "I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, see you later."

"Bye Wendy!" Kyle shouted, waving at her.

Jake walked in as Wendy left, he saw the hug his brother was getting and muscled in.

"C'mon boys," Stan said, "Dad needs to go to bed."

"No," Kyle shook his head, "Leave me with my buggy bears!"

Stan burst out laughing as Ethan's face went a dark scarlet.

"Let's get you to bed dude," Stan chuckled, "Your buggy bears can come up with you."

Kyle smiled, allowing Stan to lift him up.

"Just follow up and stay with him until he falls asleep," Stan said to his boys, "It shouldn't take long and I'll be there anyway."

"Is he gonna be sick?" Ethan asked, he'd seen Kyle throw up because he was drunk before.

"Go and grab a bucket," Stan frowned, "He might be sick, if he is you guys can go."

* * *

Kyle woke up with a pounding head, he pulled the covers over his head to stop the sunlight from getting into his eyes. Stan knew to leave the curtains open but he must have forgotten to leave them closed.

Speaking of Stan, he walked in as Kyle was waking up.

"You hungry?" Stan asked.

"A little," Kyle answered.

Stan walked over and gave Kyle a hug, "I'll go and tell your buggy bears that you're awake."

Kyle nodded as Stan walked out until the realisation hit him.

"My what?"

* * *

Stan didn't mention it again for three weeks, when he did it was when Jake was watching one of his kids' shows, Stan was sitting, watching it with him and Kyle was helping Ethan with his homework. On-screen, the main character was happily reunited with his parents.

"Your Dad's like that with his buggy bears," Stan remarked offhandedly.

Ethan and Jake started laughing whilst Kyle shot Stan a harsh glare. Stan smiled in response, knowing that he had found something to embarrass his husband with.

* * *

Of course he used it. Kyle was telling a story from when they had gone to Disney World with the kids that was funny at Stan's expense. Stan looked up and stared straight into Kyle's eyes.

"Buggy bears," He let the words rolled fluidly off his tongue.

And he became the only person who could say that they made Kyle speechless.


	47. Lunchtime Gossip

**Exactly what the title says.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, Craig Tucker, Clyde Donovan, Token Black, Tweek Tweak, Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens**

 **This chapter has a few different parts, the characters are 15 in the first, 16 in the second and seventeen in the rest.**

* * *

Lunchtime Gossip

"Did you hear the news?" Clyde asked as he sat down.

"About Stan and Kyle?" Craig replied, sounding bored, "Everyone's heard."

"I haven't," Tweek said, "What… GAH... happened?"

"They came out," Token explained, "Is it weird that I'm surprised."

"Yes," Craig said, "Everyone always says that they're as gay as two people can be without being gay. The reason for that is because they actually are gay as they've admitted today."

"It's really brave of them," Tweek said, "Even with the town becoming PC it isn't easy to do that."

"Especially with Kyle's mom," Clyde added.

Craig stood, "I think some talking to them is in order."

Token frowned, standing up to follow him, "Don't do what I think you're doing, Craig!"

Clyde and Tweek looked at each other before getting up to follow.

* * *

"Clyde just got into a fight with Jason," Kenny said as he took his seat with his friends.

"Why?" Butters asked.

"The pictures of Bebe," Kyle said from his position under Stan's arm, "Clyde's always had a thing for her."

"She should get with him," Stan agreed, "Clyde's too nice to do anything like that to her."

"He was getting his ass handed to him," Kenny said as Kyle stole some of Stan's fries.

"Clyde's not a fighter," Cartman shrugged, "Jason's already been in three and lost one."

"He should've shut up," Kyle said defensively.

"At least you hold the honour of being that one," Butters pointed out.

Kyle pondered this briefly before nodding in agreement.

"Craig's pretty pissed off," Kenny said.

"Jason is his cousin," Stan frowned, "Wouldn't you be pissed off."

"He's pissed off _at_ Jason," Kenny explained, "Everyone's talking up a possible Craig vs Jason."

"Craig won't fight him," Cartman said dismissively.

"I'd be surprised if he did," Kyle agreed, "Craig drops like a Jenga tower."

"Is he going to think that though?" Stan asked.

"Yeah," Butters added, "Eric still thinks he can beat Kyle up!"

"Shut up Butters!" Cartman yelled.

Kyle smirked, "Is that true Cartman?"

"Well… I… uh… I'm not really sure," Cartman stammered.

"Really, I think I could still take you out with one punch."

"Well I don't exactly want to fight my friend to prove it."

Kyle nodded and seemed to let the issue drop, only to start making chicken noises.

"Shut up Kahl!"

* * *

"Oh my god!" Bebe laughed, "Did you see Kyle at the weekend? He was singing again."

"Drunk?" Wendy asked.

Bebe nodded, "Clyde's parties are the best."

"Only because you get fucked afterward."

Bebe nodded afterward.

"Anyway, what did Kyle sing? Was it Fairytale of New York again?"

Bebe shook her head, "He did a perfect version of Harder Better Faster Stronger by Daft Punk, complete with robotic pitch changes. Then he went seamlessly into Around the World and through Get Lucky and Lose Yourself to Dance."

"He has some serious talent," Wendy laughed.

"I don't know how he's able to get his voice so high," Bebe giggled, "I wonder what he sounds like in bed."

"WHAT?"

The girls turned to see a completely stunned Kyle looking bewildered.

"Kyle!" Bebe smiled, "We were just talking about you!"

"I heard," Kyle's face became gradually more horrified as the two girls walked over to him.

"You must really like Daft Punk," Wendy smirked.

"They're my favourite artist," Kyle replied, sighing with relief when he saw Stan walking over.

"Hey Stan!" Bebe turned and smiled at him too, "Does Kyle go as high-pitched in bed as he did during his version of Harder Better Faster Stronger?"

Stan laughed as Kyle flushed a deep red.

"Don't you even think about answering," Kyle glared at his boyfriend.

Stan gave him the sweetest smile, "Only when I pound him _just_ right."

"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" Kyle bellowed, punching his boyfriend in the arm.

"Jewfucker actually," Stan replied as he started laughing again.

* * *

"Sooooo," Kenny sidled up to Token, "How was she?"

Token sighed, "You too? Everyone's been asking about it."

"Sorry," Kenny grinned, "But we've needed some drama in this school. Prissy rich-boy fucking the school slut provides ample amounts."

"Prissy?"

"Beside the point," Kenny waved dismissively, "How was she?"

"Like you'd expect a slut to be," Token replied huffily.

"That doesn't help, I've fucked most girls in this school but I haven't fucked her."

"She asked me to handcuff her to the bed," Token frowned, "Does that answer your question?"

Kenny's eyes lit up, "Yes, I need to tap that. I know that Wendy likes to handcuff people to the bed, it'll be nice to be on the other end of that."

"You fucked Wendy?"

Kenny nodded.

"Wendy Testaburger?"

Kenny nodded again.

"You _fucked_ her?"

"She was feeling lonely," Kenny shrugged, "Little Ken was happy to provide company."

Token recoiled and shuddered, "Too much information."

"You asked."

"True enough."

"What does Jason think about it?" Kenny asked.

"He doesn't care."

Kenny frowned, "I thought he'd be pissed that you banged his sister."

"She told me that he doesn't care. She did it in the bathroom once and he just waited outside for her to finish so he could piss."

Kenny nearly puked, "I don't think I'll tap that actually, that family is fucked up beyond belief."

"Red told me that it made her uncomfortable too."

"I'm not surprised!" Kenny shuddered, "That's fucking disgusting. Stan says that the very thought of his sister getting some disgusts him and that's also true for me."

"I know the explanation," Token sighed.

"What?"

"South Park."

Kenny nodded and accepted the explanation. It worked for most things around that town.


	48. Christmas with the Marshes

**Kyle's a lonely Jew.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Randy Marsh, Sharon Marsh, Shelly Marsh**

 **Stan is 15, Kyle is 14. This is the beginning of the Christmas Trilogy.**

* * *

Christmas with the Marshes

Kyle's hands were shoved in his pockets as he took steps down the street, singing his usual Christmas song under his breath.

As usual, he was a lonely Jew on Christmas.

Kyle sighed, on this day every year, he was invisible to everyone who didn't have the surname 'Broflovski'. Even if he was text someone to say 'Merry Christmas' he'd get nothing in return, he never knew whether they saw it. He understood that Christmas was a family time, but his friends could at least tell him to fuck off. Butters would ignore him, Cartman would ignore him, Kenny would ignore him, but it was obvious what hurt the most.

Stan would ignore him.

Considering that Stan 'loved him', shouldn't Kyle at least get a response to his own Christmas wishes that he sent even though he didn't celebrate the over-commercialised crap?

Any other time of the year, Kyle believed Stan when he said 'I love you'. If Stan was to tell him that now, he'd have his doubts. He wasn't expecting Stan to drop everything to be with him on one of the rare occasions his whole family was together, but couldn't he get a 'thanks'?

Kyle was shocked when he felt the tear run down his cheek, only Stan could reduce him to a snivelling pussy. As soon as he noticed the first tear, he couldn't stem the flow as more began to fall, years of this treatment had started take its toll. He continued to walk, it wasn't like anyone was out anyway.

"Are you okay?"

Kyle looked up and saw the very person people were celebrating.

Jesus Christ.

"I'm fine," Kyle frowned, "Happy Birthday by the way."

"You're the first person to say that to me for two thousand years," Jesus smiled, "Do you want some cake?"

"Why not?"

* * *

Jesus served Kyle a slice of cake and they sat in his living room (yes, Jesus had a house in South Park).

"You seem down Kyle," Jesus said.

"I guess you could say that," Kyle smiled sadly.

"Is it because your boyfriend's ignoring you?"

"How do you know that?" Kyle asked incredulously, "We've only told our best friends!"

"Are you forgetting who I am?"

"Oh, right. Yeah you're right."

"It's tough to be a Jew on Christmas," Jesus agreed.

"Uh… Jesus?"

"Yes, my son?"

"What's your stance on homosexuality? My boyfriend's catholic so…"

"I understand Kyle," Jesus laughed, "It wouldn't matter if it was a sin anyway, for your sins will be forgiven."

"I'm sure he knows that, but…"

"It's okay, personally, I don't care. I'm not sure what Dad thinks though."

"Thanks," Kyle nodded.

They ate their cake in silence for a while.

"No offence," Kyle said, "But I hate Christmas."

"I hate it too," Jesus shrugged, "No one remembers why we celebrate it."

"Thirteen fucking years that I've been ignored, the only time I wasn't was because I had a way to make my friends get their presents while I got my brother back. All because of my fucking heritage."

"It hurts doesn't it?"

Kyle nodded, "I just feel betrayed. 'I love you Kyle. You're the most important person in the world to me Kyle'. If I was then you could at least tell me to fuck off."

Jesus just nodded in understanding.

"Sorry to throw all my problems on you like this," Kyle frowned.

"It's okay," Jesus smiled as he stood, "People have been looking to me for guidance for centuries."

Jesus took Kyle's plate from him and he took the plates into the kitchen.

* * *

The phone rang through the Marsh household, Sharon was the one who answered.

"Hello?"

" _Hello Mrs. Marsh. Is Stanley there?_ "

"Who is this?"

" _It's Jesus._ "

"Hang on a sec," Sharon turned to shout into the living room, "Stanley!"

Stan walked in, he was wearing a Rudolph jumper that Sharon had knitted instead of his usual jacket, "What is it mom?"

"Jesus is on the phone for you."

Stan took the phone from his mother, "Hey Jesus, Happy Birthday."

" _Thank you Stanley_ ," Jesus said, " _I bet you're wondering why I called you._ "

"Kind of yeah."

" _There's a lonely Jew here who needs a hug._ "

"Lonely Jew?" It suddenly hit Stan, "Kyle?"

" _He's feeling pretty down right now, I think it's because he's being ignored by his boyfriend._ "

"You know about that?" Stan's voice suddenly went low, even though he was in an empty kitchen.

" _Who do you think I am?_ "

"Oh yeah. Kyle's with you?"

" _He was walking outside looking pretty upset, he's lonely and he feels invisible._ "

"Oh fuck, I forgot to call him this morning," Stan frowned, "I'll be right over."

* * *

Jesus put the phone down and walked back into the living room.

"Sorry about that, I needed to call Buddha."

Kyle just smiled at him, "How are the Super Best Friends?"

"They're fine. Didn't you and Stanley take that name for yourselves too?"

Kyle laughed, "Yeah, we did. I guess we were 'super' in a different way too. We call ourselves Super Best (Boy)Friends now."

"I guess I should have expected it."

Kyle smiled and leaned back in his seat, "Yeah, I wonder how many people called it."

"Judging by how close you two are, I know this because you killed me for him."

"Sorry about that."

"I told you to. Anyway, I would think a lot."

Kyle was about to speak when a knock on the door interrupted him.

"Excuse me," Jesus got up to answer the door, he opened it to reveal Stan, who looked like he'd run a marathon.

"Is he still here?" Stan panted.

"Just inside," Jesus stepped to the side to allow Stan past.

Stan immediately headed to the living room and locked eyes with his boyfriend.

"I'm so sorry Kyle," Stan breathed as he walked over to him.

"So I can be seen by people who aren't Jewish," Kyle replied bitterly.

Jesus thought it best to leave the two alone to sort themselves out, he instead went to have more cake.

"I meant to call you this morning," Stan gulped, "But I got woken by my dad and dragged downstairs and…"

"If you wanted me to leave you alone on Christmas, you could have at least told me."

"I really am sorry Kyle."

Kyle sighed, "It's just… this happens every year, you know? This is the second Christmas we've actually been together for and it's been the same as always. I'm only asking for a single text."

"I know," Stan took a seat next to his boyfriend, "And I'm sorry."

Kyle sighed, so Stan pulled him in for a kiss.

"Come and join us for Christmas," Stan said as they pulled apart.

"I… are you sure?"

"Yeah," Stan nodded, "I'll make up an excuse. I want to have my boyfriend with me."

"I don't think I'm ready for anyone else to know."

"They don't have to, to them you'll still be my Super Best Friend."

Kyle smiled, "I'd like that."

"I love you Kyle, always remember that."

"I love you too."

It was now that Jesus decided to walk in, he was greeted by the sight of the two teens with their tongues down each other's throats.

"C'mon," Stan whispered when they pulled apart, "Let's go."

Kyle nodded, he turned to Jesus, "Thanks, Happy Birthday."

"Yeah, Happy Birthday."

"Thank you my sons," Jesus smiled, "Now go and do whatever it is you were going to do."

* * *

The couple said good-bye before stepping out into the cold, it was then that Stan noticed the tracks that the earlier tears had left on Kyle's cheeks.

"Were you crying because of me?" Stan asked nervously.

"Not just you," Kyle admitted, "Being ignored by everybody every year hurts."

"Fuck, I'm sorry."

"Hey," Kyle smiled, "You at least planned to speak to me this morning, you may have forgotten, but it's something."

Stan pulled him into a passionate kiss in the middle of the street, again, no one was around anyway.

"I'm not forgetting again, you deserve so much better."

"Nice sweater by the way," Kyle chuckled, his eyes drawn to Rudolph's red nose which was made of a large red pompom.

"Thanks," Stan laughed, "Mom knitted it for me."

"She knits?" Kyle asked, Sharon didn't seem like the kind of person to knit.

"It's the first I heard of it too."

* * *

"You left quickly Stanley," Sharon said as the pair stepped into the Marsh residence, "Oh hello Kyle."

"His parents were… you know," Stan lied, "I thought I should save him from getting scarred for life."

"I hope it's not too much bother," Kyle added.

"Nonsense," Sharon nodded in understanding, "I probably would've done the same thing. Everyone's getting ready for Trivial Pursuit in the living room Stanley, why don't you and Kyle join in."

Stan led Kyle into the living room, where Randy and Shelly were sitting on the floor, setting up the board game.

"Jimbo and Ned left?" Stan asked as he took a seat.

"They had stuff to do," Randy explained, "Why's Kyle here?"

"Parents were getting it on."

Randy and Shelly both nodded in understanding.

"I take it Kyle's joining us for Trivial Pursuit?" Randy said.

"Probably," Stan shrugged, "If he does he'll win."

"Definitely not sucking his cock there Stan," Shelly snickered.

Kyle shot a quick glance at Stan, who shrugged coolly, "I'm just saying that he's fucking smart, that's common knowledge around here."

* * *

As Stan had predicted, Kyle won the game of Trivial Pursuit, his wide range of pointless knowledge finally coming in handy.

"We're going to go upstairs and try that new PS4 game I got," Stan said as the game was being put away, he grabbed Kyle's arm and dragged him up the stairs and to his room.

"What game did you…?"

Kyle was cut off by Stan lips on his own. Stan used his own body weight to pin Kyle up against the door and grabbed the back of his thighs, lifting him off the floor.

"Where'd that come from?" Kyle asked after Stan pulled away to take a breath.

"Do I need a reason to kiss my boyfriend?"

Stan pressed their lips back together and their tongues tangled. He wanted to take the Jew over to the bed but the risk of getting caught was too great, he forced himself to settle for the heavy kissing.

They were panting heavily when they parted and Kyle laid his face in the crook of Stan's neck.

"I think this is the first Christmas that I've actually enjoyed," Kyle admitted, "I usually hate this time of year."

"You won't anymore," Stan replied, "I swear it to you."


	49. Christmas with the Marshes (Part II)

**Kyle's first Christmas after moving in.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Randy Marsh, Sharon Marsh, Shelly Marsh, Jimbo Kern, Ned Gerblansky**

 **Stan is 16, Kyle is 15.**

* * *

Christmas with the Marshes (Part II)

"C'mon dude," Stan smiled widely, "Wake up."

Kyle groaned and rolled over, "Let me sleep."

"But it's Christmas."

"And I don't celebrate it."

"You do now that you live here!" Stan laughed, pulling on the covers and making his boyfriend fall out of bed.

"What the fuck asswipe?" Kyle yelled, "It isn't even seven!"

"You get up at seven to open presents," Stan explained, "That's how we've always done it."

Kyle shivered because of the sudden lack of warmth, " _At_ seven, not before it."

Kyle climbed back into bed and curled back up under the covers.

"Please Kyle," Stan whined, doing the puppy eyes to go along with it, "I want to cuddle with you downstairs."

* * *

Kyle could never resist the puppy eyes for long and soon he was curled up with Stan under a blanket on the couch, Shelly was on the opposite side of the couch and Sharon was dragging Randy out of bed.

"Aren't you too old to be scrambling out of bed for presents?" The Jew asked his boyfriend.

Stan laughed, "Probably, but it's tradition! We've always done it."

"So you don't want to get back to sleep?"

"Nope!"

"You don't want to go back up to bed and snuggle like a normal couple?"

"Nope!"

Kyle sighed, "Can I at least go and get my hat? You wanted to play with my hair last night and now my head's cold."

"I'll get it for you," Stan smiled, "That way you can't use it as an excuse to get back to bed."

Shelly laughed at Kyle's annoyed look, "Unlucky."

Kyle rolled his eyes, "I was actually going to get the presents Stan made me buy 'to get into the Christmas spirit'."

Shelly chuckled as she shook her head.

"Is he always like this?" Kyle asked.

Shelly nodded, "Stan loves Christmas. When he was younger I caught him singing Fairytale of New York into a hairbrush."

Kyle smiled, "I'd have definitely recorded that."

"I wish I had. It was at that moment I knew that Stan was gay, then you came along and started fucking him in the ass."

"Actually," Stan cut in and he placed Kyle's ushanka on his head, "I'm the one who fucks Kyle in the ass. An ass like that can't go un-fucked."

Kyle blushed, "Thanks for getting my hat, but I need my presents to give out."

Stan nodded and quickly ran back up the stairs to grab the bags that were full of presents that they had bought to give to other people.

"Someone doesn't like their sex life being talked about," Shelly snickered.

"It's almost like it's my fucking _sex life_ with your brother," Kyle deadpanned.

Stan quickly returned with the presents before lifting Kyle and plonking him back on his lap, "Miss me?"

"No," Kyle replied.

Stan laughed and kissed him deeply, "I know you did really."

"Did I?"

Shelly was making loud gagging sounds, "Can you guys be really fucking gay somewhere else?"

"Just 'cause you're jealous," Stan retorted.

"Shut up Turd."

"Winner, Stanley Marsh," Stan smiled.

"Don't rub it in you prick," Kyle nudged him with a grin.

"I know that you like my prick."

"I draw the line there," Shelly said.

* * *

Sharon finally managed to drag Randy down the stairs and soon presents were being handed out to everyone.

"No offense but I wasn't expecting you to get us presents Kyle," Sharon said, "I thought you'd still be in bed because you're Jewish and all."

"You still got me presents," Kyle shrugged.

"I didn't want you to feel left out."

"I got them as a thank you, you know for taking me in after the stuff with my ma."

Sharon smiled and pulled the Jew into a hug (Stan pouted at having Kyle pulled off his lap), "You didn't need to, I was just doing what any good-hearted person would do."

"It still means a lot, I was going to pay rent with the money I got from my job and you wouldn't take it. There's no way I can thank you enough for just letting me stay free of charge."

"I couldn't make the person who makes my son so happy pay to stay here."

Stan gradually stole his boyfriend back from his mother and nuzzled the crook of his neck, "Your mom doesn't know how stupid she is, she's got the most amazing person in the world as a son."

Kyle was wearing a wide smile, but Stan noticed his bottom lip quiver so he kissed him gently to stem the flow.

Randy was trying on his new T-shirt (it read _PC_ on it) and he nodded along with what Stan said, "Your father still cares about you and Ike still looks up to you."

Kyle smiled back, appreciating the fact that Randy wasn't his usual retarded self, "I know about Ike, he wouldn't leave me alone when I went back for Hanukkah."

* * *

Jimbo and Ned arrived at ten, holding bags of presents.

"So how's your relationship doin'?" Jimbo asked after the presents were dished out.

"Great," Stan smiled fondly, Kyle still hadn't been relinquished but the Jew was past caring, he was instead dozing peacefully, "Kyle's just so much fun to be around, we can just be us with more kissing and stuff."

"Well you know what they say," Ned said in his robotic voice, "Best friends make the best lovers."

Stan chuckled.

"I'm liking the sweater," Jimbo said.

"Thanks," Stan grinned, Sharon had knitted him another one because he had outgrown the other one, it was blue and had a Christmas tree design on it this time, the baubles were made of small, different-coloured pompoms. She had made Kyle a green one with a yellow Star of David, they were just wearing them over their pyjamas. The only ones dressed were Jimbo and Ned.

"Dinner's going to be ready in a little bit," Stan shook his boyfriend awake.

"I'm going to get dressed," Kyle yawned.

"Keep the sweater on," Stan called as Kyle walked up the stairs, "It looks good on you."

* * *

Kyle got dressed in stuff he would wear on a regular day, just replacing the jacket with his jumper. He turned his phone on and checked Facebook. He went to his friends list and wrote on one of their walls.

 _Happy Birthday!_

Kyle smiled, maybe now that he sent Jesus the timeline post other people would too.

He walked back downstairs as he heard Stan calling up to him, saying that dinner was being served. He took a seat next to his boyfriend as everyone started helping themselves to food.

"Remember to send Jesus a Happy Birthday message," He said.

Stan nodded, "I will do later, shouldn't you cut down on the pigs in blankets?"

"Shouldn't you know that I don't keep kosher?"

"Oh yeah, bacon pancakes."

Kyle grinned as they both chuckled.

* * *

After the yearly Marsh Trivial Pursuit game (which Kyle won, he was now two for two) and after Stan had sent Jesus a Facebook message they all sat down to watch a Christmas movie, Kyle had suggested Die Hard but for some reason everyone else said no.

Stan had decided to take Kyle up to bed at eleven, which was before everyone else, for obvious reasons. Stan rolled over to face his nude and content boyfriend.

"How was your first real Christmas?" Stan smiled, rubbing a circle on Kyle's hipbone.

"I really enjoyed it," Kyle smiled happily, "Merry Christmas Stan. I love you."

"Merry Christmas Ky, I love you too."


	50. Christmas with the Marshes (Part III)

**Christmas with the kids.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Ethan and Jake Marsh (Sons of Stanley Marsh and Kyle Broflovski)**

 **Stan is 36, Kyle is 35, Ethan is 9 and Jake is 6. Kyle's surname is Marsh.**

* * *

Christmas with the Marshes (Part III)

Kyle usually liked to sleep in on his days off.

But on Christmas, he loved nothing more than being shaken awake at seven in the morning to be greeted with his sons' excited faces.

"Merry Christmas boys," He smiled as he cuddled the boy on his legs close.

"C'mon Daddy," It happened to be Jake, "It's Christmas!"

"Go and wait outside the living room," Stan grinned from beside him, "We'll be down in a few minutes."

"Hurry up," Ethan said as he dragged his little brother out.

Stan and Kyle rolled over to face each other, meeting in a tender kiss.

"Merry Christmas dude," Stan smiled, giving Kyle a quick Eskimo kiss.

"Merry Christmas," Kyle replied as he reached for his phone to send his yearly Facebook message to Jesus, he hadn't forgotten once yet since he started. Stan grabbed his to do the same.

"I can't remember going this mental over Christmas," Stan said as he swung his legs out of bed and grabbed his pyjama bottoms that he owned but never wore while sleeping.

"It really looks like I missed out as a kid," Kyle yawned, "All I had was eight days of receiving dreidels, at least when we do Hanukkah we actually get them presents. My first Christmas was when I was fifteen with you, I used to loathe Christmas."

Stan looked slightly guilty for a split second before replacing the look with a smile, "I told you that you'd never hate it again."

* * *

Stan wrapped the covers from the bed around both of their shoulders and they walked down the stairs together to see Ethan with his arms folded and tapping his foot and Jake copying his movements, the sight brought a chuckle from Kyle, who remembered Ike doing the same thing.

Stan turned on the light to the living room and the boys charged inside and ran straight to the Christmas tree where the presents were. Stan and Kyle walked over to the couch and cuddled under the covers they brought with them, they would always wait for the boys to finish opening their presents before opening theirs.

Sparks however, was having a ball with the wrapping paper that was left on the floor.

"So much for using that next year," Kyle said.

Stan laughed and pressed a kiss to Kyle's cheek.

"I got the new Lego Star Wars Model!" Ethan yelled excitedly.

"We'll build that later," Kyle smiled at him. Even though Ethan was like a miniature clone of Stan, he loved Lego and Kyle would help him build it, in his room there were shelves just full of Lego models, Star Wars in particular. It was a good bonding activity for Kyle to do with his son.

They had gotten a video game console (whatever number the PlayStation was at these days) between them but Jake had also been excited by the possibilities of what the box could be.

"I can't believe that," Kyle shook his head.

"Hey dude," Stan looked at Kyle very seriously, "A box can be anything, it can be a spaceship, a submarine, a racing car, a tank, a…"

"I get the point Stan," Kyle laughed, unable to comprehend how Stan could keep a serious face through the whole exchange.

He must be spending way too much time with the kids.

That being said, he'd been having trouble looking for job until recently. Jimmy Valmer had started a local newspaper and Stan had an advice column, he didn't get paid much and he worked from home but it was just something to pass the time while the kids were at school instead of sitting around doing nothing, at least now he was actually earning money.

* * *

After the boys had opened all of their presents and had completely covered the living room in wrapping paper (Sparks was loving it by the way) Stan and Kyle went to retrieve their piles from under the tree. When setting them out the night before they would always put the present they were going to give their husband on their own pile and would give it last.

"No way dude!" Stan smiled, pulling the present he got from Kyle from the paper, it was a Denver Broncos shirt signed by a (very old at this point) John Elway. Kyle had recently had to operate on him and ended up saving his life, Elway had sent Kyle a package full of signed memorabilia without Kyle knowing and he had hidden it away after giving the boys something from it (two American footballs). Stan had said that he'd always wanted to own something signed by a professional athlete.

"Open yours," Stan was getting as giddy as the kids, "C'mon!"

Kyle laughed as he did so and revealed a photo album.

"You said about how you wanted a physical copy of them after we nearly lost them thanks to the computer crashing a couple of months ago," Stan explained as Kyle flicked through the album, it was full of photos of the family since Stan and Kyle were kids up to the present day with space for more to be added. All of the photos were on Kyle's laptop and some of them were framed around the house.

As soon as Kyle flicked past the last photo he launched himself towards his husband, catching his lips in a deep, passionate kiss.

"EEEEEEEEEWWWWW!" The boys yelled from the sofa.

"You always have to show me up asshole," Kyle gave Stan a playful swat but he was smiling, "Seriously though, that album has got to be one of the best things you've given me."

"Did you see what it read on the front?" Stan asked.

"The Marsh Family from the Very Start," Kyle recited, "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Stan smiled at him, holding an arm out as Kyle pulled him into a hug, "C'mere boys."

The boys both leapt up and ran to join in the hug and because Sparks was feeling left out, he ran to join in as well, forcing himself into the middle of the hug, in between everybody.

Kyle smiled as he pressed a quick kiss to Stan's lips. It had taken a lot of work to build the life they had, but it was all worth it for moments like this.


	51. After Basketball

**What happens after Kyle's basketball games?**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski**

 **Characters are 16, I guess this is a continuation of Exhaustion.**

* * *

After Basketball

Stan cringed at the purple swelling around Kyle's ankle as he rubbed the body wash over his boyfriend's chest, he pressed a kiss behind the redhead's ear as his hands moved over his torso.

Kyle was the captain of the school basketball team and he was the best player, despite his short stature and the team had just taken part in (in Kyle's words) the most frantic game they'd ever played in and they had eventually won.

Unfortunately, Kyle had rolled his ankle during the game and although he continued to play, he definitely wasn't running right. By the time Stan had met him outside the changing room, his ankle had swollen to the point where he couldn't fit his trainer on and he was hopping out to meet him. Stan was certain that Kyle had aggravated the injury by continuing.

Kyle was quiet and Stan had to check that he hadn't fallen asleep, his eyes were open, but his eyelids were heavy.

"How's your ankle?" Stan asked.

"Fucking hurts," Kyle replied, "It isn't as bad as before though."

Kyle's original plan was to have a shower, but Stan had persuaded him to have a bath and soak his foot in the hot water. Kyle had agreed because of the prospect of cuddles with his boyfriend.

Stan pressed his lips to Kyle's cheek softly, "I'm gonna get you an icepack when we get out, you just rest your ankle and I'll take care of you."

"I'll be fine," Kyle yawned.

"You probably will," Stan chuckled, "But I want to make sure that your foot gets better. Just let me look after you."

Kyle smiled at him, "Fine then."

Stan nodded, "You wanna get out? The water's getting cold."

Kyle nodded and allowed Stan to get up first, using him for support as he got out. He gingerly tried to put weight on his foot, hissing when he felt the sharp pain shoot through his ankle. Stan carefully guided him to the toilet and sat him down before handing him a towel and grabbing one for himself.

* * *

Kyle was dressed in his usual sleepwear when Stan carried him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. He laid him onto the bed and walked downstairs, returning with a cushion and a bag of ice. He set them down on the bed, lifting Kyle's foot gently and moving the cushion under it before laying it back down and setting the icepack on top, making Kyle gasp.

"You okay?" Stan asked.

"Yeah," Kyle answered, "Just cold."

"Well it is an icepack," Stan smirked.

"Shut up asshole," Kyle grinned, patting the space beside him, "And get up here with me."

Stan smiled and sat next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him close. Whenever one of them was sick or injured, the other would smother them in care and affection.

Stan turned on his PS4 and went to the Netflix app to select a film for them to watch as Kyle laid his head on Stan's shoulder.

"I might fall asleep during the film," Kyle admitted.

"Don't worry about it," Stan smiled, turning his head to face him.

Kyle pressed their lips together gently and gave Stan an Eskimo kiss after they pulled apart.

Stan smiled as Kyle settled back into his side and laying his head back on his shoulder, dinner would be ready soon, but Kyle wouldn't be going to get it. Stan was going to take care of any need Kyle had.


	52. Happy Jew Year's

**The boys reflect over their year.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch**

 **Stan, Butters and Cartman are 17, Kyle and Kenny are 16. I apologise for that pun in the title.**

* * *

Happy Jew Year's

Token had a party every New Year's Eve and he always invited everyone from their elementary school class on the condition that there would be no fighting (especially between Craig's group and Stan's group). The party was always loud and had a lot of booze but any music was turned off to watch the ball drop.

Stan and Kyle had decided to go out into the back garden to take a breather because the air was too hot and stuffy inside, they were sitting on the steps leading down from the patio and onto the grass, an arm wrapped around each other.

"Thirty minutes until the ball drops," Stan said.

"I don't care," Kyle replied, "We'll hear them inside counting down."

"True," Stan agreed, pulling Kyle onto his lap.

Kyle kissed his boyfriend gently.

"We've had a good year."

"Yeah we have," Kyle agreed, "Even when you sneezed when we were kissing."

Stan blushed with embarrassment, "I said I was sorry. At least I didn't get very drunk and sing a flawless, complete rendition of Fairytale of New York at a party in the middle of August."

"I can't believe that you uploaded that to YouTube under the title 'My Drunk Boyfriend'."

"At least it hasn't got as many views as the boyfriend tag video."

Kyle nodded and pulled Stan into another kiss.

They broke apart when they heard the back door open.

"Here's where you guys are," Kenny said, walking over and sitting down with Cartman and Butters.

"What're you fellas doing out here?" Butters asked.

"Just taking a breather," Stan explained.

"It is really fucking hot inside," Cartman agreed.

"We were just saying about how we've had a good year," Kyle said.

Kenny nodded, "The road trip was fucking awesome."

"Kyle got into a fight for me," Stan smiled with pride, "That's seriously fucking badass, he won too."

"I've had my fair share of fights with Kyle," Cartman laughed, "That right hook, it hurts to think about."

"I'm not going to dispute that," Kyle smirked.

"This year's been a good year because I've still got my boyfriend," Stan smiled fondly, "He makes every day an adventure."

Kenny and Cartman made loud gagging sounds as Kyle pulled Stan into another kiss, Butters knocked his knuckles together and blushed at the PDA beside him. Stan and Kyle weren't shy about kissing around their friends and the other were perfectly fine with it as long as they weren't constantly attached at the lips.

"What are you guys hoping for next year?" Kenny asked.

"To still be with Kyle at the end of it," Stan grinned.

"As much as I agree," Kyle laughed, "I know that you're just trying to piss the others off. Honestly, I think I just want to have a year that's relatively calm. I'm sick of having something happen to us all the time."

"I can agree with that," Kenny nodded, he wasn't going to say that he didn't want to die for the year, only Cartman would understand.

"I want Craig to leave me alone," Cartman sighed, "But we know that it won't happen."

"We'll keep him off you as best we can," Stan frowned, "He's been taking it too far."

"I just want us all to stay friends," Butters said, "I have so much fun with you guys and I want us to stay together."

"Yeah," Kyle agreed, "Butters has good point, being with you guys is always fun."

They all stood up as they heard everyone else counting down inside and began to count down with them. As soon as they countdown ended, Stan and Kyle met in their most passionate kiss of the night like the New Year's tradition for couples told them to. Their tongues slid past each other and their lips moved together as they kissed under the fireworks released around town.

The five of them were ready for a New Year and hopefully it would be as great as the last.


	53. The Effects of Bullying

**Something's wrong with Jake.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Ethan and Jake Marsh (sons of Stanley Marsh and Kyle Broflovski).**

 **Stan and Kyle are 43, Ethan's 17 and Jake's 14. Kyle's surname is Marsh.**

* * *

The Effects of Bullying

Stan looked up when he heard the door slam and fast footsteps go upstairs. He sighed and stood up, following them up.

He walked into Ethan's room, where his oldest son was ill and had stayed home from school.

"Was that Jake coming home?" He asked.

Ethan nodded, "I don't know what's up his ass though."

Stan and Kyle acknowledged that they had incredibly foul mouths and allowed their kids to swear when they became teenagers as long as they didn't do it when family was over or in public.

"How are you?"

"Much better," Ethan smiled.

Stan smiled back, nodded and left the room, entering Jake's after a short walk across the landing. Jake was lying back on his bed, staring up into the ceiling with a glum expression.

"You okay?" Stan asked as he sat on the bed.

"'M fine," Jake mumbled, his tone clearly indicating otherwise.

"You'd tell me if it wasn't?" Stan didn't believe him, but he didn't want to cause an argument.

"Sure Dad."

Stan frowned and stood, he'd have to tell Kyle about this. Maybe Jake really was fine, but he couldn't help but worry about his son. All he wanted was for his kids to be happy and he couldn't bear the thought of failing either of them in that regard, if he couldn't keep his kids happy, what could he do?

* * *

Stan was making dinner when Kyle got home.

"Hey dude," Kyle smiled as he wrapped his arms around his husband from behind and nuzzling between his shoulder blades.

"Hey," Stan returned the smile and met his husband for a kiss, "How was work?"

"Normal," Kyle shrugged, "What's for dinner?"

"Just some spaghetti bolognese," Stan replied, "I need to talk to you about something."

"What's wrong?"

"It's about Jake."

"What's going on Stan?" Kyle asked with a frown.

"He just seems really down and he has been for a while lately. He's usually down here reading or something but when I went upstairs to check on Ethan he was just lying on his bed doing nothing."

"He has been a bit down lately," Kyle agreed, "I'll go talk to him, how's Ethan?"

"He's better than this morning," Stan said, "He looked a lot less pale too."

"Good," Kyle said, pulling away from Stan, "I'll go and talk to Jake."

"Tell me if he says anything?"

"Of course."

* * *

Kyle knocked on the door to Jake's bedroom.

"Jake?" He said, "Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

Kyle furrowed his brow at Jake's tone as he walked in.

"Your dad's worried about you," Kyle explained as he walked over to the bed, where Jake was lying in the same position as when Stan checked on him before.

"I told him that I'm fine."

"But your mood is down in the dumps," Kyle shook his head, "We're your parents, you can tell us if something's wrong."

"I'm fine!" Jake sat up with a glare. Kyle remained calm, staring into the eyes he shared with the boy.

"Chill," Kyle said sternly, "We just want you to be okay, don't take whatever it is out on us."

Jake huffed and lay back down, rolling over so his back was to Kyle.

Kyle sighed loudly before turning to walk out, stopping at the doorway.

"Whatever it is that's bothering you," Kyle said quietly, "If you ever decide that you're ready to tell me or Ethan or your father, we'll listen. We'll do what we can to help."

* * *

Ethan had gone downstairs for dinner but he didn't have much of an appetite. Jake had already been excused.

"Ethan," Kyle said, "Can you do us a favour and keep an eye on Jake at school, something's clearly bothering him."

Ethan nodded, "Sure, I'll tell you if I see something."

"Do you wanna go back to bed?" Stan asked, "You look tired."

Ethan nodded and left the table, when he got back to his room, he saw Jake sitting on his bed.

"Hey," Jake mumbled.

"What's up?" Ethan asked.

"Some stuff has been happening," Jake said, not meeting his brother's eyes, "I need some advice."

"Tell Dad," Ethan said, "No matter what you think, you're still a kid Jake. Kids fuck up and they need their parents' help, it's a fact of life. They'll help Jake, I'll help."

Ethan could see tears coming to Jake's eyes and he sat next to him, pulling his younger brother in for a hug, "What's wrong? Tell me."

"It's pathetic," Jake sobbed.

"I don't care, tell me. I'll help you through this Jake but I can't help if you don't tell me."

Jake bolted up and out of the hug, "I need some time alone."

He ran out of the room and Ethan could hear the door to Jake's own room slam before letting out a loud sigh.

* * *

Stan had been unable to get a job since he started trying so he kept to his advice column in Jimmy Valmer's town newspaper. He was eating a sandwich for lunch as he typed up the advice for a recent question he received when he heard the front door burst open and the same quick footsteps up the stairs he'd been hearing for the past few weeks. He immediately stood up and followed them, entering Jake's room without knocking.

"You'd better have a good…"

Stan trailed off when he saw his son bawling into his pillow. He walked over and gathered the boy into a hug.

"What's wrong Jake?" Stan asked, sounding choked up himself, "I hate to see you like this. Tell me what's going on."

"I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT!" Jake screamed, going into near-hysterics.

"Okay, okay," Stan's voice was soft, "Take a deep breath and tell me what's going on."

Jake took a deep breath as instructed.

"The kids at school," Jake started, "They… make fun of me, all the time. They insult me and sometimes they punch me, but never in the view of Ethan so he never knows, so the teachers never know."

"Why?" Stan asked, pressing a kiss to his son's forehead like he would when Jake was a lot younger.

"Because I have two dads," Jake whispered, "They call me a fagling and punch me because I'm proud that I have you and Dad."

Stan finally let his tears fall as he nuzzled Jake's red curls, much more tameable than Kyle's but with a clear resemblance.

"I try to fight back, but they gang up on me and I just can't compete."

"We'll sort this," Stan said, "I'll call your father and we'll deal with this."

Jake nodded, his sobs now just sniffles, "I'm sorry I skipped."

"Don't worry about it. Stay here and do whatever the fuck you want, I'd have probably done the same thing."

Jake nodded as Stan went downstairs to grab his mobile, selecting Kyle's number and ringing it.

" _Hey dude,_ " Stan heard Kyle's cheerful voice through the phone, " _To what do I owe this honour?_ "

"Jake's skipped," Stan said, "Have you got any ops today?"

" _No,_ " Kyle replied, " _What the fuck is he doing now?_ "

"He's really upset," Stan sighed, "He's been getting bullied at school and it just… bubbled over I guess."

" _I'm on my way,_ " Kyle growled, his volatile temper already starting to light.

Kyle hung up and Stan went back upstairs to see Jake, the teen was setting up his PlayStation.

"Your father's on his way," Stan said, "He might not be happy with you skipping, but just tell him what you told me and you'll be okay."

Jake nodded, Stan walked in and gave him another hug. Jake allowed him to stay even as he booted up the game and even as Kyle walked in.

"What's going on?" Kyle voice was one of a man who was inches away from going on a rampage, even Stan was looking nervously at him.

"Calm down Kyle," Stan stood up and walked over to him.

Kyle took a deep breath and looked over to his son, his eyes much softer, "What's happened Jake?"

Jake pulled his knees to his chest, "Kids at school won't leave me alone."

"What are they doing?" Kyle asked, walking over to the bed and taking a seat next to his son.

"Call me names, gang up on me, punch me."

"Why?"

"I've got two dads. I've got two dads and I'm proud of it."

Kyle's voice reverted back to its temper-induced state, "Not this again. I've had to deal with this once before."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," Kyle replied, "Gay marriage was legalised nationwide when we were _sixteen_! You'd think that you wouldn't find these closed-minded cunts this often anymore."

Stan nodded with agreement.

Kyle stood up and went to Ethan's room. Ethan had taken up boxing and he had a punching bag in his room, Kyle lashed out at the bag with his fist, knocking it to the floor.

"Ethan can pick it up," He said upon re-entering the room and seeing the shocked looks on the two faces, he turned to Jake, "We'll sort it out, you go back to your PlayStation."

Kyle pulled his mobile out of his pocket.

"Customer service?" Stan asked, a smile creeping onto his face.

"Oh yeah," Kyle nodded.

Kyle walked downstairs to make the call. Stan grinned, Sparks II would probably be hiding under the kitchen table.

There was a brief quiet with just the sounds of Jake's games filling the room until they heard.

"HOW THE FUCK HAVE YOU MISSED IT? HE'S CLEARLY BEEN IN A BAD MOOD FOR A WHILE AND FOR NONE OF THE TEACHERS TO BAT AN EYELID IS PATHETIC! HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO PROTECT KIDS FROM BULLYING IF YOU DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO CHANGES IN BEHAVIOUR? TEENAGERS AREN'T GOING TO TELL ANYBODY ABOUT IT SO IT'S THE JOB OF THE TEACHERS TO FIND OUT WHAT CAUSES A SUDDEN CHANGE IN THE CHILD'S MOOD!"

Stan cracked up upon hearing his husband, it sounded like he was yelling down the phone from in the room with them.

"Can I play?" He asked his son.

Jake nodded and passed him a second controller.

Kyle entered the room looking very red-faced.

"Sorted," Kyle croaked, his voice hoarse, "They're checking CCTV and finding out who did it."

Jake looked up at him and nodded.

"But you're getting a detention tomorrow for skipping."

Jake frowned, "Alright."

"I got it down from a week."

"Thanks."

* * *

Ethan was late home that day and he went up to Jake's room first.

"They won't bother you again," Ethan said as he sat on the bed.

"What do you mean?" Jake asked.

"I saw what happened at lunch today. I met with them after school and made sure they wouldn't bother you again."

"What did you do?" Jake asked.

"Some of them might have some headaches tomorrow."

Jake laughed, "Thanks."

Ethan pulled his brother into a one-armed hug, "You'd do the same for me, I'm not letting them get away with harassing my brother."

"Yeah," Jake smiled, "Thanks anyway."

"You'll always be my little brother and I'll always love you, even when you're pissing me off. Besides I know that Dad was pretty protective of Uncle Ike."

Jake held up the controller that Stan had used earlier, "Wanna game?"

"Yeah sure," Ethan grinned, he'd just protected Jake, but now it was time to destroy him at his favourite game.


	54. Family Men

**Stan wants kids.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Bebe Stevens**

 **Characters are 25. Kyle's surname is Marsh.**

* * *

Family Men

"Can I talk to you about something?"

Kyle looked up to his husband, "Are you really asking whether you can talk to me?"

Stan smiled sheepishly as he picked up a slice of pizza, "I was thinking that maybe you and I can…"

Kyle sighed as Stan trailed off, "Why are you so nervous dude? It's only me, you know that you can tell me anything."

"I was thinking that we could maybe… start a family."

Kyle chewed on his slice thoughtfully, "I kinda assumed we'd do that at some point, there's no rush. My parents were in their thirties when I was born and we're in our mid-twenties."

"I know," Stan frowned, "I just kinda thought that since you're out of school…"

"Stan," Kyle cut him off, "I want to start a family too, but right now you don't even have a job. We need to be able to support the kid."

"We just need to do some number crunching," Stan faltered, "You have a good salary and I can get a job, I am looking for one."

"And then we'll have to pay for a sitter," Kyle rubbed his forehead in exasperation.

Stan cast his eyes down to the floor.

Kyle reached for Stan's hand with his own, "Hey, I want kids too. But Stan, we have to be realistic."

"I know," Stan bit his bottom lip, "I just… I guess I was getting ahead of myself."

Kyle kissed him and Stan returned the action.

"Eventually Stan," Kyle promised, "But we're not in a position to start a family right now.

Stan nodded, "I'm sorry. I…"

"Don't apologise," Kyle smiled at him, "I'm honoured that you want to start a family with me, but we've just moved back to South Park. Let's hold on a little while, okay?"

"Okay," Stan replied, he sounded rather downhearted, "We'll wait."

* * *

Stan brought the subject up again around two months later.

"We talked about this Stan," Kyle sighed in exasperation.

"I know," Stan shuffled guiltily.

"Could you not have waited until after I've just got in from work?"

"I'm sorry."

Kyle's eyes softened, "You really want kids don't you?"

Stan nodded.

Kyle smiled, "Well I'm fucking starving so I'll talk about it over dinner."

Stan had nearly finished making it anyway so it wasn't long.

"Okay," Kyle said through a mouthful of chicken tikka masala, "You really got me thinking when you first brought it up so I've done a little bit of searching around during my breaks."

"Really?" Stan's eyes lit up.

Kyle nodded, "Honestly, I'd prefer to get a surrogate. That way the kid will be at least one of ours."

"Okay cool," Stan grinned brightly, "Are we going to wait around for this or…"

"If you want to look for a surrogate, go right ahead," Kyle laughed, "You've swayed me."

Stan bounced giddily as he stood and walked to the other side of the table before lifting Kyle up as he hugged him and smothered his face in kisses.

"You're the best," Stan's voice showed his elation.

"Now all we need to do is find you a job," Kyle said as Stan set him back on his feet.

"I could be a stay-at-home dad," Stan replied, "We'll need someone to look after the kid."

Kyle frowned, "I don't know whether we'll be able to support the kid on just my salary."

"We can look into it," Stan decided, "If it isn't possible, I'll get a job. I'll get a job before the kid comes anyway to build up a bit of money beforehand."

"You've really thought this through," Kyle said.

"Obviously," Stan chuckled, "I'm not just going to decide I want kids if I don't think we're in a suitable financial state."

Kyle nodded, "Fair point."

"I'll look around for a surrogate when I'm not looking for a job," Stan grinned.

"Okay," Kyle pressed a kiss to Stan's lips, "I'll look too but I won't look around as much as I have been recently."

* * *

Although Kyle said that, he was the one who had been talking with Bebe. He'd casually brought up the subject in conversation over Facebook and Bebe had said the she needed money and Stan and Kyle were going to pay whoever decided to be the surrogate.

That's why they were going to Tweek Bros to meet her and talk about the arrangement. They spotted her in a booth so they walked over and sat down opposite.

"Hey Bebe," Kyle waved.

Bebe waved back with a smile.

"You said that…" Stan tried to breach the subject but he wasn't sure how, "You said that you'd…"

"You said that you'd let one of us cum in a cup and use it to knock you up," Kyle rolled his eyes at Stan's hesitance.

Bebe laughed at the couple's antics and she took a sip from the drink in front of her.

"I'd be willing to help you guys out," Bebe said, "Kyle told me about how you guys were willing to pay me if I choose to be to your surrogate."

Stan's eyes lit up and a wide smile emerged on his face, "Really?"

Kyle laughed at Stan's reaction, reaching a hand to squeeze his shoulder affectionately, "Stan's really excited to have someone to talk to about actually doing this, he's wanted to for a while."

Bebe nodded, "I want to help my friends out and I need the money, there's no real reason for me to not do this."

"But you're sure it's okay for us to get you pregnant?" Kyle asked.

Bebe nodded again, "I don't have a boyfriend or anything, I've had to move back in with my parents because I don't have enough money to move out after college."

"You could stay with us while you're pregnant," Stan said, "If you decide to do this."

"That's not a bad idea," Kyle agreed, "If you're having our kid, we should help you out with the pregnancy."

"Better than having my mom yell at me to get a job," Bebe smiled, "I'll do it."

Stan was bouncing in his seat with excitement by this point.

"We'll sort out the money stuff this week," Kyle smiled at his husband, "Or we could give it to you when you move in with us."

"Just do that," Bebe said, "It's easier."

"Cool," Kyle chuckled as Stan hugged Bebe in thanks, "We'll sort all that out then."

* * *

When Stan and Kyle got back home, Stan pulled Kyle into a tight hug.

"I can't believe you sorted this," Stan smiled brightly, "You were the one saying that we'd have to wait."

"Well you've gotten me excited for this," Kyle grinned as Stan kissed him, "So it's your fault."

"I'll accept the blame for this then," Stan laughed.


	55. Family Men (Part II)

**Kyle's nervous about becoming a father.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Bebe Stevens, Sharon Marsh, Randy Marsh, Sheila Broflovski, Gerald Broflovski**

 **Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny are 26, Kyle's surname is Marsh.**

* * *

Family Men (Part II)

"Why don't you sit down Kyle?" Gerald asked, "You've been pacing for half an hour."

Kyle stopped and looked over to his father before sitting heavily in the seat next to him. He looked over to the door the room he should be in, where Stan was seeing the birth of their first child. Kyle hadn't been allowed in because there was only one person allowed in with Bebe and Stan was the biological father.

"Nervous?"

Kyle nodded, very soon there would be a young, defenceless human in his care, with their life in his hands.

They knew that the child was going to be a boy and they had been discussing names when Bebe had suggested the one they both liked.

"I was nervous when you were being born," Gerald smiled knowingly, "But I'll always remember the moment when I heard that first little cry from you and when I first got to hold you. It only feels like yesterday and now, you're having kids of your own."

"What name are you guys giving it?" Cartman asked, he had come down from wherever he was staying (he was being very secretive about it) to be there for his friends.

"Ethan," Kyle answered.

"That's a nice name," Sheila smiled.

"What about middle names?" Randy asked.

"We decided to just use Stan's," Kyle explained, "If we have another kid and it's a boy we'll use mine."

"You want to be in there," Kenny said.

"No shit Sherlock," Kyle frowned.

"You'll get through it," Kenny shrugged, "We all know that Stan's gonna drag you in there as soon as Bebe pops the kid out."

Kenny hadn't known that his kids had been born until they were left on the doorstep to the flat he shared with Stan, Kyle and Cartman. At least Kyle was just outside the room.

Kyle took his hat off and ran a hand through his hair before replacing the hat on his head, it had been there for a while and he hadn't received any news. It definitely didn't help that it was pretty late as well. Kyle was exhausted now but he refused to go to sleep at such an important time, Stan could come out of those doors at any minute and tell him that his child was waiting for him.

He chuckled. If you'd have told him that he was going to have kids with Stan back when he was ten years old, he'd have laughed in your face. Now it was actually happening and he was excited and terrified at the same time.

He felt a nudge on his shoulder and he looked up to see Sharon holding out a cup of coffee to him. He accepted it and nodded with thanks.

"You okay?" Sharon asked.

Kyle nodded.

She smiled at him, "No one becomes a parent without being scared about it. No one knows what they're doing. You'll learn and you'll get the hang of it."

"Thanks," Kyle said, taking a long gulp of the coffee even though he didn't like the drink, "I needed to hear that."

Sharon was about to reply but the door to the room where the baby was being born opened and Stan stepped out.

"C'mon Kyle," Stan had a wide smile on his face and he also looked exhausted.

Kyle leapt to his feet and walked over to his husband, who connected their hands as he led them in.

The child was in Bebe's arms and there was a small smattering of black hair on his head.

Kyle was just standing there with a dumb look on his face.

"Are you going to come over here and see him or not?" Bebe smirked.

Stan pushed his husband over there from behind until they were both beside the bed. Bebe held the baby up and Stan gently took him from her.

"So this is Ethan?" Kyle said softly.

Bebe nodded at him and he gave her a quick hug.

"I'm not sure how many times we've said this," He said, "Thank you for doing this."

Bebe smiled at him, "Don't worry about that, go and hold your son."

Kyle laughed and walked back over to Stan. Stan handed Ethan over to him and kissed his cheek.

"Do you think we did a good job?" Stan chuckled.

Ethan's eyelids opened and revealed the eyes of the man Kyle loved so much.

"I didn't think it was possible to have another love of my life," Kyle whispered, he pressed a gentle kiss to the boy's forehead.

"I've never seen you so gentle," Stan smiled.

Kyle didn't seem to be listening. But Stan could see the faint blush that surfaced on his face, he walked over and turned the Jew's head to kiss him deeply.

* * *

Bebe had moved into her own place after a week but Stan and Kyle had promised to let her have a part in the child's life if she wanted.

Stan pulled Kyle into a tight hug after they put Ethan to bed.

"I've been dreaming of this since we got married," Stan said.

"Now all we need is a picket fence and a dog," Kyle laughed.

Stan laughed with him, it was good to feel like this, to have a kid and still be just them.

"Actually doing this with you," Stan smiled at him, "It's just made me love you more."

"Me too," Kyle grinned, he pressed their lips together and kissed him deeply. He couldn't quite fathom how his life could get any better.


	56. Family Men (Part III)

**Stan and Ethan are waiting at the hospital and Ethan is bored.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Bebe Stevens, Ethan and Jake Marsh (sons of Stanley Marsh and Kyle Broflovski)**

 **Stan and Kyle are 29, Ethan is 3. Kyle's surname is Marsh.**

* * *

Family Men (Part III)

Stan pulled his restless son into his lap and sighed.

"Calm down Ethan," He muttered, not really paying too much attention and sympathising with the restless toddler. He was restless too, but for different reasons.

Ethan was restless because he was three years old and he couldn't sit still for long, he seemed to have boundless energy and was constantly running around, Stan sometimes wondered how he could keep up all day. Ethan always wanted to play and Stan loved to stay at home and take care of him, it was fun and sometimes Stan felt like a kid again when Ethan wanted to play with him.

"I'm bored," Ethan whined.

Stan pressed a kiss to his forehead, "I'm sorry bud, we needed to leave quickly."

"Is mom okay?" Ethan asked.

Even though Bebe had originally planned to just have the kid for Stan and Kyle and then continue with her life, she had moved in with them again while she was pregnant with their second child and they hadn't lied to Ethan about who his mother was. Even with that Ethan acted like she was just one of his daddies' best friends, a lot like Kenny (except Kenny sometimes brought him stuff when he visited so that made him cooler).

"She's fine," Stan smiled, "She's just bringing your little brother into the world."

"Then where's Daddy?"

"Helping her," Stan chuckled at Ethan's curiosity and briefly wondered whether he was like that when he was a kid before decided Kyle was probably more curious since he had always wanted to learn something new (unless it involved homosexual relationships, Stan had wanted to learn about that).

"That's nice of him," Ethan nodded.

"It was," Stan agreed in the way an adult would with their young child to placate them.

"Do I have to have a brother?" Ethan asked.

Stan has been worried that this question would come up, Ethan had been very quiet about the whole subject ever since he had been told that he would be getting a baby brother.

"Yeah," Stan nodded, "Why? I always wanted a baby brother when I was a kid, I asked for one for Christmas."

"He'll take you and Daddy away and you'll forget about me."

Stan lifted Ethan so that he was standing in his lap.

"I could never forget about you," he said very seriously, Ethan had sounded upset but he wasn't crying yet, "Who would be my little Ethan? The boy who I play with every day?"

Ethan fell into his father's chest and hugged him, "I love you Daddy."

"I love you too," Stan smiled, glad to have that obstacle over with, "I know that your Daddy does too, he'd never forget about you. He loves seeing you when he gets home from work, it makes him happy to see you."

Ethan giggled, he liked making other people happy.

Stan pressed a kiss to his son's head, "You always make us happy and we'd probably never be happy again if we didn't have you."

Ethan brought his hands to his father's cheeks and moved his cheeks into squeeze his mouth, laughing as he did so. That in turn made Stan laugh, simply because he loved seeing the boy smile.

"We've been sitting for sooooooo long," Ethan whined.

"I know," Stan sighed, "Hopefully it won't be much longer."

Ethan had actually been the one to suggest the name for the new baby. They had already decided that if it was a boy that they would give the baby Kyle's name as a middle name but they had trouble deciding on a first name. Ethan had randomly suggested the name of a character from one of his shows and both Stan and Kyle had liked the name.

Stan smiled as he thought about telling Jake how he got his name when he was a bit older, he wondered whether the boy would care.

* * *

Kyle walked out of the delivery room with a wide smile.

"Come on," He beckoned excitedly, "I think it's time for Ethan to meet his brother."

Stan stood and held his hand out to his son, Ethan took it and allowed his father to lead him over to the doorway.

"You'll have to be quiet," Stan said, "The baby won't like loud noises."

Kyle walked over to the bed where Bebe was and collected the child from her.

Stan lifted Ethan so that he could see the baby. The boy leaned over to see his new brother.

"This is Jake," Kyle grinned, "I think he wants to meet you."

Ethan waved nervously at the baby held in front of him.

"You've got a very important job now," Kyle said, "Jake's very little and he's going to need a lot of looking after. He's going to need you to help look after him and make sure he's happy, he's going to need his big brother. Can you be the best big brother ever?"

Ethan smiled and nodded before looking back at the baby.

"He's cute," He said softly.

"He is," Stan agreed, "You were when you were a baby."

"I was this little once?" Ethan looked between his dads.

Kyle laughed, "Yeah you were."

Both of them decided not to mention that Ethan cried whenever he opened his eyes and that Kyle had been sent home from work quite a few times because he was simply too tired to operate.

* * *

"C'mon Ethan," Kyle yawned, "It's time for bed."

Ethan was sat beside Jake's cot, "I'm looking after Jake."

"Jake's asleep bud," Kyle smiled, "And you need to sleep too."

"I need to look after Jake," Ethan said, finishing with a yawn.

Kyle laughed, walking into the room and picking the boy up, "You need to sleep so that you're able to look after him, Daddy and I'll look after him for the night so that you can sleep."

Ethan yawned as Kyle laid him in his bed and gave him his teddy bear, a green one called Minty.

"Night Daddy," Ethan mumbled, "I love you."

"I love you too," Kyle kissed his son's forehead, "Night bud."

Kyle could hear soft snores as he turned off the light on the way out.


	57. Mornings

**Sharon's usually the first to wake up.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Sharon Marsh, Shelly Marsh**

 **Stan and Kyle are 17.**

* * *

Mornings

Sharon wasn't expecting to see the DVD menu for Kingsman playing on the TV when she got downstairs. She turned to the couch and saw her son burrowed under a blanket with his boyfriend laid on top of him, the Jew's face in the crook of his neck and both of them snoring like freight trains.

Sharon smiled, the sight was actually quite cute and it reminded her of when the two were younger and were usually found cuddled together in the mornings after sleepovers. In hindsight, she really should have seen their relationship coming, it was a natural evolution of their friendship.

She walked over and gently shook her son, he opened the sapphire eyes that he shared with her slowly.

"Morning," Sharon said softly, knowing that Kyle would much prefer Stan to wake him.

"Morning," Stan replied, removing an arm from around his boyfriend to rub his eyes.

"You guys want some toast?" Sharon asked, "You guys can sleep in but you'll have to go upstairs, Shelly's having someone over soon."

Stan nodded, "We'll take some toast up with us."

He shifted slightly, causing the Jew to stir.

"Hey dude," Stan smiled warmly, an action his boyfriend returned.

"Hey," Kyle replied sleepily, rubbing his bleary green eyes.

Sharon had the decency to turn away as they met for a tender kiss.

"We're gonna have to go upstairs in a little bit," Stan informed the redhead, "We can go back to sleep if you want, we can do whatever you want."

"Let's just cuddle then," Kyle replied.

Sharon turned back round so she could walk to the kitchen and saw them rubbing noses. She shook her head with a smile, they were having one of those days where only the other mattered and those days were pretty common.

Stan followed her a few moments later to collect the toast, she watched him walk out and pass the plate to Kyle before lifting him bridal-style. Sharon chuckled when she saw the dark blush across Kyle's cheeks.

"I'm perfectly capable of walking up some stairs Stan," He said.

"I know," Stan answered happily, "But I want to carry you."

Sharon shook her head, those two were so sweet they were going to give her diabetes.

* * *

Shelly was downstairs shortly after.

"Those two…" She said.

"I know," Sharon replied, pouring herself a mug of coffee.

"They were feeding each other slices of toast."

"Sounds like them," Sharon laughed.

Shelly walked over to fridge to grab the milk she needed to make some cereal.

"They're going to stay upstairs," Sharon told her.

Shelly snorted, "We'll probably still need earplugs."

* * *

As it turned out, Stan and Kyle had a movie on and were bundled up together in bed, Kyle's head on his boyfriend's shoulder and Stan's arm wrapped around his waist..

"I wish we could have a couch day," Kyle said.

"We basically are," Stan replied, "Just in bed, we're having a bed day."

"I thought that was what we called days where we just fuck all day."

"Oh yeah," Stan furrowed his brow with thought, "A bed day but with cuddling instead of sex?"

Kyle's laugh never failed to put a smile on Stan's face, "Let's go with that."

Stan ever-so-slightly tightened his hold on his boyfriend, enjoying the time they had before he had to go into overprotective brother mode on Shelly's boyfriend.


	58. Apart

**Kyle's on a school trip.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, Sharon Marsh**

 **Characters are 17.**

* * *

Apart

"Can you stop being such a downer?" Cartman frowned.

Stan looked up from his half-eaten burger.

"Sorry," He sighed, resting his head on his hand.

"Jesus Christ Stan!" Cartman slammed his hand on the table, fed up with Stan's perpetually bad mood.

"Lay off him," Kenny shook his head, "Wouldn't you be like this in his situation?"

Cartman huffed, "I wouldn't be so obvious about it."

"I said I'm sorry," Stan said, "I just really miss him."

"He's been gone for two days."

"Stan literally spends every day and basically every minute with him," Kenny reasoned, "Suddenly being apart from such a huge part of his life will be jarring."

"Thanks Ken," Stan gave him a small smile.

"It's okay," Kenny grinned, "I just understand is all."

* * *

Kyle wasn't taking it much better, he was lying on his bed in the room he was sharing with Butters.

"Are you okay Kyle?" Butters asked, his tone carrying a note of concern.

Kyle nodded, a loud sigh escaping him.

"Missing Stan?"

"How can you tell?" Kyle asked sarcastically.

"You seem really down," Butters explained, seemingly not to understand the tone laced in Kyle's words, "You were okay before we left."

Kyle and Butters were on a trip with school to New York with other AP students. The trip was for an assortment of workshops and they were going to see a play that night.

"I'm really missing Stan Butters," Kyle said, "I never actually wanted to be here."

"Aw shucks, I'm sorry Kyle."

"It's nothing against you," Kyle quickly added, "I just wanna be at home with the guys. You're awesome."

"Well thanks Kyle," Butters smiled.

"I'll be FaceTiming Stan tonight," Kyle said.

"I'll go find something to do then."

Kyle gave Butters a small smile.

"Thanks," He said.

* * *

Butters went down to the hotel sports area so that Kyle could grab his iPad from his bag and call Stan on FaceTime.

"Hey dude," Stan grinned when his face appeared on Kyle's iPad.

"Hey," Kyle smiled.

"I've missed you so much," Stan said.

"Me too," Kyle replied, he noticed Stan look at something off screen, "What're you doing?"

"Pokémon," Stan answered, "Wanna match?"

Kyle reached over to the bedside table to grab his 3DS, "You bet, I'll just beat you like I always do."

"I'll win this time."

Kyle laughed, "How've things been with you guys?"

"Boring, it's no fun without you here."

"You're giving me too much credit," Kyle said.

"I'm really not," Stan's fondness showed in his voice, "You make everything amazing and everything's dull without you."

Kyle's cheeks took on a faint pink tint, "I wish I was there with you. I never wanted to be here and it's so boring."

Stan chuckled as Kyle's in-game avatar sent out Noivern and Stan's sent out Gliscor, "I can't wait until you get home."

Kyle sighed loudly, "Don't remind me."

Stan furrowed his brow, "You okay?"

"I just miss you a lot more than I thought I would," Kyle admitted.

"I never thought it'd be this bad," Stan agreed, "When you get home, we are spending that weekend together with no interruptions."

"You shouldn't have told me that," The redhead whined, "It's bad enough as it is!"

Stan laughed, "Well then I've given you something to look forward to."

"The hardest thing about this is that I can see you, I can talk to you, but I can't touch you. Right now I want to cuddle with you so badly but I can't."

"I know what you mean."

Stan's attention briefly left his boyfriend, he sighed with exasperation.

"Mom's asking me to take the garbage out," He frowned, "I'm gonna have to go."

Stan's heart ached as he saw Kyle's face fall.

"I'm really sorry."

"It's not your fault," Kyle sighed, "I love you, a lot."

"I love you too, a lot," Stan replied, "We'll be together soon Ky."

Kyle hung up the call as he defeated the last of Stan's Pokémon. He shut his 3DS and lay back, sighing deeply again.

Only Stan could ever make him feel this way.

* * *

He was in the same position when Butters returned an hour later.

"Are you okay Kyle?" He asked

"I'm fine Butters."

"You just look real down is all."

"I am real down and I know everyone thinks that I'm just being a drama queen but… they don't know what Stan's done for me, how much he truly means to me."

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you're a drama queen."

Kyle gave a hollow laugh, "Thanks Butters, I mean it."

Butters smiled, "I'm gonna get in the shower, it's ten-thirty."

"I'll get in after you then."

* * *

"Hello boys," Sharon said as Kenny and Cartman knocked on the door of the Marsh household, "Stanley's upstairs, he might still be in bed."

Kenny nodded and led the way upstairs, pulling his hood down to press his ear to Stan's bedroom door. As soon as he heard the loud rumble of Stan's snoring, he opened the door.

"Notice something?" He asked Cartman as the larger teen caught up.

"He's spooning his pillow," Cartman answered.

"It's where Kyle would be. He's also only taking up half the bed."

Cartman shook his head, "He has it bad."

"He sure does," Kenny sighed, "Let's leave him, he probably took ages to get to sleep last night."

Cartman nodded, leading the way out as Kenny quietly shut the door behind himself.

* * *

When Butters woke up in the morning, he noticed Kyle doing the same thing, hugging his pillow and only taking up one half of the bed.

What he didn't know was that Kyle took up the opposite side of the bed to Stan, both of them being so used to having the other there.

* * *

Stan waited by his car as the bus pulled into the school car park, he tried to catch a glimpse of his boyfriend through the window but he was probably on the other side.

Stan couldn't wait to see him again.

The doors to the bus opened and the students filtered out, Stan kept his eyes locked on the door, his face breaking into a smile when he saw the familiar green ushanka.

Kyle grabbed his suitcase and ran over to his boyfriend, dropping the case as he vaulted into Stan's arms and met his lips for a passionate kiss.

They kissed like addicts finally getting their fix, tongues tangling and hands roaming until they finally pulled apart.

"I missed you so much!" Kyle laughed because of his sheer joy, throwing his arms around his boyfriend, who he noticed had begun shaking.

Stan lifted Kyle and buried his face in the Jew's neck his body shaking with sobs, "I'm so glad you're home."

Kyle chuckled, "You overdramatic fuck."

Stan snickered, "Says the one who looked heartbroken when I had to leave the FaceTime call."

Kyle rolled his eyes, an action Stan had missed deeply, "Shut up."

* * *

"We're the only ones here you know?" Kyle murmured against Stan's bare chest as they cuddled in the backseat, Stan's dick still inside his boyfriend.

"I know," Stan answered with a chuckle, "But I couldn't wait any longer."

"It felt so good to be back with you," Kyle said.

"I never want to be apart again."

Kyle couldn't agree more.

* * *

 **I wonder if you guys can guess what rewrite has been alluded to in this one.**


	59. Kyle's 16th Birthday

**It's Kyle's birthday.**

* * *

 **Characters: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, Leopold 'Butters' Stotch, Bebe Stevens, Sharon Marsh, Ike Broflovski, Gerald Broflovski**

 **Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and Butters are 16.**

 **My writing skills are a bit rusty.**

* * *

Kyle's 16th Birthday

Stan smiled as he checked the clock, he'd made sure to get up extra early because of the day.

May 26th, normal for most people, but not for Stan or his friends. It was Kyle's birthday, he was the youngest out of their group and he was finally turning sixteen.

Stan was humming happily as he made Kyle breakfast. Kyle didn't keep kosher and would eat anything he enjoyed eating, that meant Stan could make bacon for him, which was good because he was making Kyle a cooked breakfast in bed and taking his present up with him.

"You're up early," Sharon said as she came into the kitchen, it was quite a sight to see Stan wearing an old T-shirt, boxers, a pink frilly apron and actually cooking.

"Kyle's birthday," Stan answered, "I'm making him breakfast in bed."

"I'm sure he'll like that."

Stan smiled but blushed as he got ready to ask his next question, "Have you got any plans tonight?"

"Yes, you said that you were having some friends over tonight and I'm almost certain that I know what you're going to do afterwards," Stan's blush deepened, "So I made plans with some of the other moms and I've got a hotel room for the night."

"Oh, okay," Stan didn't exactly think he could look her in the eye.

"I'll be leaving at around five."

"We're meeting Cartman, Kenny and Butters at Shakey's for lunch, then we're going to Stark's for a little bit, they'll be round at about three. Everyone else is coming at seven."

Stan loaded a tray with the breakfast and put his present in a space on the tray before taking it upstairs, into his room, which he had been sharing with Kyle for nearly a year. Kyle was still sleeping soundly with a trail of drool leaking from the corner of his slightly open mouth. He groaned upon nudged awake, rolling over and curling up into a tight ball.

"C'mon dude," Stan chuckled, "I've got breakfast."

"I wanna sleep," Kyle whined.

"So, I guess you don't want this birthday breakfast I cooked for you then."

Kyle rolled back over to face him and saw Stan smiling with a tray in his hands. He smiled back and sat up, allowing Stan to lay the tray on his legs.

"You really didn't have to," Kyle grinned as Stan took a seat next to him.

"I know, but I wanted to," Stan laughed, "Happy Birthday dude."

Kyle pulled Stan into a kiss which Stan returned.

"As much as I would love to keep kissing you," Stan smiled as they pulled away, "Your breakfast's going to get cold."

Kyle ate his breakfast quickly (with Stan stealing some bacon and a slice of toast from him) so that he could resume his kissing session with Stan.

"Dude," Stan laughed after they pulled apart again, "You need to open your present."

Kyle looked at the green-wrapped present on the tray and he opened it eagerly. Stan hadn't got Kyle anything new because he had trouble thinking of something, but he had taken something of Kyle's to get repaired. When Kyle had turned twelve Stan had gotten Kyle a chain with a Star of David dangling from it which he could fit his matching cross into for a 'Super Best Friends forever' symbolism (and a look into their sex life as Kenny had said). Even though he never wore it, Kyle had always cherished it and kept it in his wallet. The chain had broken and the star had cracked when Kyle had lost his wallet and subsequently stood on it.

"You actually got this repaired," Kyle was smiling brightly.

"You were devastated when it broke," Stan replied, "The cross wouldn't fit anymore, that completely defeats the point."

"Dude, this is fucking awesome."

"And, I've got another present lined up for tonight."

Kyle laughed, "Can I get a hint."

Stan seemed to think for a second, "You're going to have the night of your life."

Kyle grinned and nuzzled Stan's neck, "Can't wait."

"Your dad and Ike are coming over to see you in about thirty minutes," Stan said, "So don't get too comfy, you'll have to get up soon."

"I can have ten minutes."

Stan smiled as Kyle nestled himself in his arms and laid his head on the quarterback's shoulder. Kyle had said ten minutes but they only cuddled for five. Kyle had gotten up for a shower but he didn't let Stan join him, claiming that if Stan had joined him, they'd just end up having sex and with Kyle's brother and father coming over in a short while, they wouldn't have enough time.

* * *

Ike ran in as soon as Sharon opened the door to the other two male Broflovskis, he bounded over to his older brother and tackled him, actually toppling him as the Canadian wrapped his arms around Kyle.

"Jesus Christ!" Kyle laughed, "Calm down Ike!"

"Happy Birthday!" Ike smiled at Kyle from his position over Kyle's chest.

"Thanks," Kyle chuckled, "Now can you get off me? You're heavier than you look."

Ike put a hand to his chin thoughtfully before smirking, "Nah."

Kyle wasn't in the mood for negotiating so he shoved Ike off of himself and sat up, "You're lucky there are witnesses or we'd be playing kick the 10-year-old."

Gerald was holding a bag which he handed to Kyle, "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks Dad," Kyle smiled at him as he reached into the bag and pulled out a thin, rectangular present.

"Ike said to get you this," Gerald said, "He had a smirk on his face though."

Kyle quirked his eyebrow and tore open the packaging, inside was 'Splatoon'.

"I'm determined to make you enjoy it," Ike looked very serious as he said this.

Kyle held up his hands, "We'll play it later and you can show me the ropes. Then we can force Stan to play it and not tell him anything so he gets pissed off."

"Why me?" Stan asked incredulously.

"Because," Kyle and Ike replied in unison.

Kyle had been talking with Ike on Skype when Splatoon was announced and they had differing opinions, Kyle had been disinterested while Ike thought it was really cool.

"I'm going with Stan for lunch with the guys at Shakey's, but after that we'll have at least two hours to play."

"Sweet," Ike grinned.

* * *

"Here he is!" Kenny shouted to the Shakey's car park, "Here's the birthday boy!"

"Happy Birthday Kyle," Butters smiled as Kenny caught the redhead in a bone-crushing hug.

"Finally sixteen then Jewfag," Cartman said, although his insult held no malice, "How much different does it feel?"

"I dunno," Kyle shrugged as Kenny released him, "I've already left home so I'm gonna say not much."

"That wasn't by choice though," Butters pointed out.

"True," Kyle conceded, "But I still did, even if it was to the house next door."

"Do you guys know who's coming tonight?" Cartman asked.

"They are," Kenny chuckled.

Stan tactfully ignored Kenny's quip as they walked into the restaurant, "I need to check the Facebook event."

"I know Bebe can make it," Kyle said, "Heidi and Red might be tagging along as well."

"I'm surprised," Cartman raised an eyebrow, "Heidi and Red at a party without alcohol."

"Heidi and Red are close to Bebe though," Stan said.

"Stan has a point," Kenny agreed.

* * *

Aside from the girls, it was only Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and Butters at Stan's to celebrate Kyle's birthday. He preferred a quiet celebration that wasn't just thumping music and loads of people grinding on each other in the living room.

"Happy Birthday Kyle," Bebe said as she gave him a hug.

"Thanks Bebe," Kyle grinned, "Kenny's already gotten to work on Heidi and Red."

"He'll have them soon, Heidi and Red can't get enough of sex with Kenny."

Kyle laughed, "A lot of people can't."

Bebe shrugged, "How's your birthday been?"

"Pretty good, I've spent a lot of time with Ike today."

"What were you doing?"

"He got me Splatoon since he's really big into that and he wanted someone to play with, he's spent this afternoon showing me the ropes."

"I'll bet that was fun."

"Yeah it was."

* * *

Stan wrapped his arms around Kyle from behind as soon as the last person left.

"You ready for my next present?"

Kyle laughed as he spun in Stan's arms so he could kiss him, "I think I am."

Stan grinned and took Kyle's hand in his own before leading him up to their room and locking the door behind them even though the house was empty.

"Tonight," Stan whispered in Kyle's ear, "I'm letting you top."

Kyle grinned as he pushed Stan over to the bed, "Well you'd better be ready for a wild ride."

Stan laughed as Kyle began to suck on his neck. The redhead hadn't topped for a while.

"Strip," Kyle ordered.

Stan felt a shiver in his spine at Kyle's tone, he looked round to see Kyle settling by the headboard, a prominent bulge in his jeans.

Stan crawled over to Kyle when he was completely nude.

"Suck."

Stan undid Kyle's jeans and pulled them down with his boxers to reveal his cock and took the head into his mouth.

"Don't fucking tease me Stan."

Stan knew that Kyle was rough when he topped, but he didn't really want Kyle forcing him to deep throat.

Eventually, Kyle pulled Stan's head away from his cock and pulled him into a kiss.

"Prepare yourself while I get undressed," Kyle said as he nipped at Stan's earlobe.

Stan fished the lube from his bedside cabinet as Kyle stood up and stripped. Kyle took the lube as Stan began to finger himself and began to slather his cock in the substance.

Kyle climbed on top of his boyfriend and lined himself up with Stan's entrance. He pressed their lips together as he pushed in.

"You are so fucking tight," Kyle breathed as he began to thrust into his boyfriend.

"God Kyle," Stan panted, it had been a while since Kyle had been inside him.

Kyle wasn't as gentle as Stan when he topped. His thrusts were hard and fast and they made Stan moan out loud. He grabbed Stan's hand that had his lubed fingers and moved it to his arse.

"Prepare me and I'll ride you."

Kyle squirted some lube into his palm and began to slick Stan's length, moaning out when he felt Stan's fingers brush his prostate. Stan smiled and began to focus on Kyle's prostate.

Kyle came inside his boyfriend with the constant attention to his prostate.

Kyle pulled out and lined Stan's cock with his entrance before sinking down, letting out a wanton moan as he pulled up and then back down again.

Stan took Kyle's cock in his hand and stroked it, inflating it again as Kyle kept bouncing.

Kyle came for a second time before Stan released himself, both of them letting out loud moans. Stan sat up and allowed Kyle to slump against him as he grabbed his inhaler.

"Enjoy?" He asked after taking a puff.

Kyle nodded as he caught his breath.

"Happy Birthday Ky."


End file.
